TW: Sensitive Content Camp All the secrets that keep me in chains, and || Talon, Yew, Meadow

[Yewkit]

General TW for anxieties, trauma responses, insecurities, spiraling, etc

YEWKIT

All the damage that might make me dangerous

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Yewkit wasn't sure if she would describe what she was feeling as happy, but it was certainly a warm feeling inside her chest as she walked outside the nursery, ready to meet Talon and share food together. It had become something like a ritual to her, (to them?), a habit to follow every day, one thing she could look forward to.

She wasn't allowed to intrude in the medicine den all the time, not with the healers needing the space for themselves and their patients, so they opted to meeting out in the camp before parting ways again. Yewkit liked it that way, it meant mother could keep an eye on her, just in case, if she wanted to, while also letting her spend time with her friend. Friend. The girl liked the sound of that. Despite all her anxieties and worries, she was finally beginning to feel lighter, more at ease.

Perhaps mother was wrong. Perhaps the cats of the clan cared for her just because of who she was - their clanmate. No strings attached, no requirements. Just... being with them. Was that really all that impossible?

"Hey Talon," she greeted the tom, without paying too much attention to his posture. He was still in a pretty bad shape, but he was healing, slowly. Perhaps soon, they would get to walk around camp together more, once his injuries healed. "Ready to go pick some food out?"

OOC: @Talonpaw ​

 

[Talonpaw]

He was pacing. Back.. and forth. He didn't remember the medicine den being so small. His tail swung behind him as he moved, walked, paced. His fur was disheveled, his single blue eye looked as if he hadn't slept. (Had he? Did he? Was he awake or asleep?)

His heart thrummed against his chest- his paws shifted. He hadn't really used them in a few days. And then he heard Yewkit. His blue gaze flicked over, his fur standing on end. She was really making him do this? Really? Of course, of course. She wanted it to be his fault. He couldn't help but hear her words again, roll over in his mind.

It was clear something was wrong with him. He didn't notice, but even Meadowpaw and Dimmingsun hardly left him alone. He didn't want to be alone... But he wanted it so bad. His head poked out of the den first, blue eye locked onto Yewkit. He didn't look like he did yesterday when they met. His tongue rolled over his teeth, sticking to the dry surface, lagging as his lips shifted and made the rolling all more visible.

Visible, could they see his discomfort? Could they see through him? They could. They could.

"Yew..kit." his voice drew. Hoarse, a low rumble. "Why are y' here?" He asked, obsidian talons slowly leaving their sheathes, gripping into the ground. He felt the eyes, and blue eye flicked to gold, before back at the kit. She was so small... She looked so... Different. And now... Now he had to break his promise.

"Go."

But she stood there, eyes widened, and something drew from her lips he couldn't quite comprehend. Hearing was fine, but he didn't want to hear it. Something about... Something, something. "you're not my friend. you're a child." His chest hurts, it felt tight, his jaws clenched and his ears flattened against his helm as blue eye narrowed- fighting the urge to cry as the words burned like daggers in his throat. He didn't want to cry. Crying was weak. He already cried. Why again? This is to protect you, I'm sorry. This is to protect me. This is to protect. I'm doing the right thing, right? "do not speak t' me, y' cant." His claws dig in the ground before turning. His stomach coiled in the sickness that threatened to erupt, and his eye burned from the tears that wanted to spill. Instead, he moved to turn around. This was too much.

It was for her safety ... He reminded himself sourly, looking back to send a glare towards plagues form watching him carefully before snapping his head back. And another voice made him freeze. His blood was already boiling. His skin was on fire. His claws wouldn't retract.

This is what he had to do!

​

Talon he/him, windclan 8 moons old.
black tabby with dark greyish brown undercoat and white underbelly. white crest on chest, and scars lining left side of face, blinding his right eye. icey blue eyes and white that is slowly starting to streak his features. Back scars non-existent for now.
mentored by Merrystalk // mentoring none
littermate to none
NPC x NPC / father/mother to none / mated to none
"speech" // "thoughts"
penned by Deidre ↛ deidre on discord, feel free to dm for plots. Art by PurpleCandyCorn.

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

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.

There was something different about Talon today, but she couldn't describe what it was. He looked nervous, as if someone were to hurt him again - but he was safe here, in the clan's camp. He was surrounded by cats that would protect him, he was surrounded by friends.

And then he spoke and Yewkit felt like a little kit again, scolded for making a mess or scolded for trying to help. She felt like she got everything wrong once again.

She stared at the tom she thought was her friend, tears threatening to pour down her cheeks. All she wanted was to feel his warmth, yet what she was met with was coldness.

She should have known better. Wasn't this always how things went? Her, giving herself false hope, caring too much about cats who had no intention of caring about her back. And Talon. You're not my friend.

Yewkit's heart thumped in her ears, heavy and fast, her paws threatening to collapse under her. "But I... I thought..." there was no point. Nothing good ever came out of her saying things, pleading. Everyone left eventually. She should have known better than to get attached to one who would never care for her back.

Mother was right. Yewkit understood it now - she had been trying to protect her from the very beginning and Yewkit foolishly went against her, getting herself into this mess.

She blinked once, twice, and Talon had turned away.

All that was left was the memories, of Talon keeping her warm and safe, carrying her in his jaws and on his back, shielding her from the world. Him and Meadowpaw, finding her in that field, telling her she was okay, that everything was okay. Talon telling her he missed her. He promised! Was all of that a lie? Or just duty to his clan, simple as that, nothing more and nothing less?

How could she have been so foolish as to believe he truly cared for her? Mother had told her no one would care for her without wanting something in return, and Yewkit had nothing to give. And so Talon had left. And Yewkit couldn't even blame him for it.

 

[Talonpaw]

The look in her gaze- that look of fear, of hurt, of... Betrayal. Talon could not look at her. Could not, could not. He was hurting her. He was- he needed to. Or he'll actually hurt her. You'll destroy her, and it'll be your fault. And no one will look at you the same.

" y' thought..." About the promise? I promised- "Nothing!" His voice cracked, ripped out into a snarl. He felt his entire being, everything who he tried so hard to be, rip and tear through his body as his torn mouth snarled. Spit gathered at the edges of his mouth, and blue eye was split from the slit of his pupil. "Thinking gets you killed, trusting- trusting gets y' killed, thinkin' y' don't think, y' don't learn! Y ' dont-" his body trembled, his tail lashed, and his obsidian claws pulled through the dirt, finding grip in the duty surface.

"Yer a kid, an' kids shouldn't be actin' like me, kids shouldn't be near me, go play." talon snarled, removing claws from the divots in the dirt as he removed his face from close to Yewkits. His body trembled, he shook- and then a breath.

His heart rampaged in his chest. His breathing slowly evened, and his eye closed. He did not care. He could not care.

Caring was dangerous.

Talon was no longer wanting to be Talonpaw. He was no longer wanting to be here.

Not when I have to destroy everything I ever worked for. They won't protect me. They will never protect me.

"Leave me ALONE." He snarled again, turning his body and slipping from Yewkits sight. Disappearing back into the den.

​

Talon he/him, windclan 8 moons old.
black tabby with dark greyish brown undercoat and white underbelly. white crest on chest, and scars lining left side of face, blinding his right eye. icey blue eyes and white that is slowly starting to streak his features. Back scars non-existent for now.
mentored by Merrystalk // mentoring none
littermate to none
NPC x NPC / father/mother to none / mated to none
"speech" // "thoughts"
penned by Deidre ↛ deidre on discord, feel free to dm for plots. Art by PurpleCandyCorn.

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

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.

Yewkit understood now that mother was only trying to protect her, that she was only doing what was best for the kitten. How could she have been so stupid as to let him so close to her heart? Mother was right and so was he - trusting gets you killed.

Despite this betrayal, Yewkit never expected Talon to get so close to her, with teeth bared, snarling in her face. She could feel his hot breath on her face, but she could only stare, too terrified to move. Her body trembled and her eyes filled with tears as she watched the tom unsheath his claws and Yewkit flinched, expecting the worst to come - and she knew she deserved it.

I couldn't be mad at you, he had said, yet now it seemed her mere existence sent the tom snarling, and she backed away, terrified. "I..I..I'm sorry.. I.. I didn't..-" she shut her mouth then - there was no point in saying what she meant or didn't mean. The reality was she had messed up and he was going to hurt her if she didn't leave. Leave me ALONE, the unfamiliar tom in front of her snarled and she turned around, bolting out of there, stumbling over her own paws.

She couldn't go to the nursery - she couldn't break down in front of mother. Mother didn't like messes. Yewkit didn't like messes.

Her breathing stung her lungs and she hiccuped with sobs, unable to stop. She couldn't let others see her this way, she had to go, she had to go. Her vision blurred through the tears, her movements just frantic instict, with no reason of where she was running.

Don't expect closeness if you have nothing to give in return. Yewkit recalled the words uttered by mother in her dream. Love is not given freely.
...
You cannot rely on them to not leave you when you prove too much trouble to handle
...
Control yourself. she remembered. You're the only one you can rely on. Don't let them see you like this.

It was all proving to be true, to be real. Yewkit was just too stupid to realise what was to come. Too stupid to see what was right in front of her. Too stupid to let go of hope.

Yewkit didn't know which part of camp she ran to, but her running got forcibly stopped as her body collided with another's. The kitten startled, "I..I'm sorry, I..-" Finally, her eyes focused and Yewkit stared at the dappled coat of the one she had crashed into - none other than Meadowpaw. No.. "I'm sorry, I didn't...I..- I wasn't looking.." she blurted out, scared. Her ears drooped lower as her body trembled while she apologised. "Please...please don't be upset, I.. I'm sorry."

She couldn't handle the healer being upset with her too. Even if they weren't friends, even if their closeness was just a ruse, Meadowpaw yelling at her too would surely break the fragile kit. If she were to crumble now, she feared nothing would be able to pick the pieces together again, her heart to be shattered and scattered on the wind forever, never to be fixed again.

But maybe that's what she deserved.

OOC: @Meadowpaw ​