He moves swiftly, with no need to catch his nonexistent breath there is no delay in his trek to their home and to the den that had once been made with the intention to shelter his small family. His smaller family. Though new lives were born they all look so frail in this place without him, he feels his own absence like a poison seeping through his veins as he gazes upon the patchwork pelt of his mate in her quiet despair.
"My heart, my Serpent, please forgive me.", he whispers. She looks tired, but more achingly beautiful than he remembers though they had not parted for long before his time came to an end. Perhaps his longing, his knowledge he would never be close to her again made her look even more appealing in his eyes, a sanctuary awaiting to comfort, an oasis in a dry heat. He sees Rowan's nest nearby, her brother missing but he assumed out wandering with his tireless paws. Thornstar waits, his glimmering form before her as she looks down at their young and his heart seizes with unexpected grief once more, will it ever fade-will he ever not feel pain like teeth in his throat ripping him from his body when he lays mismatched eyes upon his home, his family. "I'm sorry for leaving you." When she looks up he smiles, moving to curl around her as he once did but there was no warmth in his touch now, only a faint rustling like a breeze as his luminescent form settles down to lean his head over her back.
His eyes roam over the kittens, newborn and soft, tiny furred forms shifting restlessly and drowsily as they squirmed closer to their mother's belly for warmth and he feels his heart break all over again. He will not be here, he will not get to watch their first steps, not get to hear the first word uttered from tiny mouths in broken mewls, he will not see them become apprentices and then eventually warriors in the clan he helped to found. Thornstar lowers his head, nose gentle brushing over each furred form, a mottled patch of autumn leaves, a sliver of spotted ash, a mosaic blend between his and Serpent's pelts; his kittens are beautiful as the molly who brought them into this world and he swallows hard before his head tilts up to touch his nose to hers.
"I know what you did..." Thornstar says softly, his tone strained but there is no hatred there in his heart for her, how could he resent what was done with his best intentions, with the colony's best intentions and even with the best intentions to his father. Serpent had not poisoned the old tom to be cruel, it was a mercy he himself was not strong enough to deliver. When he first realized, enlightened with an almost ethereal understanding of the world he left behind, he had been angry briefly, but that had faded almost as quickly as it arose burning in his chest. "I forgive you, my heart of hearts. Yours was not and will not be an easy path, but you have already proven to be willing to do what is necessary and I trust that won't change." His kits and mate were safe here in this clan, his best friend overseeing them in his stead. The lynx point leans back, inhaling a deep breath before he smiles in a sad but gentle way, "The stars have chosen you as ThunderClan's medicine cat, you will speak to us for guidance, when needed, you will heal the clan with your skills in herbs and remedies...and you will also be named in the way a warrior would be, but your name will hold an all new meaning. You will be Serpentberry, a reminder of what you are capable of, of the decisions you will have to make, of the lives you must protect at all costs..."
The stars do not let them linger too long on this earth without an otherworldly attachment, he feels himself flickering and fading, his pelt strewn with light rising upward in a swilling mist, "I love you, I will never stop loving you and when you are done with your time here...I will be waiting. Always."
