it had been a while. he kept his single gaze watchful, alert, and his joints stayed tense. he stuck himself in the edges of camp if he dared to leave, but it left him uncomfortable. most times, he strayed out here for minutes, maybe a small shift in the sun (an hour), before secluding himself back into the medicine cats den where he made himself home. needles of pine did not lay under him, but soft grasses and moss he was unused to. his thin body had grown a bit of meat, but eating still left him uneasy. Still left him wary.
the brown mottled body pushed his nose back into the den, blue eye glancing upon the familiar apprentice looking at her piles of stocks and herbs- a scent he had grown familiar with- a scent of safety.
"meadowpaw." his usual greeting, before slinking off to his nest in the back corner, but instead, he fought the urges and pulled himself to sit beside her- his tail tucked tightly around him, his squares shoulders hunched behind his head that lowered. he was silent, watching for a few minutes.
"before I came here. I didn't think- cats helped. the last group I saw, they chased me away-" his pitiful mouse was stolen from him, already half dead when he found it. he remembered teeth snapping whiskers away from his nose. My child, this world is cruel - a voice in distant memories with a face he barely recognized. "wasn' even two moons ago, maybe three. when I was first a lost soul. smaller, naive. I stayed hidden, I watched. a cat bled, died- over a mouse. they fought teeth an' claws over who got a rabbit. they lived together- but didn't live in peace. but I watched, stayed quiet. learned t' hunt, an' eventually the practice became natural. It's different here. Older cats, they take th' children, an' they come back showing what they learned to other children. I've learned a lot more than I ever could by myself. "
He didn't really say why he was explaining it, left the silence fill the air, unsure if meadowpaw heard him or not. before this, it was but a few words, a greeting- an ask about the herbs, but not much conversation came from the child.
"I will bring you a gift, hunt a few morsels of food to pay windclan back. before you guys have me leave- a thanks to helping me. but I cannot offer much. you say... helping is what you guys do, but there's always a catch, an' I can't live in guilt of bein' a freeloader."
@Meadowpaw