No one could love him like she did and even that had been affection that did not meet his standards. Was it because of her duties as medicine cat or was that just how Serpentberry always was? He mourned her death but in recent moons he wondered why he cried for a cat who always seemed to be looking into the distance away from him. Maybe it was his fault, maybe his own feelings were too big for his body but they had nowhere else to go. Stars knows he was not an easy kitten to deal with, constantly into mischief and messing up her stores for attention, she was not a cruel mother but there was something lacking. Something he wanted. Stilldream was a solid presence he followed, the strange double eared cat often the only one he could talk to though he never knew if she was listening; extra ears or not he sensed the faintest bit of hostility when he opened his mouth.
His siblings had their own training, attentive mentors and a focus forward but what did he have? It felt as though Leafpaw had never moved from being a kitten, that his time training was a waste, that he clung to the nest desperately wishing to go back and it showed. The chocolate tortie was immature at best and cruel at worst, he hated the kittens his mother brought to camp; that she died and left them there as a memory she had given her love elsewhere was a claw to his heart.
And Loonstar.
Everytime he sees them he can only imagine a world his father lived, surely things would have been better, surely he would feel warmth under the guidance of the tom he had never gotten to meet - he had heard enough to know he was kind, loving, was it his death that changed Serpentberry or was she always that way? She cared more about Rowanfeather than him, he was convinced, this clan held nothing for him but a memory of loss - the kind he never had and the kind he'd never get again. Most of all, Leafpaw misses his mother, the unasked questions, the sight of her across camp in her den, she did listen to him when he spoke of his training but he wished they spoke more. Wished he had more. Wish he'd gotten MORE.
His pelt like scattered leaves, dappled under the sun moved through the camp to the edge of it - the meeting was soon and he would have a new name and the thought filled him with such agonizing dread he thought he might be sick. A name from her, a name he would live with forever. Blessed by the cat who stole Serpentberry's attention from him, who felt she had a right to mourn like he did. His jaw clenched, teeth gritting as he dragged himself through the bramble bushes and out of sight. It would take at least until the end of the day for any cat to notice him gone and by then he would have lost the trail easily.
ThunderClan was unbearable. ThunderClan only made him hurt. He couldn't stay any longer. Briefly he considered going back to tell Thistlepaw and Rattlepaw goodbye, but they might try to stop him...
He isn't sure he's strong enough to ignore their pleas. So like a leaf to the wind he catches a breeze and he's gone.
Knowing his warrior ceremony is coming and having a lot of internal angst still about his mother, Leafpaw has run away and his trail goes cold around twolegplace!
-
I am left standing on the edge - wondering how we got this far
-
Leafpaw
— apprentice of thunderclan
— He/Him
"SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
— Chocolate tortoiseshell with olive green eyes.
#ba7a5d
