TW: Sensitive Content Open Camp Only you've seen the scars that don't show || OPEN

[flowercloud]

{$title} TW: mental exhaustion, illusions/distorted perception, implied blood/violence, intense family conflict, anger, anxiety, grief, self-destructive behavior.

It had been a few weeks. A moon, maybe. She wasn't sure. But she stood before Cygnetscratch with her teeth grinding, her rage boiled inside her chest that breathed ragged breaths. Her heart hurt at the words that Cygnetscratch had said. How easy she seemed to just brush her away, to shove her back as if she meant nothing. Her heart twisted, her vision blurred. Were they tears yet to be spilled? Racing thoughts- racing heart- Flowercloud straightened up to her full height- no longer looking as if Cygnet hadn't just delivered a powerful hateful blow her way.

A heavy ragged breath, the pain twisting her heart cruelly. "I get it youre angry. We're all angry, hurt even! I've done everything to make sure you kids don't feel the pain I had to endure. You don't think I'm angry? I had to watch every day, your father pretend he wasn't even a father and go home every day to a twoleg place while you guys wondered where he was. And don't think I didn't try- no, I won't take it anymore! I tried, I fought and displayed my heart before that man every day, trying to get him to see you kids as I see you-"

Her bulky head of fur shook, green gaze dropping from her daughter as her gaze shut. Some part of her wished she hadn't even approached Cygnetscratch today. She had just looked... So hurt. She had wanted to do something, anything to take the pain away. Even when her own pain showed on every single part of her knotted fur tangled with branches and unkempt. The white dingy and dirt, and the exhaustion showing in the way she moved as if she had been the one defeated. She had thought there was some hope of repair, with the tail tips to her side that burned into her pelt, the way her daughter acknowledged her lately.

"Fine. Take your anger out on me then. Make me feel what you think I haven't felt this entire time what you think I haven't felt. Show me how you felt then, since I haven't properly displayed the pain to see how much you guys hurt." She breathed, her voice a twisted growl that was unlike the molly had ever spoken to her children. But somewhere in the heat of the moments- she didn't really even see Cygnetscratch fully. She didn't really even see the cats around them, nor herself.

Sure, Swallowbreeze had tried what she could to get the molly to sleep- but when she slept? She only saw Roses body. When her eyes closed, she could only hear the wails of losing her son. She could only hear that he wanted to go home.

He had admitted he didn't hate her. But it seemed too late. And flowerclouds mind and body broke because of it. Of course she knew her children all felt the blow like a wild dog, ravaging it's teeth into their heart. But she had tried to care harder, and it wasn't working.

So fine. Shell accept this fate. Her body straightened, her limbs loosening as she put herself in a position easy for Cygnetscratch to target. Her chest, her neck, her face exposed.

Show me.

The words echoed in her mind. Her heart twisting, her stomach almost feeling sick.

@cygnetscratch

flowercloud - 35 moons - skyclan warrior - mentoring none

 

[cygnetscratch]

Had she really said that? "Just because I stood near you once doesn't mean we're fine." It was pathetic, juvenile even - yet she spat it off of her tongue as if the words themselves were caustic. They would burn her or wherever they landed, and she chose self preservation. Her mother sought her out for a heart to heart, and instead Cygnetscratch lashed out. Where understanding should have blossomed, weeds of anger choked out the roots, the stem, the bloom - and it seemed, despite being taken aback, Flowercloud couldn't handle it anymore.

In fact, her mother goaded her into more. Angrier than she had ever seen the large molly, Cygnetscratch watches as she nearly bleeds herself in front of her daughter, begging for that connection rather than the continued severance of it. White fur bristles when the offer of a fight is laid out before her.

Could I really...?

Her claws dig in the dirt before she has the chance to wrangle herself in. Cygnetscratch curls her lip back and launches forth, a silent - I can - reverberating through her mind. The other is nothing but a fly buzzing in her ear, reminding her of the corpse they buried together. None of them were Flowercloud's prize after the news was revealed, but that never lessened the pain that comes with the image of her mother holding Rosebelly so close and crying over him.

She lunges towards her mother, claws making contact with whatever space they are afforded first. Flowercloud displays her throat, her face, her chest. If she could, she'd brandish her belly, too. She remains vulnerable to her fire-wielding daughter and faces the consequences as claws shear fur from skin. Cygnetscratch does not hold back, completely blinded by her frustration.

 

[flowercloud]

the claws that dragged through the fur on flowercloud didnt seem to make her flinch. Green eyes glued open, the light in them shattering. Dulling. Each blow cygnet made only chipped a piece of her heart off. each blow- the scent of faint blood filled the air as claws sliced through her shoulder.

'oh look at these yummy kitten snacks, brother!' she remembered howling one day, licking over his muzzle as if a starving badger. giggled erupted through the nursery, her and duskpools large frame moving through like ravenous hobbling beasts, before she would tackle cygnetkit, and rub her muzzle into the white kits belly- giggles erupting louder.

the stab of the memory itself made her wince, finally. More claws sliced through the air, more blood spilled from her pelt- somewhere, and she was so unsure where. her vision blurred, and she had five now.

five pairs of eyes looking up at her, as the sun set. their maws asking questions never stopping, her grin smiling wider, before sweeping her arms around some, and her tail around the others- curling them closer and rubbing her head to theirs, before licking their tussled fur down.

she had done wrong though. she had lied from the beginning. teaselfeather, adopted. mag-crowpaw, not their real sibling, but they knew that one. crowsight returning, loving them. 'your father had to go, quickly,' she remembered the solemn voice, practiced honey sweet despite the pain in her heart. 'but he told me to tell you he loves you and don't let the fleas bite.' a lie, he had never said it, once. only wormed it in their ears, hoping one day for it to be true. if they were old enough, maybe the saw through the lie, knowing flowercloud said that to them every night.

and then a slash to her eyebrow- up her forehead, hairs from her eye. her jaw clenched, her eyes shutting as she felt her entire being shatter. pain flashed through her her eyes, a paw moving forward in reaction than real intention as she shot forward. shed move to bowl her daughter over, a large paw pinning cygnetscratch down, before the other slashed over cheek.

"Enough!" It was a howl- voice rasped and ripped, hot breath heavily escaping through her chest into cygnets face. She was seething, gaze wild- the light in them replaced with something else before a paw gripped cygnets shoulder, as if getting a better grip on her daughter. Saliva collected at the edges of her lips- her fur wild, on end. "Are you done?" She asked, teeth clenching between her words as she felt the warmth of blood well at the bottom of her eye, pain numb compared to the shattered heart within her chest.

But now, her legs were free. Cygnet could still kick her- still scratch her open- still tear her apart. But she didn't care. She wanted her daughter back and at this point, she accepted that it wasn't going to happen.

Ever.

flowercloud - 35 moons - skyclan warrior - mentoring none

 

[cygnetscratch]

Cygnetscratch does not feel as blood slicks her claws, does not hear when her mother demands the end to this useless brawl. Her mind blanks in a fury of darkness, and when it blinks away, her cheek is stinging, and her mother's is dripping.

Many would say that Cygnetscratch has long since been lost to the turmoil of a young girl - few would wonder if she really, truly, was ever that spark of light at all. If she was always meant to follow in the footsteps of a phantom and become this ruthless, ill-made mongrel of a cat. Cygnetscratch could not say where she lands in the mess of it all; for even as she finds sorrow in her mother's gnarled injury, she finds sanctity in the mantra of, you deserved it.

"Are you done?"

The memories of her coddled childhood are shrouded and bloodied at best. Flowercloud looks down at her bloodied and broken daughter and sees a child that never gave herself the chance - not the warrior far too willing to steal it.

But her limbs relax. Cygnetscratch lets the blaze in her eyes dim, for she knows this is not a battle she needs to win. In fact - there is no 'winning' here. Rosebelly cannot be resurrected, Hawkstar's guilt cannot be assuaged. SkyClan is now honorbound to monsters and beasts alike and they must deal with the ramifications. She pushes her legs into Flowercloud's underbelly, not aggressively, simply a gesture to move. "I'm done," she mutters, the pain of her newest wound burning hotter and hotter. Had Flowercloud... meant to hurt her? It would have been just as deserved, she thinks. They're both hell-driven now.

"Where's Swallowbreeze?" the warrior asks when she's allowed to stand, taking a measured step away from her mother. "You should be seen by her," she says with the drops of care she maintains, ears twitching but not folding with shame.