Camp WC dust in the wind // return to camp

[Pebblepaw☆]

Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We're all gonna die

.

At first, Pebblepaw hadn't wanted to return home. What was there to return to? Everything was dust in the wind. Eventually, all things faded, perhaps it was time he did, too. But the look on Meadowpaw's face had struck something deep inside him, tugging at strings he thought long severed. It was the kind of look that made running feel cruel. And so, with his head bowed and his heart heavy, he conceded. He gave one last farewell to the strange barn cat called Hayloft, a brief, trembling nod that spoke of gratitude and quiet resignation. Perhaps their paths would cross again someday. Or perhaps, like everything else in this world, Hayloft too would wither and fade into memory.

The journey back was wordless. Pebblepaw followed in Meadowpaw's shadow, his paws dragging numbly over the earth, eyes fixed on the movement of her mismatched steps. He didn't look up. Didn't glance behind him. Didn't dare. There was nothing left to find. Alder was gone. So many were gone. Lost to flame, to grief, to time. All was lost, even him. He was wrong. He was broken. He was... Not here. More than once, he thought to tell Meadowpaw she should leave him behind, forget him. She deserved better than the empty shell he'd become. But every time the thought rose, the image of her face stopped him cold. That look, that desperate, hopeful look, was a lifeline he couldn't cut.

He'd rather choke on barbs than add another wound to her heart.

By the time the camp came into view, his chest felt tight. Fear pooled in his throat like ash. Would Nutmegpurr be angry? Would Dustystar? And what had happened here...? The WindClan camp looked ravaged, marked by struggle and ruin. Pebblepaw froze at the entrance, turquoise eyes wide as they swept over the scene. His fur, torn and scarred, felt foreign on his body, a map of mistakes etched into skin. The long gash that crossed his eye burned when he blinked. He was still an apprentice by name, but by moons... He should have been a warrior.

Slowly, he forced his paws to move.

Dustystar's familiar form came into view, and the weight in his chest tightened until it hurt to breathe. He opened his mouth, to explain, to apologize, to say something... But no sound came. What could he possibly say that would make up for everything? For the moon he'd spent chasing ghosts and fairy tales? For believing that love alone could undo death? For being foolish enough to hope? Those had been the dreams of a kit, a child who still believed his parents could l i v e. He wasn't that kit anymore. Pebblepaw lowered his gaze, ears burning with shame. When he finally found his voice, it was small, cracked, and fragile.

" ... Sorry. "

Speech, thoughts/emphasis

13 MOONS

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OOC: Closed for now! A chat between Dustystar and Pebblepaw firstmost!

 

[Dustystar Dustystar]

✪ Align my Heart, my Body, my Mind​

indentDustystar's nose wrinkles. Over the smell of damp soil that permeates the camp, she's sure she can smell something else. A familiar scent, one she hasn't smelled in quite some time. Tenderly, she removes herself from the memorial garden and returns the short few tail-lengths back into camp. She's sure it's just her mind playing tricks, but she needs to check, just to be sure.

indentFreed from the scent of late-autumn foliage, the scent becomes even stronger. It's beckons Dustystar towards it's owner, the young tomcat entering camp. "Pebblepaw. It's really you!" Her voice is light. Eagerly, she goes to meet his gaze, expecting the lively shine she had gotten so used to. Instead, she's taken aback by Pebblepaw's defeated expression. He's never looked so broken, before. Not even when...

indent'Does this mean he's finally realized?' Frowning, Dustystar examines the apprentices closely, searching for signs of injury or illness. "Where were you? What were you doing?" She's worried she might already know the answer. "We sent search parties, but they turned up nothing. We were all worried sick."

Dustystar - 27 moons - Windclan Leader

 

[Pebblepaw☆]

Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We're all gonna die

.

The tone of Dustystar's voice struck him harder than any claws ever had. Gentle. Worried. Kind. Pebblepaw flinched from it as though it burned. He didn't understand. He couldn't understand. Why did Meadowpaw speak to him with such trembling relief? Why did Dustystar look at him as though he mattered? Why had either of them cared at all? He was just one cat among many, not special, not needed. Lost. So terribly, hopelessly lost. His gaze climbed to his leader's face for only a heartbeat before dropping again, unable to bear the weight of those concerned eyes. He stared instead at his filthy paws, caked with mud and ash and everything he wished he could scrub from himself. New scars dragged pale lines across his body, each one a reminder of the rogue who had torn into him, trying to strip away what little he had left. The wounds were healing now, but far too slowly and not in the places that mattered.

He should have died. He had waited for it. He had stared up at a sky full of stars that glimmered too brightly, stars that had answered nothing, saved nothing. Stars that had not brought Alder home. A bitter thought twisted through him, they shine for everyone, but they didn't shine for me. Where was Icepaw? Where were their parents? Where was Alder? Dead. Gone. Lost. The words rang hollow in his chest, too heavy to swallow. And all he had left was Gorsepaw and even she would be better off without the broken creature he'd become.

" I... Was searching for faer... " Pebblepaw finally breathed, the confession trembling its way out of him. Tears welled in his eyes, and he blinked them back violently, refusing to crack open in front of everyone. What use was crying? What could it change? " I came home fruitless... " he whispered. " They're dead. They're all dead. Everyone. I was... I was a fool to think otherwise. A fool. " His shoulders sagged fully then, as if the truth had finally settled its claws into him and dragged him down. He lowered his head before Dustystar, voice barely audible. " ... I will accept whatever punishment you give me. I'll accept it if you don't want me to return to WindClan at all. "

He swallowed hard, tasting dirt and dread. " They shouldn't have worried... " he murmured, shaking his head as if he could dislodge the idea entirely. " Not for me. Not for someone like me... "

Speech, thoughts/emphasis

13 MOONS

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[Dustystar Dustystar]

✪ Align my Heart, my Body, my Mind​

indentDustystar's brows knit together. "Pebblepaw..." Her voice is soft, but frustration and confusion singe the edges. Six entire moons, Pebblepaw had been chasing after dead cats, holding onto a dream of finding them alive. Holding onto that hope for so long had only caused him more pain, in the end, when it came crashing down.

indent"What you did was foolish, and reckless. Did you really think we wouldn't look for you? If you had died out there, we might have been searching forever." Just like Pebblepaw had been, clinging onto the shadow of what was long lost. "You're very dear to us, Pebblepaw. Please try and understand that."

indent"We could have used your help, though, this last moon. I'm not sure what the weather has been like where you were, but we've been dealing with terrible storms. The entire camp flooded, and most of our herb stock was destroyed." They've gotten to work rebuilding, but it's slow, tiring work. An extra set of paws would have been a lifesaver.

indentAlthough, maybe it's for the best he missed the flood. Dustystar isn't sure how the compounding tragedy would have affected him.

indentDustystar sighs, deep and defeated. "It's not like we can go back and change it now, though. Whats done is done." She shakes her head. "As for punishment - you'll have to help clean up after the storm, of course. That's hardly punishment though, everycat has been working tirelessly to see it done." SCahe regaurds the apprentice. It's not as if she can let him go completely unpunished, though. Cats need to know there are consequenses for acting foolishly. "Since you ran off looking for Alder, you'll be helping me and the medicine cats look after the memorial garden." There's not much to do, this time of year, except clearing dead stalks that would regrow come the spring. "You'll learn how to carry on the memory of what's been lost without rejecting the truth of what happened." It's a statement, not a question. Hopefully, the quiet contemplative work will do him some good.

Dustystar - 27 moons - Windclan Leader