I RIP THE PAGE OUT THE BOOK ౨ৎ meadowpaw

[nutmegpurr nutmegpurr]

Her excursion with Roostertuft left her head clearer, and finally, finally she had been able to get some sleep without the spray of blood haunting the space behind her eyelids... But the sun splits the sky sooner than she would have liked it to. She rouses from her sleep, an eye cracking open in exhaustion as she rolls from her nest, blearily looking around at the others around her. Not a lot of other cats are awake, yet, but she does spot a few empty nests. Her lips turn down for a moment, head rising to look at the sky overhead. Streaks of pink and orange cascade across the sky, but it seems... later than she normally wakes up. "Mmm..." she hums, sitting upwards and blinking. Her eyes catch on too familiar tortie fur, and for a second, her world slows, and... And it's nice.

She watches the steady rise and fall of his chest for just a moment. As much as she would have been content to share another quiet moment with him, she knows that she had something to do today that outweighs that... That would always outweigh that. She shakes her head to clear the last bit of sleep from her brain. I plan to make sure shes okay in the morning, she remembers saying, and its a promise she intends to keep. She picks around the sleeping bodies on gentle paws and they carry her straight towards a den, the den her sister resides in.

"Hey, buttercup... You awake?" she half-whispers in to the mouth of the medicine den, her eyes trying to adjust to the sudden dim light within. The morning sunlight from the outside warms her pelt but she cannot help the climbing freeze of dread that frosts up from her paws to her chest. "Do you-" want to go on an adventure, she swallows hard. Shes not sure why shes nervous. Is it the fear of rejection from a cat that she loves more than she loved herself? Is it the fear that she wasn't okay...? She cannot bare to bring up what they had once done, in what felt so, so long ago. "Can I come in, buttercup?" is what she settles on, short, sweet. She just wants to see her face, know that shes at least physically alright.

GOOD NEWS FOR ANYONE ♡ WHO LOVES BAD NEWS

• @Meadowpaw
  
•  
• 
  NUTMEGPURR ♡
  
  ( gale guard of windclan )​
  ❥ a tall cinnamon tortie with curled ears & pink-brown eyes; well-muscled & fluffy
  ❥ mentoring pebblepaw
  ❥ sister to meadowpaw & peafowlpaw; reluctantly interested in roostertuft
  ❥ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ❥ penned by chuff
  
  "speech"

 

[Meadowpaw]

MEADOWPAW

x

Meadowpaw stirs slowly from the space she's decided to occupy, back still aching from half-slumping over a pile of herbs. As she looks up, her eyelids feel dry and heavy. Sticking together when she blinks.

Talking with Hollowmumble helped, but she still wasn't sleeping right. She would lie down and close her eyes, but there was still something keeping her mind from settling. Maybe it was how her paws felt. She didn't know if she was imagining it or if there was still blood caked in her fur from a few nights before. No matter how many times she washed them, they still felt that way. How could she even call herself a medicine-cat when she couldn't stand that feeling? Just another thing that she would need to get over.

"—awake?"

At first, she wonders if the voice from the other side of the curtain is her imagination. It seems far too faint to belong to anyone needing help. Meadowpaw blinks slowly, head craning toward the entrance of the den. Broken light cuts a hazy outline around the shape waiting there.

The back of her throat grates as she speaks. "S-sorry yes, come in!" She quickly tries to shake the fog over her mind. A paw drifts from the pile of stems that she was separating. As her sister's mottled pelt slips past the threshold, she rises sharply. Meadowpaw winces, joints complaining from having been idle so long. "O-oh—Meggie! Hello! S-sorry if I didn't answer right away I-I was sorting these." Meadowpaw awkwardly hobbles forward to properly greet her. "Um are you feeling okay? You're not hurt, are you?" While not odd for her sister to come for a visit, fear coils in her chest anyway. Her sister is a vital member of the clan. If she becomes ill or injured, then it affects more than just them.

. . .but when did I start worrying about that? Since the gathering? Sometime before? Though it frightens her now more than ever. After what she's seen, how could it not? After her paws have been soaked in blood and she's touched the cooling pelt of someone whose life had been taken from them. She doesn't ever want the blood her paws are steeped in to be her sisters.

Meadowpaw dreads the day that one of her family stumbles into the medicine-den. That's not a possibility she likes to think about, but it could happen. And if that does happen, she's expected to keep a cool head then too. Not the easiest thing to ask of her, but it's what she'll have to do.

x

I BELIEVE THAT THERES COURAGE

BUT ITS BURNIN' LIKE ASH IN THE WIND

x

WINDCLAN

MEDICINE CAT APPRENTICE

11 MOONS

SHE/HER

Meadowpaw values kindness and remembrance. As a kit, she internalized her mother's lessons, but questioned whether her way is the only way. She has broken free from the heavy burden of her mother's expectations due to their estrangement after the fire. She remains kind and soft-spoken through all she's endured, but is not afraid to speak out for what she believes is right.

Meadow works tirelessly at any task she undertakes, desperate to prove herself capable and worthy despite her disability. Without her mother's guidance, she finds new ways to express herself.

In conversations, she is gentle, thoughtful, and withdrawn, often hiding her struggles, fearing others seeing her as incapable. She continues to have a strong bond not only with her sister, but with her adopted family as well. Meadow uses her new freedom to support and deepen the bonds with her clanmates. Additionally, she has started to explore the more spiritual side of herself…

Her worldview is a complicated mix of hope and frustration. She wants to believe that there's hope at the end of all the suffering, but feels trapped by her limitations. With enough time and support, she may find a way to overcome her limitations and accept herself.