She asked to speak with him, but all they were doing was staring at each other. It was awkward. I don't get how it wouldn't be. You just don't go kissing someone and everything remains normal. Unless it was a dare or something, but who would even ask her to kiss RiverClan's leader? Our clans aren't exactly the best of friends. Green eyes make the mistake of trailing to the flower crown that rested atop her head. The one he had painstakingly made. The one he had given to her as a gift. A gift to someone who actually engaged with him in conversation. Who was not cruel. Who spoke to him with kindness.
The longer he looks at the flower crown, the more puzzled he becomes. Why would you wear that? It looks wonderful on you, but… Don't you know it would complicate things? With some effort he averts his gaze to the side, one eye narrowing every so slightly, ears flattened. A ghost of warmth on his muzzle takes him back to that day. Where he flailed around, where he had only begun to ground himself by touching her. How she leaned forward and closed the distance between them. How she ran away seconds before, and in doing so the closeness they had obtained was broken.
With a sigh, he breaks the silence.
Still… He couldn't help but long for it. I can't help who I love. The leader shakes his head. I need answers.
He thinks of Sablestar. A tom who he had the pleasure of talking to long ago. How despite facing hunger, the Shadowclan leader still seemed unwavering. To Loonstar who had lost a medicine cat, refusing to wallow in despair. A fire had been lit in her. Hawkstar who made no comments at the snide remarks made from Shadowclan. Dustystar who kept pressing forward in the face of destruction. What did he have? Did the other clans view him as pathetic? Or worse, they could not even see him.
Either way, he knows this. I have to change. It is this desire alone that he decides to continue. Not allowing her to respond.
He looks down at his paws.
Pikestar, who she harbored some feelings for, had a similar experience with love.
Once again, returns his gaze to her face.
Even so, he must be honest with her. Funny how she was the one who wanted to speak with me. He can't help but smile.
The expression on her face as he possibly ruins their friendship is not one he can decipher. He can't help himself from rubbing a silver paw against his neck and continues with a shuddering breath,
// @flowercloud
The longer he looks at the flower crown, the more puzzled he becomes. Why would you wear that? It looks wonderful on you, but… Don't you know it would complicate things? With some effort he averts his gaze to the side, one eye narrowing every so slightly, ears flattened. A ghost of warmth on his muzzle takes him back to that day. Where he flailed around, where he had only begun to ground himself by touching her. How she leaned forward and closed the distance between them. How she ran away seconds before, and in doing so the closeness they had obtained was broken.
With a sigh, he breaks the silence.
"I…I'm not mad. I'm just a little confused."
Surely she had to understand. After all, kissing other cats wasn't a common occurrence. Especially in their case. After all, it wasn't like they could see each other often while living in other clans. He could never be as close to her as her friends and family who lived in SkyClan. It's not like he could follow her home or drag her to his own. They both had responsibilities towards their own clans. He wouldn't abandon them for her or for him. Even if his heart screamed at him, he needed to put the clan first.Still… He couldn't help but long for it. I can't help who I love. The leader shakes his head. I need answers.
"Why did you kiss me? Was it really a mistake?"
Green eyes gaze into her own. "If that's the case, then it's okay. We can just forget about it."
Looks like I haven't changed. Still giving a way out. I wonder if they'd be sad. That even after becoming a leader I still give second chances. I can understand why the other leaders see me as a weakling. To be honest, it feels wrong to sit beside them. They're just so… So spectacular. He thinks of Sablestar. A tom who he had the pleasure of talking to long ago. How despite facing hunger, the Shadowclan leader still seemed unwavering. To Loonstar who had lost a medicine cat, refusing to wallow in despair. A fire had been lit in her. Hawkstar who made no comments at the snide remarks made from Shadowclan. Dustystar who kept pressing forward in the face of destruction. What did he have? Did the other clans view him as pathetic? Or worse, they could not even see him.
Either way, he knows this. I have to change. It is this desire alone that he decides to continue. Not allowing her to respond.
"If it wasn't a mistake… If you meant it… I want you to know that the last time I loved someone they left me without a word."
Never would he imagine sharing this with her. The only other cat he shared this with was Wavesong. She urged him to think rationally. Practically begged him not to give in. "We just reunited not too long ago. They… They still love me, and I'm."
He looks down at his paws.
"I'm not sure. I still have feelings for them, but I'm still upset at them. They want us to try again, but I can't see myself being mates with them again after they left me in the first place."
The frustration is as clear as day with the scowl marring his expression. Even if he didn't divulge too much information about his love life, a decent picture can be gleaned. Pikestar, who she harbored some feelings for, had a similar experience with love.
Once again, returns his gaze to her face.
"I'm sharing this with you because you deserve to know. I want to be honest with you."
I don't want to waste our time too. With something that wouldn't work. She would understand hopefully where he was coming from. After all, what happened with Crowsight shouldn't be repeated. He refused to become another Crowsight story, that is… If she even harbored romantic feelings for him. In all honesty, they shouldn't. While there was no rule that he was aware of that said they were forbidden from falling in love, they lived in different clans. Had different responsibilities.Even so, he must be honest with her. Funny how she was the one who wanted to speak with me. He can't help but smile.
"Flowercloud. Ever since you kissed me, I've been thinking about my feelings. Why is it that I'm so drawn to you? After all, the first time I saw you was when you were covered in blood. It's more reasonable to stay away."
Perhaps it was unwise to bring up that time. She did lose a son after all. Thankfully the leader quickly moved on. Seeing no reason to drag on his initial impression of her. "You are beautiful. I will admit that, but to say I'm drawn to you solely for your looks would be wrong. I… Uhm. Wow. Sorry, I haven't dealt with romance? Whatever this situation is called in so many moons. I must confess I was jealous of the idea of Tawnybeam being your mate. A-ah! To be clear I wasn't jumping in joy when you said he wasn't. If you two were I wasn't going to try and get in between your relationship. I would've respected your relationship and not act on my feelings."
The expression on her face as he possibly ruins their friendship is not one he can decipher. He can't help himself from rubbing a silver paw against his neck and continues with a shuddering breath,
"Where am I going with this? Uhhhm, the point is… I have feelings for you, but I understand if you don't feel the same. Or if you're uncomfortable with the complicated situation going on with my ex. I get it. I just… Don't want to lie to you. If you want to stop talking with me, that's okay too."
The decision was now in her paws. Whether or not she felt the same didn't matter as much to him. If she didn't then that was that. He wouldn't chase after her. What mattered most to him now was whether or not she wanted to speak to him knowing what she did now.// @flowercloud
