{$title} After Ivorystorm expresses fear that talon may hurt Yew... Talonpaw has a deep anxiety attack while still alone in the medicine den. Please proceed with caution while reading this. Mentions of blood, self deprecating, and other subjects.
Words rung in his ears. On repeat. Images, memories, they swam in his mind, constricting his throat. He didn't feel right… he didn't feel okay. His vision was dizzy.
"Talon… you're hurting."
Hurt was all the boy knew. How long had it taken for him to realize this? Every breath he inhaled burned his throat like acid. Each swallow was dry. These last few moons… they passed by so quickly.
"I'm not fit for the clan- an' meadowpaw shouldn't have t' worry over me. I made her cry. She cried, because I reacted. An' she doesn't deserve that. I almost hit Branchkit- but I didn't. I didn't- but what if I did?"
His own words made him spiral. His chest was tight, it was hard to breath. A desperate gasping motion, a paw on his throat. In…out- normal paced breaths were impossible. Please, please help…. He couldn't cry it out. I need help.
But he was alone….
"You're talking like you're some monster I need protecting from, but you're not! I worry about you because you're my friend! Because I care about you, not because I feel like I have to!"
It distorted. Something distorted. His mind warped voices as he pressed pads into his head, over his ears, trying... Trying to get it to stop.
"You're... A monster! ... I need protecting from!"
It wasn't real.. he wasn't he wasn't. He wasn't! Talons shoulders shook, his tail hooked into the side of his leg.
Why was caring so scary? Why didn't he expect this would happen? Ivorystorm… she didn't trust him. She thought he would hurt Yewkit…. He almost hurt Branchkit. He almost… a shuddered breath escaped him. How could he be so foolish to actually believe them?
*I don't want you hurting my daughter- I don't trust you, leave her alone* it rung in his head. he was alone...
his heart thudded against the cage of his chest. the sound bounced off the walls. he felt his muscles tensing... He was alone...
you're going to hurt her!
His teeth gritted together, claws digging into the dirt beneath him in front of his nest. When did it get so hot?... What was real? His world spun as he tried to stand. His legs shook underneath him, swaying like a tree as the ground spun.
I don't trust you, you've been nothing but trouble!
The image of the shadowclanner kid... The scent of blood twisted with the smell of his own… tears slid from his eye, a tongue rolling over the divot in his lip, the exposed teeth that he would never heal from. He could never forget the way his teeth wanted to dig into the shadowclanners throat…
"I am a monster! I am dangerous, why don't you get that?"
His whole body convulsed in the tears. His claws slid through the dirt, obsidian talons leaving deep incisions in the earth, teeth gritting together as he dragged his claws through.
"If the child wants to go somewhere..."
"You're a child…"
How can a monster… be a child. How can others see him as a child? He was bigger than most… he was… he was dangerous. He was dangerous.hewasdangeroushewasdangerous. he couldn't breathe.
youreachild.
He was alone.
Don't trust anybody.
They're only going to hurt you.
You're talking like you're some monster!
He couldn't breathe.
Why was he crying?
Ivory didn't touch him. She was scared … she should be. He should be.
They'll kick me out if they ever knew what I did…
Why didn't they see? He had told meadow… he had told meadow he almost had killed one. But remorse, the guilt is what made him not a monster?
He was alone.
Talon crumpled. His arms curled around himself. His eye squeezed shut as tears ran down his cheek. His chest hurt…his eyes burned…he felt sick. The look of terror on Yewkits mismatched eyes as he reached forward to pet her. He hadn't initially noticed… he hadn't… he hadnt….
"You're not here to punish me?"
Punish… punish… council in the medicine dens- he had broken rules, his scar he licked again at his lip, he tasted the salt from the water, from the tear. This was punishment enough… punish. Punish….
He was going to hurt everyone around them.
They were blinder than he was.
How could he….
He should've never came here.
"You promise?"
"I promise"
No, no he couldnt- he couldn't hurt Yewkit. Ivorystorm was right. Ivory was right. His mother was right. They were wrong. They were lying to him. They didn't know him. They didn't understand him.
And now… now he had to break his promise to Yewkit. Before he really hurt her. Because Ivorystorm was right. Because he was right.
He was not safe.
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Talon he/him, windclan 10 moons old.
black tabby with dark greyish brown undercoat and white underbelly. white crest on chest, and scars lining left side of face, blinding his right eye. icey blue eyes and white that is slowly starting to streak his features. Back scars non-existent for now.
mentored by Merrystalk // mentoring none
littermate to none
NPC x NPC / father/mother to none / mated to none
"speech" // "thoughts"
penned by Deidre ↛ deidre on discord, feel free to dm for plots. Art by PurpleCandyCorn.
