Medicine Cat's Den Something wrong, something right 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 Meadowpaw

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

Something wrong, something right

.

There must be something wrong with her. Yew is not very old and she does not know very much, but this she is sure of. She has watched her denmates, the other kittens, being playful and affectionate with their caretakers or friends. She has watched them share, laugh and play, yet when she looks at mother, she feels not the need to do any of that. She feels something, but what that something is, she is not able to identify yet. She hasn't had the chance to learn much, but one thing is certain - the way she is now is not normal. Therefore, she must be sick.

Yew is not sure where the medicine cats reside, but she can probably deduce it. And sure enough, soon she notices ragged breathing and a mixture of various smells from a tunnel nearby. That must be where the medicine den is. Surprisingly, there is almost no one around, definitely not anyone giving a small kitten much attention, so Yew manages to make it to the tunnel, without being noticed, and peeks inside. When her eyes adjust to the darkness, Yew notices a few cats sleeping on moss bedding and a calico doing something with the herbs on the wall. That must be the medicine cat, she thinks.

Slowly, as not to wake the cat's patients, Yew approaches the medicine cat and nudges her with her paw, to get her attention. "Umm..." she starts, suddenly unsure if this was a good idea after all. "I think there is something...wrong with me. I must be sick." When the cat looks at her quizically, Yew adds, "I don't seem to want to play with mother, like the others do with theirs..."

There is something in the other cat's expression, but Yew is not sure what it is. Frankly, she is embarassed enough as is and she considers turning around and running away. I hope the medicine cat isn't upset with me....

 

[Meadowpaw]

MEADOWPAW

x

There's a peace that hangs over the medicine den, like the quiet after a storm has passed… or maybe before one begins. The latter feels more likely, with how many injured cats she's treated lately. It's a terrible thing having so many wounded, but shamefully, Meadowpaw finds she enjoys all the company. The den doesn't feel so empty anymore, not like it did after Gladebloom vanished.

Dimmingsun was the first to fill the space her old mentor left. Or rather Bengt was, before he became their medicine cat. Either way, her days feel more meaningful now, even if the weight of her responsibilities can sometimes be crushing.

She moves from one corner of the den to the next, sniffing the herbs to check their freshness. A few have already lost their potency. Some sticks have gone missing entirely. A silly thing—fretting over the loss of a few sticks. However, to her, they weren't just sticks. They could carry moss, align broken limbs, distract from the pain of kitting… What was useless to most held value in their work.

A soft voice and a faint touch distract Meadowpaw from her thoughts. She finds Yewkit hovering around her paws. Since Gladebloom's disappearance, Owlbear and the kits had become her responsibility. Their well-being was something she took seriously. She made sure to visit them every day, and she knew all the kits by name, even the newest ones. Meadowpaw smiles and waits patiently as Yewkit explains her reason for being there.

"O-oh, is that so?" Sick? Whatever she expected, it wasn't that exactly. If not for how seriously Yewkit seemed to take it, Meadowpaw might have thought it was funny. She'd always noticed Yewkit was a little standoffish, but that wasn't unusual. Some kits were just shy. One of her friends was the same. Ashenpaw was always more reserved and more likely to ask for her help getting a feather than playing games. If he ever played with his mama, Meadowpaw never saw it. Really, his mother always seemed more worried about his health than anything else…

Still, she didn't want to wave Yewkit's concerns. Asking for help was important, especially when it came to staying healthy. If she brushed this off, Yewkit might not feel comfortable coming to her again.

So, she treats it as she would an actual illness. "Hmmm… alright. Come have a seat and I'll take a look, okay?" With a gentle sweep of her tail, Meadowpaw guides Yewkit toward a separate part of the den so as not to disturb those resting. Once settled, she sits down and beckons for Yewkit to do the same. "Do you ever want to play with your siblings or any of the other kits?" Meadowpaw probes gently for more information. Figuring out how deep and from where her insecurities stemmed seemed like a good enough place to start.

x

I BELIEVE THAT THERES COURAGE

BUT ITS BURNIN' LIKE ASH IN THE WIND

x

WINDCLAN

MEDICINE CAT APPRENTICE

11 MOONS

SHE/HER

Meadowpaw values kindness and remembrance. As a kit, she internalized her mother's lessons, but questioned whether her way is the only way. She has broken free from the heavy burden of her mother's expectations due to their estrangement after the fire. She remains kind and soft-spoken through all she's endured, but is not afraid to speak out for what she believes is right.

Meadow works tirelessly at any task she undertakes, desperate to prove herself capable and worthy despite her disability. Without her mother's guidance, she finds new ways to express herself.

In conversations, she is gentle, thoughtful, and withdrawn, often hiding her struggles, fearing others seeing her as incapable. She continues to have a strong bond not only with her sister, but with her adopted family as well. Meadow uses her new freedom to support and deepen the bonds with her clanmates. Additionally, she has started to explore the more spiritual side of herself…

Her worldview is a complicated mix of hope and frustration. She wants to believe that there's hope at the end of all the suffering, but feels trapped by her limitations. With enough time and support, she may find a way to overcome her limitations and accept herself.

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

"Do you ever want to play with your siblings or any of the other kits?" What a seeimingly simple question, yet Yew seems to struggle with the answer. She loves her siblings, Phantomkit and Drearykit, and she does engage in sharing tongues with them. Sometimes she nibbles their ears for fun - does that count? She thinks of that one time she chased after Dreary's tail, pretending it was prey, but stopped when she noticed mother watching her with narrow, cold eyes. Now that she thinks about it, the only times she's being kind of playful is when mother isn't around, and even then she worries about making too much noise or scattering bedding everywhere. When things aren't neat, it stresses her out. Or it stresses mother out? Ah, what is the difference, really?

"Sometimes.." she finally decides on answering. "But I usually only watch and then clean up afterwards, making sure the bedding is neat and there's no loose stones or twigs around." She instinctively lowers her gaze and twitches her tail, not wanting to get in trouble. She refuses to look into the eyes of the medicine cat, afraid of the coldness she might find in there - had she come here to help, maybe the coldness would melt, but all she came in to do was complain and whine. She should be better than this.

Yew flattens her ears, ready to be scolded. She knows this is what happens - when she misbehaves, the adults are cold and unloving, letting her know she's been bad. So she tries to be neat and quiet, listening to mother's instructions, being helpful and obedient. Why did she decide to come here, just because she's sick? This is the opposite of being quiet and obedient... She needs to fix this.

"Actually... I wanted to ask about the herbs also." she starts. "Can I help you sort them out and clean up? You seem to have a lot of patients, so I imagine it gets busy in here..."

Yes, this was the way to fix this. Yew just needs to be helpful and then, hopefully, she can look into the medicine cat's eyes without the fear of coldness staring back at her.

 

[DIMMINGSUN]

Once Dimmingsun enters the tunnel that opens into the medicine cat den, he is flooded with gratitude for the shade it offers. An easy but needed respite from the sun's heat—he loves his fur for how it flows in the wind and gives him an even bigger, more intimidating look, but he sure detests it a little during the warmest of moons. Even a simple trek near the camp makes him feel overheated; perhaps he should have chosen a different time to go out... oh well.

At least the wet moss in his grasp cools him off. It drips onto his chest and the floor below, soaking him and his trail, but he would be amiss to complain about that. He had decided to gather some so that him and Meadowpaw's patients can have something to drink, but also to try and revive some of the drier herbs in their stock. It's worth a try, anyway, before they throw out the old bits.

He doesn't expect to see a new inhabitant of the den when he returns.

"We have a new patient?"

His voice comes muffled, right up until he deposits the moss. A quick glance tells him that Yewkit mustn't be too sick, but he knows illness has its way of creeping up on you from the inside. The sooner they find out what's wrong, the better.

When he catches the end of Yewkit's words, Dimmingsun thinks he has it all wrong. Perhaps Yewkit isn't actually here for sickness?

"I haven't yet heard of a patient who wants to tidy up for us,"

he points out, amused, though he is not unkind about it.

"Maybe I haven't been here long enough. Or maybe you're just feeling super helpful?"

 

[Meadowpaw]

MEADOWPAW

x

Meadowpaw waited patiently as Yewkit worked through her answer. The kit's restless fidgets and lowered gaze felt uncomfortably familiar. She remembered sitting in the loft window, watching the other kits play and laugh. If not for Meggie and for cats like Hoot, the loneliness might've been unbearable. No matter what she wanted, everything she did was scrutinized, and her friends were no exception. In time, she learned to keep them secret — treasures she had to hide away.

Her eyes softened on the small shape before her, offering none of the harshness Yewkit seemed to brace for. Meadowpaw couldn't recall ever giving kits reason to fear any scoldings from her, and she doubted Dimmingsun had either. Yet the worry was plain in Yewkit's posture. It set her apart from the likes of Cricketkit or Goosekit, whose spirits burned bright and carefree. Could've been that Yewkit was just she. There was no harm in that, but she wondered if that was all it was.

"Have you tried asking them to help you? You can turn almost anything into a game, even cleaning." The heavy scrape of pawsteps drew her attention and Dimmingsun's deep voice carried into the den. Meadowpaw turns to look at him. "Yewkit thinks so. She said she doesn't like to play with her mother like other kits do." There is no hint of humor there, and her green eyes linger on him. There is no illness with a symptom like that. Yewkit wasn't sick. Lonely, maybe, but not sick. That, or there was something else going on...

"Or maybe you weren't a very good patient?" She teases, giggling softly as she turns back. "If you really want to help, I wouldn't mind... but if you just want to stop by to visit and talk, that's alright too." Meadowpaw smiles, her long tail swishing across the dirt to brush Yewkit's flank, hoping to soothe whatever anxieties burdened her. "We always like the company, don't we Dimmingsun?"

x

I BELIEVE THAT THERES COURAGE

BUT ITS BURNIN' LIKE ASH IN THE WIND

x

WINDCLAN

MEDICINE CAT APPRENTICE

11 MOONS

SHE/HER

Meadowpaw values kindness and remembrance. As a kit, she internalized her mother's lessons, but questioned whether her way is the only way. She has broken free from the heavy burden of her mother's expectations due to their estrangement after the fire. She remains kind and soft-spoken through all she's endured, but is not afraid to speak out for what she believes is right.

Meadow works tirelessly at any task she undertakes, desperate to prove herself capable and worthy despite her disability. Without her mother's guidance, she finds new ways to express herself.

In conversations, she is gentle, thoughtful, and withdrawn, often hiding her struggles, fearing others seeing her as incapable. She continues to have a strong bond not only with her sister, but with her adopted family as well. Meadow uses her new freedom to support and deepen the bonds with her clanmates. Additionally, she has started to explore the more spiritual side of herself…

Her worldview is a complicated mix of hope and frustration. She wants to believe that there's hope at the end of all the suffering, but feels trapped by her limitations. With enough time and support, she may find a way to overcome her limitations and accept herself.

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

Yewkit did only want to talk to them, to figure out what was wrong - but she can't confirm, can't let them know, for then they will have a reason to be upset with her.

"Well, I..." she dares to look into the medicine cat's eyes. "I do actually want to help. I'm not old enough to do much, but.." Yewkit thinks about the rules, not being allowed to leave the camp, to learn to hunt nor fight. She supposes it's for the best, for she is too small to be of much help and would only need to be rescued. It would only cause more problems. But what harm can she do here, in the safety of the medicine den, helping her two overworked clanmates?

"Maybe I could learn about the herbs while helping, so that when I'm old enough, I can bring back some, if I encounter them while on patrol." she says, though it is not for this purpose she wishes to learn about medicine. No, she said this, because if anything were to happen, she could hopefully fix it on her own, find her own medicine, or grab it from here if necessary, and fix things herself. She needs to rely on herself and her family only, and what better way to protect them than to learn these things young? Mother always said it was better to not rely on others, best they break your heart, worst they break you. But she is Yew, like the tree, dangerous yet protective. At least that's what mother named her to be... she is no longer sure she can live up to that potential.

 

[DIMMINGSUN]

Dimmingsun deposits his moss in the corners, wriggling himself free of the sticky mess that it creates, and ensuring that nobody treads on it before they can even use it—though Yewkit does not fit that type of description. He returns to Meadowpaw's side then, though he makes sure to bring a bunch of herbs with himself, separating it into tiny bits to make counting easier. His focus is on the visitor now, but something tells him he ought to look less interested. Anything to make Yewkit less afraid.

"I have not,"

he admits to Meadowpaw. Truthfully, he prefers doing it himself—or with her help. The two of them know what is most convenient for them, while others may use a different method that can end up creating more work in the long run. But it is certainly something to consider.. later. Now, he only considers Meadowpaw's explanation of the problem. His knowledge on kits, mothers, and the early signs of issues they may have is limited, but he can learn from this. His attention on Yewkit is momentarily broken when Meadowpaw pushes in some humor to ease any tension, earning Dimmingsun's snort.

"Only you can be the judge of that."

Dimmingsun doesn't hide his surprise at Yewkit's offer.

"I would have thought that kits find this boring."

He realizes—too late—that Yewkit, already anxious about seemingly nothing, might think this as further proof that something is wrong with her.

"But no matter. Meadowpaw's right; we do like company. And you're thinking ahead already. Those are good qualities."

In truth, he is at least a little bit concerned about the idea of a kitten handling their stores. Not every herb is safe... they certainly do not know the ins and outs of every single one. But if Yewkit continues being good-behaved, there should be no issue.

One big paw pushes some of his herbs towards Yewkit.

"Tell you what,"

he says,

"I've begun separating stale herbs from the fresher ones. You can help with that if you'd like. It's easy: most of them have tell-tale signs, like wilting or browning at the edges."

A pause. A sideways glance at Meadowpaw. They need to address Yewkit's concerns, too, not just give her a distraction.

"Maybe the games the other kits play are not interesting enough for you. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. Tossing balls of moss or jumping on one another's backs can only be fun for so long."

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

Yew thinks she understands what the older medicine cat is trying to do, asking her questions in the guise of helping her, pretending he truly wants her paws sorting through his herbs. She knows, and yet... she likes this. Here she can breathe. Here, the worst they can tell her is to leave.

She stares at the herbs Dimmingsun has brought. Her gaze lingers on the medicine, as though they might help her find the right answer. "I think.. Mother wants us to behave." she pushes a leaf with blackened edges away from the pile, and it crunches under her paw, the sides of the herb already dry and withering away. "And playfighting with other kittens, or chasing mossballs... It causes a mess."

The words come out heavier than she means them to. She isn't supposed to be saying any of this. Complaining about things that are between her and her family. Her family - those are all she has, no one else knows her or loves her as they do.

Her legs tremble faintly as she works through the pile of herbs, sorting carefully. Some herbs smell fresh and strong, while others are dry or empty. "Mother does not like messes." Then, "I don't like messes." she forces the correction quickly.

She places a pale leaf into the wrong pile and realizes it too late. She stares at it a moment too long - is this what she is? A withered leaf in a pile of herbs meant to heal? Spoiled greens no one has noticed are already useless? Her claws dig into the dirt, unprompted, her ears drooped in shame. She lowers her eyes, hoping if she keeps sorting quietly enough, maybe this feeling will stop - this feeling of being in the right place, but too late to be of any use.

 

[Meadowpaw]

MEADOWPAW

x

Dimmingsun's agreement came as a relief, though Meadowpaw hadn't doubted him much to begin with. He was as easy-going as ever, and while a kit roaming the medicine den meant keeping a closer eye on things, that was hardly a burden. Yewkit seemed sharp for her age, and something told her that she would be a quick study.

Meadowpaw's gaze flicked from Dimmingsun back to the little she-cat. He does what she is hesitant to do, dissecting the problem with another question. Her worries only root further with the answer they are given.

It was then Meadowpaw understood what had unsettled her before and what it was about Yewkit that reminded her of herself.

Mother wants us to behave.

It causes a mess.

Mother does not like messes.

I don't like messes.

❀❀❀​

She was a kit again, stumbling into the barn with a mouthful of wildflowers. They were so beautiful... They made her happy, and so she had the thought they might do the same for her mama. Back then, she hadn't understood the sadness that held mamas heart, or why she was always so hateful toward her sister. Their family had always been incomplete, but she didn't know that until later.

She remembered climbing the loft steps. Petals scattered, strewn about her at her paws as she set them down before the orange molly. Wind-whipped but crumpled, these flowers were no less beautiful to her... but to her... "What the whorl you doin' bringin' those wind-wipped things in here, girl?" The sharpness in the she-cat's voice made her flinch. She'd braced herself, sinking lower against the floor. "B-but I got them for you, mama!" The molly shoots her a look. The one that always set her limbs stiff and told her she was in trouble. "An' what? Look at the damn mess you made!" Air whistles through her fangs as mama draws in a wet hiss.

Meadow froze, gaping like a chicken. Mama's billowing voice shocks her straight. "Ain't you heard me!? I said take them damn things OUT!" She scurries backward, crushing petals and scattering stems in her hurried retreat.

"—AND CLEAN THIS UP!"

❀❀❀​

So many moons later, the memory still stung and never ceased to make her nose run. Over leaf-bare, she still tried to sneak flowers into the loft. Her mother would find them and fly into a rage. She never understood why mama always hated things she found beautiful. She loves her mama, even then, even now. Meadowpaw would've traded anything to go back. To be yelled at rather than to be abandoned and forgotten altogether.

She prayed that it was only in her imagination. Plague had always seemed kind when Meadowpaw visited. The very picture of doting motherhood, no different than sweet Owlbear.

For a second, she doesn't speak. Listening to the crumple of herbs as Yewkit sorted them. Something unspoken lingered in the air, but she dared not press any harder. Instead, she glanced back at Dimmingsun with a soft frown.

They would need to talk later. She couldn't share her concerns with Yewkit around. Dimmingsun never spoke of family, and she had never asked. The same can be said for her own aside from basic introductions. She never talked of her life at the barn because there had always been more pressing worries.

Stepping forward, Meadowpaw leaned to inspect the piles. A gentle correction is made, and a leaf pushed into the right pile. "Good work so far" She offers an encouraging smile. "After you're done here, we can take the leftovers to the garden for the soil." The praise is meant to lift Yewkit's spirit, but she worries nothing she says will.

Meadowpaw eases down beside her. "About what you said..." What is it that she would've wanted to hear? "There are messes all around us. Trees shed their leaves, dandelions scatter their seeds, and when it rains, it makes puddles... Even hearts get messy too. Mucked up with big feelings like sadness and doubt." She would know. Sometimes it felt so full, and other times her heart was the messiest of all, filled with more doubt and fear than she knew what to do with. "I can't be sure how your mama feels, but... You should know that making messes is how we learn, and kits need to do that most of all. It might not seem like it, but you all are sharpening skills you'll need as grown-ups by playing." Now was no time for fear, not for someone so young... Maybe Plague was just tired and needed a break. Surely, she wanted her kits to be happy, right?

"You won't grow if you're always afraid of making a mess." She musters a tentative smile. "I-I mean, I'm sure we can find a solution. Like playing out in camp rather than the nursery."

x

I BELIEVE THAT THERES COURAGE

BUT ITS BURNIN' LIKE ASH IN THE WIND

x

WINDCLAN

MEDICINE CAT APPRENTICE

11 MOONS

SHE/HER

Meadowpaw values kindness and remembrance. As a kit, she internalized her mother's lessons, but questioned whether her way is the only way. She has broken free from the heavy burden of her mother's expectations due to their estrangement after the fire. She remains kind and soft-spoken through all she's endured, but is not afraid to speak out for what she believes is right.

Meadow works tirelessly at any task she undertakes, desperate to prove herself capable and worthy despite her disability. Without her mother's guidance, she finds new ways to express herself.

In conversations, she is gentle, thoughtful, and withdrawn, often hiding her struggles, fearing others seeing her as incapable. She continues to have a strong bond not only with her sister, but with her adopted family as well. Meadow uses her new freedom to support and deepen the bonds with her clanmates. Additionally, she has started to explore the more spiritual side of herself…

Her worldview is a complicated mix of hope and frustration. She wants to believe that there's hope at the end of all the suffering, but feels trapped by her limitations. With enough time and support, she may find a way to overcome her limitations and accept herself.