the thought lingered on his mind all night after him and meadow spoke. the idea that he didn't have to leave, that he could stay. that he could learn like the other children, that he could be better. it seemed far fetched. it seemed too good to be true. she needed his help, they needed extra paws. she could use the help to find herbs during leafbare.
He didn't know what leafbare was. He only knew he would already be struggling out there. He only knew his vision was deteriorated, his skills likely sloppy from the rest and lack of practice. And it was likely a far better deal for them than him. There was the curiousity of morningpaw, the hope she held, there was the generosity, and the genuine feelings he felt from meadowpaw. There was a brightness here that he had never thought to see, in a world that was usually dim, threatening.
talon was very much untrusting about the situation, but there was hope. A slight bit of hope... dustystar and him hardly spoke since he arrived- but what would talon have said? besides the thank you he had already handed the leader, the shame coiled around his throat, his stomach like a snake constricting his will to breathe.
as the sun rose, peeked over the horizon, he dealt with the ritual of the new poultice over his lost eye. It wasn't as much as at first. it still brought pain, and he wouldn't admit it, but it was like meadowpaw and Bengt knew. their paws worked with a magic unheard of by him- spoke of murmurs of herbs, but talon- unlike the day before, was quiet again.
and when they were done, he slipped out of the den, frosty blue gaze glinting in the soft light of the horizon. Mottled brown slunk through the camp, around the edge- out of the way. out of sight, out of mind.
until he spotted the leader.
at first, his paws stepped forward, but the flash of the teeth snapped in his mind and he froze momentarily, his breaths ragged for a moment, paws tensing.
but that wasn't dustystar. her voice echoed over it, her eagerness to strive to get him help- and it delivered a strength to step towards the leader, a dip of his scarred head, of his torn ears. "Dustystar." A greeting, a blink of respect in his otherwise empty gaze. "do y' have a moment?" And if she did, if she beckoned him to speak, he would take the opportunity before the bubbling fear struck him down.
"Meadowpaw... Mentioned leafbare. I wanted t' pay y' guys back for keepin me alive. Helping me." he took a pause, blue eye steady, but brain racing for the right wording, the questions. his voice wasn't as hoarse as the beginning, a bit deeper, a bit better sounding- "I can offer help for food, and herbs, as asked, and I can stay if ya will have me- at least until.. leafbare is over. Then, I can be out of your fur."
But there was something that... Craved to stay here. Would that be too much to ask? He left his statement in the air, his eye distant. Meadowpaw thought he hated being here. That he felt trapped. But he didn't. It was different, overwhelming. But...
it was safe.
And he hated the possibility that if he leaned into that feeling of safety, he'd watch his world crumble and burn. So he stiffened his shoulders, and finally turned his single gaze to dustystar.
@Dustystar
