{$title} Inner turmoil, and recovery prominent.
Flowercloud, back when she was flowerpaw, was so different- her green eyes were solemn, yet the grin that spread on her white muzzle was infectious. Shed tried to light every step she took, she tried to pass on affirmations shed tell herself to others.
Have you ever, looked at your reflection- and told yourself you were everything you needed to be?
With that catch, did you tell yourself, you knew you could do it?
Did you know you are strong? You are, and as long as you believe it- shout it to the clouds!
Even when others crushed her down, laughed at her words, reminded her, she wasn't even skyclan born- even as she watched, seeing mothers hold their babies, hold their family, Flowerpaw had stayed strong, as much as a young child could. But shed press deep into Duskpools pelt, tears welling at the edges.
I missed the catch- and they laughed.
They told me I couldnt be a true skyclan warrior- is that true duskpool? Can I really not be a true skyclanner?
Shed remembered his response- kids were cruel, and he'd pull a paw to ruffle her head, and remind her. Remind her to tell herself what she told others. But she never really listened to herself. The anxiety pulled at the frayed edges. When you find a stray string, and you pull at it, pick at it- and eventually it's unraveled thread.
She could put it back together- she could weave it. She could find the strength, but lately, she kept picking at it- pulling at it with teeth bared and claws unsheathed. Her fur was a matted mess by this point. The light in her eyes were dim- could they see?
They can only see your pain, flowercloud.
"That's not true. There's... More there. They don't just see that."
Then why do they stare?
"I don't know. There's nothing to see."
That's what you think.
"What-"
You hurt her. You hurt him. You are hurting everyone around you.
"No I'm not."
Really?
"I don't hurt people."
So... You don't think duskpool is hurting?
"i-"
Mmmmm.... What's the excuse this time? He didn't want you to spill blood?
"My son died!"
And everyone feels the loss.
"What do you want?"
For you to open your eyes, Flowercloud.
"I dont-"
You're scared.
"I'm not scared! And I don't need your help! I don't need anyone's help!"
Then open your eyes.
"Its hard."
Hurt people hurt people, Flowercloud. Open your eyes.
She hadn't realized they were closed, green gaze opening, teeth clenched, and she saw it. The white along her pelt dingy, unkempt. The swirls of knots. The dried blood from prey- unclean.
Her gaze lifted, and before her was a blinding light, gaze squinted- pupils slitted, but as she opened them, she seen only herself before her. Younger, clean- free from the stress. Her fur flowed, and there was a confidence in the nod, an approval.
It wasn't that hard, now was it?
"I'm not appreciating this."
You wouldn't would you. What do you see?
"...." Her jaws snapped shut and the other watched carefully. The quiet was suffocating.
You know what to do.
"Where are you going?"
Oh, I thought you didn't need anyone's help?
"I don't."
Then you know what you need to do.
-----
Flowercloud woke up, a gasping breath. It wasn't a nightmare, but it was exhausting. To see clearly, for the first time in how many moons it had been. She left before dawn rose from the warriors den, her breaths heavy, the birds hadn't woken yet to sing their songs, and the shadows felt suffocating like the silence. She paused over a puddle, for a moment- not believing. The slice over her eyebrow was healed over, fur missing, but a reminder. Her fur dingy, her eyes tired.
I'm sorry.
It wasn't directed at anyone, besides herself. Because it wasn't fair. But life wasn't fair, now was it? She pulled a raspy tongue over fur, and she pulled, and she pulled. She chewed, she cleaned, and she made herself right. For the first time, as the dawn light slowly seeped over the horizon, casting light through the trees- she didn't think of work. Because the work she was doing was for herself. The frayed edges were being tied tight. The tapestry was forming, and for the first time in a long time, when she pushed herself back into camp looking different, brighter.
I'm ready.
flowercloud - 36 moons - skyclan deputy - mentoring none
