Private Medicine Cat's Den A drag path, etched in the surface. As evidence, I left there on purpose. // Jinglemoon

[Thunderstorm Thunderstorm]

———————————————— Everything she's ever known is gone, gone, gone. ✦

Stirred before the sun had even risen above the horizon, Thunderpaw had found her sleep fitful. No, more than that, she felt like she had barely slept. She still felt vacant, only the dull ache in her ears keeping her grounded; every so often, if she lay strangely or opened her jaw too wide, it reverberated out into her temples and jaw. She tried to tuck her nose beneath her paw, pretend she was okay. But oh, Starclan, it was impossible to.

She had poured her heart out to Pikestar until her throat felt raw, her eyes stung with tears, and she felt as if everything was crumpling all around her. Thunderpaw thought her time in the tallgrass and with a cat she felt safe beside would have helped her, but learning that everyone else was slowly giving up on Rain made the wound reopen worse than before.

That's what it felt like, a gash torn through her very being. It wasn't just for Rain, but for her mother and seeing her body limp in Russetfall's jaws, the stories of older siblings and a father she never got to meet in anything but stories. Even then, she was the only one who seemed to remember any of them, and it ate her up inside. There was only so much Pikestar could do; he couldn't heal a wound or help her with her ears-

But there was one cat who could.

She had only glanced at him the days before, nothing more. But now... Thunderpaw clenched her jaw and immediately winced, tears prickling her eyes. There was little choice in the matter. If Rainpaw were here, she would have scolded Thunderpaw for letting them get so bad and drag her there herself.

'It's for Rainpaw.' She thought to herself, pushing herself from her nest and padding towards the medicine den. 'Do it for Rainpaw.' Thunderpaw repeated, nodding quietly as she pushed her way into the medicine den, peering around.

For a second, there was some bitter hope she would see her there, a fluffy greyish mop of fur smiling back as she shifted her fur out of the way to meet her sister's gaze. But there stood Jinglemoon, awake before the sunrise, distracted with something.

Thunderpaw felt the smallest she had been since her mother died. Looking to the medicine cat, she did not feel the tensing fear she had within Pikestar's den, but she simply felt tiny again. She had to take a shaky breath before she finally spoke. "Jinglemoon?" Her words came out more of a wobbled whisper; words had not come easily to her in the past days, but she tried. "Can I have your help with something, please?" She tried to ignore the absence, the emptiness of her nest, and tried to focus on the cat before her. Jinglemoon, whom she had grown so resentful of, suddenly felt like a lifeline.

—————— Everyone she's ever loved

is gone, gone, gone. ——————

• Backwritten to two days after the October meeting and one day after Thunderpaw talking to Pikestar.
• 
  Thunderpaw
  ✦—Riverclan apprentice | 11 moons
  ✦—She/Her
  ✦—"SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  ✦—A stocky cinnamon sealpoint molly with long curled ears and cold blue eyes.
  #C08969

 

[Jinglemoon]

x

x

x

JINGLEMOON

RIVERCLAN

MEDICINE CAT

HE/THEY

29 MOONS

DINGO

His talk with Russetfall and Frostmoth had been comforting and insightful. He hadn't yet made the time to invite Thunderpaw to spend anytime with him though like the deputy had suggested-- Truth be told he was worried about asking and simply making things worse between himself and the apprentice, or potentially aggravating her grief further. Russetfall had said to simply give her time and that if needed Russetfall herself would talk to Thunderpaw about coming to see him if anything health-wise came up and the apprentice opted to try and avoid him rather than to seek help. Still though their interactions hadn't progressed past the occasional glance here and there.

Until now at least.

One curled ear would twitch slightly at hearing somecat enter the medicine den, the familiar gentle brushing noise of fur against the ribbon-like reed curtain that hung at the entrance, but he'd almost startle at realizing who it was once she spoke up. His blue eyes would meet her own reflecting the surprise he felt inwardly at her approach, but it was a welcomed surprise at that. The medicine cat would turn to give her his full attention, setting aside the herb sorting he had been occupying himself with moments before, his gaze only faltering once to glance at the empty nest his apprentice used to occupy. He hoped it didn't upset Thunderpaw to see it...

"O-of course!" To have the apprentice not only approach him of her own accord but to ask him for help outright? Had Russetfall spoken to her then? ... Had something bad happened that she couldn't put off any longer? ... Was it really so hard to believe she might just approach him because she wanted to and not because she felt like she had to? He shoved the thoughts that swamped his mind down, it didn't matter the reason, what did matter is that she did come to him for help at all.

"Just name it Thunderpaw, is something ailing you?"

When danger greets you with a smile

A long furred blue tabby tom with low white, long pointed ears with curved tips and dazzling blue eyes. Usually walks with a jingle in his step. Good listener and always thoughtful.

Sibling to ASTRO, Uncle to TWINKLEPAW, ECLIPSEPAW and COMETPAW
Mentoring No one
"speech" // 'thoughts' // #3b90ff

 

[Thunderstorm Thunderstorm]

———————————————— Everything she's ever known is gone, gone, gone. ✦

As soon as Jinglemoon turned to look at her, Thunderpaw felt the need to leave, turn and walk away. It was nothing more than habit, she knew it as much. She clenched her jaw to steady herself, which only made the apprentice visibly wince, to which she shrank slightly, ears burning with shame.

"Uhm... It's my ears." She hovered near the entrance, nervous to enter any further into the den; it was too empty. Thunderpaw swallowed hard, slowly finding her words. "Since I... Left, I had to cross the river and I got water in my ears." The stones had been flooded that morning, water levels having risen from the rains striking the territory days before. It was the first time she had crossed alone, and she hated the fact that she was in a dazed state, trying to find her sister. It was something she wanted to celebrate with Rainpaw, but she only managed it in her grief.

Thunderpaw took a deep breath, only to realise the slightest scent of her sister still remained between the herbal scent that clung to everything. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, tentatively taking another step within the den. "I know we're meant to clean our ears, Mama always said, and Rainpaw always told me off if I didn't do it well." It was always teasing, she knew it, because Rain would scold her and they'd sit together while she helped clean out her ears, and Thunder would take any tangles out of her fur. They'd talk about their days, and everything was okay.

"Uhm." The apprentice found it harder to speak, like something heavy had settled on her shoulders and made every breath that little bit more difficult. Thunderpaw hadn't noticed the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. "Since Rain disappeared, I haven't looked after my ears. Or myself at all. I could ignore it for a bit, but I think there's something wrong now. Every time I lie down or eat, it hurts." Every word from the maw of the apprentice grew quieter; it was more than her ears that was bothering her, but she found it easier to talk about. Easier to face than the emptiness of the medicine den. "Please. Make it stop."

—————— Everyone she's ever loved

is gone, gone, gone. ——————

• 
  Thunderpaw
  ✦—Riverclan apprentice | 11 moons
  ✦—She/Her
  ✦—"SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  ✦—A stocky cinnamon sealpoint molly with long curled ears and cold blue eyes.
  #C08969

 

[Jinglemoon]

x

x

x

JINGLEMOON

RIVERCLAN

MEDICINE CAT

HE/THEY

29 MOONS

DINGO

The way she winced after clenching her jaw, the shrinking away towards the den entrance and worst of all? The fact that she had kept this from him up until it was impossible to ignore anymore. Jinglemoon had been right in the concerns he shared with Russetfall and Frostmoth, and that was the worst part, of all the things to have been right about, why that? He tried not to let his face visibly sink even though his heart did, trying instead to think positive. At least she was getting help now, right? Except that line of thinking didn't really help here nor did it ever when it came to medical situations, it was always going to be better to get help earlier and Thunderpaw did not do that. Why? Had she really preferred to suffer than to come see him for help?

He sighed softly watching her struggle not to cry and hearing how she had neglected to look after herself ever since Rainpaw's disappearance. He couldn't be too frustrated with her when he had done the same thing himself shortly after the disappearance as well, he had neglected sleep, eating too and had spent many moons using the time he otherwise would've been herb hunting instead searching for the apprentice, only to turn up empty pawed every time. But there were too many cats here counting on him and continuing to self-sabotage wasn't going to bring Rainpaw back or help any cat.

"I started to do the same myself when she disappeared too" He started softly, "I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped looking after myself, every waking moment was spent searching only to find nothing each time. It ate away at me, it still does." He glanced over to the empty nest that had once been Rainpaw's, the scent of her still mingled with the herbs smell that always clung to the air in the medicine den. A scent he knew would only fade more and more over time, it could not stay forever and nothing they did would ever make it remain. "Grief is the most painful wound of all" He hadn't forgotten what had been said about her ears but he also knew it wasn't the only problem she was facing, it had been spurred on by another, much more dangerous injury, one no cat could ever see but that every cat would feel at some point in their lives.

"But you can't let it fester" He figured to an extent that Thunderpaw had already learnt from having tried to avoid getting help when she needed it, to not do so again in the future or at least he hoped she had. "Like other wounds it too can become infected, it can make you sick and no amount of neglecting it is going to make it better" He'd give her a firm look before adding "No amount of trying to ignore physical pains is going to make them better either, but I think you know that by now" It was an unspoken, 'you should've come to see me about this earlier' that he felt didn't need to be said directly for her to understand. "We have to keep looking after ourselves. We both need to be at our bests for when she returns" Because she was still out there somewhere, maybe not for them to find but he still believed she'd come back home on her own volition someday.

"Come, let's get a look at those ears" He gestured for the nearest nest before pausing. "We can do this elsewhere if it's hard being in here-- Or you can use her nest... If it'll help" He never really let any cat near Rainpaw's old nest since she'd disappeared but... If it could help Thunderpaw to process her grief, to feel that little bit closer to her sibling again. Then he was never going to turn her away from it, Galepaw too.

"... And while you shouldn't have ran off how you did, I hope you're still able to be proud of yourself for having crossed the river, Thunderpaw" He knew Rainpaw would've been and he was too.

When danger greets you with a smile

A long furred blue tabby tom with low white, long pointed ears with curved tips and dazzling blue eyes. Usually walks with a jingle in his step. Good listener and always thoughtful.

Sibling to ASTRO, Uncle to TWINKLEPAW, ECLIPSEPAW and COMETPAW
Mentoring No one
"speech" // 'thoughts' // #3b90ff

 

[Thunderstorm Thunderstorm]

———————————————— Everything she's ever known is gone, gone, gone. ✦

Thunderpaw couldn't deny she was taken aback that even Jinglemoon had slipped on taking care of himself. For all her fury towards him, he always seemed rather above it all, a cat whom the clan turned to in their most dire straits when injured. She'd never realised just how much he would have been impacted too, and yet...

Her heart panged at the sentiment "Grief is the most painful wound of all." She had survived her drowning, her physical wounds had all healed, but she never allowed herself to address the claw marks scarring her very being, the ones wrapped about beneath her pelt from when she lost her Mama. The wounds reopened by the loss of Rainpaw. And he was right, they had festered, darkened to something foul that had etched into her every breath, every thought. All her actions from that day all to silence the pain that seared behind her eyes at the slightest inclination of a reminder of all she lost, and the blame she held.

But it wasn't as if Jinglemoon was upset. His voice didn't hold a sharpness she expected, but a careful understanding. He did not blame her, but rather, just wanted to help her heal. Not alone either, she finally met his eyes, and there it was. That all too familiar sorrow she saw in her gaze in the water's reflection. It was so much more jarring to see it in eyes not her own, but it was almost sobering. 'We need to be okay for when she's home.' That was something she could hold onto. It was enough, it was small, but enough. The knowledge of the unknown, no one knew what had happened to Rain. But if she could hold onto that belief, she would be back someday, and she could carry on.

"We have to keep looking after ourselves." Thunderpaw parroted, quietly. If Jingle was going to hold her to it, she would do the same for the medicine cat. Rainpaw would be brokenhearted if her mentor were still a wreck whenever she returned. Thunderpaw tentatively approached before pressing her forehead to the fluff of the medicine cat's chest--a small gesture. "I promise, as long as you'll look after yourself too. For Rainpaw. You have to be okay." Her voice waivered a little. Jinglemoon was one of her last connections to her sister, and for the animosity she held, she didn't want him to suffer either.

The cinnamon molly stepped back, wiping at her face, nodding as she looked to her sister's nest, trying to stop the tears welling again. "That'd be nice." She nodded, glancing back to Jingle, for just a moment, before walking to the undisturbed nest. Thunderpaw stepped within and settled within. Try as she might, she couldn't have stopped the tears as they spilt over her cheeks. She didn't know she had it within her to cry still, yet her heart broke all over again, finding her sister's scent again after almost a moon of her disappearance.

Thunderpaw tucked her face into her arms, refusing to sodden the nest with her tears as her body shook. She stayed like that for some time, even with the pain in her ears, she couldn't stiifile herself again, not when it felt like almost 8 moons of grief had broken the dam. Curling her tail about herself, she didn't even attempt to hide from Jinglemoon, not anymore. She was just too exhausted by the pain she had carried longer than she could remember.

Only when Thunderpaw's head began to sear in pain, from her bawling and the ache in her ears, did she move her face, taking long shuddery breaths as she wiped at her face, suddenly very aware of herself. "I-I'm sorry..." She whispered, gulping a breath as she tried to steady herself, desperately drying her face of tears. Thunderpaw hiccuped, beathing out shakily, shiny eyes meeting Jingle's. "Y-you can check my ears, I jus-just got a little overwhelmed." She averted her gaze, eyes rimmed red from her crying.

Maybe she would have been more ashamed if Jingle hadn't gently congratulated her for crossing the river. She had to chuckle dryly, tucking her paws beneath her. "I-I just wish Russetfall could have seen, it would have been nice to celebrate together." There were a lot of cats she wished could have seen her swim across that way, but she needed to focus on the now, who she had. Who she could still protect.

—————— Everyone she's ever loved

is gone, gone, gone. ——————

• 
  Thunderpaw
  ✦—Riverclan apprentice | 11 moons
  ✦—She/Her
  ✦—"SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  ✦—A stocky cinnamon sealpoint molly with long curled ears and cold blue eyes.
  #C08969