Private Backwritten RC SC I guess I have to face that in this awful place || Amethyst & Jasper

[Amethystpaw]

Takes place a few days after Amethystpaw becomes an apprentice. Amethystpaw is in ShadowClan territory while Jasperkit is in RiverClan, the two just have soul bond and therefore are feeling similiar things

AMETHYSTPAW ๋࣭ ⭑✶⋆.˚ I SHOULDN'T SHOW A TRACE OF DOUBT

meow

Amethystpaw walks alone in the pocosin territory, tail lashing angrily - upset with nothing and everything the same. Upset with himself, with ShadowClan, with Jadethorn. Upset with the world. Just upset.

He was so excited for his apprenticeship, waking every morning in the hopes of that day being the one. Grooming himself and fluffing out his fur before patrol assignments, just in case his apprentiseship was going to come that day. Stealing sheepish looks in Crowpaw's direction, hoping soon they could sleep close to each other in the apprentice den.

Yet when the day came, Amethystpaw was the last one to be called, despite being the only one of age. Why did Sablestar call on Jadethorn's kits to be apprenticed first? Amethystpaw didn't agree, but he understood why Sablestar made the decision to apprentice them earlier than at six moons of age. But why did they have to go first? There was no reason for it other than to favor them over Amethystpaw. Just like always.

Amethystpaw knows he is an outsider, he knows he was not born in ShadowClan and has no family here. But must everyone treat him that way? ShadowClan is the only place he knows, the only place he's lived his whole life as far as he can remember. It's still his home! So why does he feel like he does not belong here?

And his mentor... Amethystpaw was hoping for someone like Grayflight, someone like his uncle, the only cat Amethystpaw can consider true family. The only one who treats him as such. Instead, the tortoiseshell was assigned to Jadethorn - not only making all of her kits envious of him, but also making it real hard for Amethystpaw himself. The Night Guard is an admirable cat, of that there's no doubt. But why is she so hard on him?

He had made one mistake! One stars forsaken mistake! Why did she have to glare at him as if he had caused her children pain? He's still an apprentice, he's still learning... so why are his mistakes viewed as something shameful? As if that was not part of growth?

✧ OOC:

@Jasperkit

 

[Jasperkit Jasperkit]

JASPERKIT ⭑✶⋆.˚ But Pulled Against The Grain

meow

The mostly white kitten giggled as cold water touched his paw- slowly, carefully he'd splash a molly nearby, her cerulean gaze widening, ducking her head with a small smile, before turning tail and leaving. Their head tilted as Lilacbird skittishly moved off, and a wave of emotions washed over him, pausing his smile and instantly his gaze looked sunken.

Their ears pulled back as they stomped their paw in the water, mismatched eyes watching the reflection ripple, feeling the cold on their paw pads from the thick mud under foot. He didn't mean to mess up so bad! He was trying to play! They hated this feeling, the feeling that Jasperkit shouldn't feel this way in their own home. Momma told him he was wanted, but sometimes he'd be left where he was now, alone. Subject to frustrated feelings or gnawing sensations of hunger even if he ate.

The kittens lips wobbled, the sudden anger a whiplash. His reflection had all but simmered to a calm, and yet... He was still angry. And so he stomped in the puddle again. And again. This wasn't fair!

✧ OOC:

n/a

 

[Amethystpaw]

๋࣭ ⭑✶⋆.˚ AMETHYSTPAW ๋࣭ ⭑✶⋆.˚

meow

For a moment, Amethystpaw halts his movements. Confusion washes over him, confusion and shock at what he's feeling. But it barely matters, for the anger boils, simmers in frustration at everything.

He walks fast, too fast to watch where he's going, and when a rock appears in his path, he does not see it. Stumbling, he falls face first into the dirt, staining one of the few pale parts of his body - his chest and face. Begrudginly, he lifts himself up again, cursing under his breath and hissing into the void around him.

His tail lashes behind him, twitchy and forced. Yet it's not enough, it's never enough, the anger inside of him feels like the weight of not one, but two souls. Not one, but two hearts. His claws lash at a nearby tree instinctively, sending wet bark everywhere, and yet it does not help.

Amethystpaw wonders if anything ever will.

✧ OOC:

n/a

 

[Jasperkit Jasperkit]

JASPERKIT ⭑✶⋆.˚ TITLE

meow

Jasperkit winced, pulling a wet paw from the water, wondering if his stomp had been too much... But when mismatched eyes landed upon the pad, there was no cut on the pale pink. But it hurt as if it had been sliced... And his lip wobbled more as he slumped down to his belly. Jasperkit had a hard time even feeling like himself, how was he supposed to feel like himself, when he never felt like it was real? Like... There was a piece missing that would solve everything...

They let out a whimper, curling their paw close to their chest. They had cats that cared about him, but he couldn't comprehend how lonely he still felt.

✧ OOC:

n/a

 

[Amethystpaw]

๋࣭ ⭑✶⋆.˚ AMETHYSTPAW ๋࣭ ⭑✶⋆.˚

meow

Something else tugs at Amethystpaw's chest, something familiar, yet distant. Companionship. The love of peers.

Amethystpaw shakes his head - he has no peers. No siblings and no kits nor apprentices his age. All he has is Blacktree, barely, and apprentices younger than him, ones who should still be kits. Ones who have been favored before him. Yet his copper eye sweeps over the clearing as if someone was there, watching him, ready to lick his wounds and take all the heartache away. Ready to comfort him and tell him everything will be alright.

How can everything be alright? His lavender colored eye narrows, looking instead down at his claws. There is no one in ShadowClan to tell him these things - no one close anyway. Growing up, he had thought he didn't need anyone - he had Blacktree and Grayflight, he had the kittens to look after, being the oldest one in the den. But it seems he was wrong.

All the pain and frustration finally releases out of him, not in the form of anger, but in the form of tears, and Amethystpaw hisses into the empty space as his cheeks soak with the salty water. Alone. Unimportant. Unloved.

✧ OOC:

n/a