{$title} The night following roses death and the gathering.
They had prettied you up real well, hadn't they, Rosebelly? He had always been handsome to Flowercloud. His one floppy ear, his soft fur that she had nestled her nose into, her paws rested underneath her. Her throat burned. Her eyes rested close, as if they were both just sleeping. It had been some time since they returned from the gathering, but Flowercloud could not find her voice to speak, and bodies came and rested beside them, yet, she found no solace. Her body still unkempt, still unclean. Shed find the energy to do that soon, but not now. Never now.
Remember when you were younger? Wed tussle in the camp, and you'd always been so fierce, but you know that. My little rosebud- your thorns were always so sharp. A soft exhale, one that Rosebelly could never take again- her eyes opened, but they burned. Everything felt like fire. Rose was such a perfect name for the young name he had become. And she questioned still- the mockery of the warrior name he was given. But she did not blame Hawkstar. They wouldn't have known. They couldn't have.
Her large body shook, and tears brimmed, so she shut her eyes again. Pressed her nose harder into chocolate fur. Too young, she thought. She repeated in her head as her teeth clenched. Fighting that feeling of breaking.
He did not wear the crown they made him, Cygnetscratch had wanted to keep it, and she would not deny her that. She could not deny them what they wanted, she never could. The late nights up, the many questions they asked, even as their voices faded to soft snores, to kicking paws deep into her pelt. All five kits- so strong, so bold, so courageous. In their own ways.
Painted in flowers, and herbs that hid his scent, but she could still smell him, her muzzle deep into his fur, teeth clenched to prevent the tears of pain. But she couldn't hold back anymore. The sky was changing colours now, and she knew soon, the time would come she would have to bury him. Her chest heaved, tears flooding down her cheeks as she pressed her nose harder in the sobs to roses shoulder, if that was even possible. Quiet sobs escaped and racked her body.
"My handsome son," she breathed, paws moving to wrap over him. "Im so sorry." I'm sorry, that you weren't home. I'm sorry, you felt home wasn't here. I'm sorry, for everything you went through. I'm sorry, you didn't have a better father. I'm sorry, that I failed you. Her breath was breaking and shaking. Her words escaping into sobs. She wasn't supposed to be mourning over her son. She wasn't supposed to be holding his dead body. And yet she was. She had been too late, seconds too late.
And yet, after this morning, and night- she would find herself working to fill the void in her heart. Because, she couldn't stop. She wouldn't let herself fall like this in front of her clan again. Tonight, this morning, right now- that was all they would see, and she would swear that.
"I'll... see you again, my little rosebud. I hope your courage stays, and, I hope, your belly stays full- as they say it will. I hope. You are near when your siblings need you- cause, I know you've always protected them. I'll always love you, I always will." Her words weren't neat. They weren't orderly. They failed their meaning, they failed their intention. But they got the point across. "I'm so proud of you," she murmured, finally pulling a bit looser away from the corpse, but still kept her nose pressed against his cold shoulder.
flowercloud - 35 moons - skyclan warrior - mentoring none
