Open Camp I'M NOT THE MAN THEY THINK I AM AT HOME 𖤐 leaving med den

[CROWPAW.'s icon CROWPAW. CROWPAW.]

{$title} pretend i posted this yesterday oops

CROWPAW | SHADOWCLAN
"WHEN ALL THE HATE BURNS OFF, I'M LEFT HERE WITH THE PAIN"

.

It's only been a few weeks of being stuck in the medicine den, but to Crowpaw, it's felt like years. Guilt, anger, grief… it's all muddled together in their mind, a wound far deeper than the ones on their body still festering within their core. They've thought about why they did what they did. Why the flames of rage within them refuse to die. They don't have all the answers - far from it, actually - but as they step out into camp, squinting from the sunlight that reflects off of the frosted ground, they feel as though they have had some kind of epiphany.

Is Crowpaw still angry? Yes, he is. Angry that he had to leave the only home he ever knew and come to this cursed forest. Angry that his stomach hasn't been full since the day he came here. Angry that he is so alone - and because he hadn't realized sooner that he doesn't have to be.
Despite the wrath he'd unleashed upon everyone around him, there are still cats in ShadowClan who care about him. Magpiepaw, Belladonnadance, and even young Amethystkit… if they can all believe Crowpaw is capable of being good after the stunts he's pulled, doesn't he owe it to them to at least try?

The small apprentice sits near the mouth of the medicine den now, silver eyes scanning the camp and the cats within it. Though she still looks as antisocial as ever - drooping shoulders, pinned-back ears, and her tail wrapped tightly around herself - there is a noticeable lack of venom within her demeanor, no longer akin to a snake that's waiting to strike. I can be… better, she decides. It's what 'ma would have wanted. She'd always been the troubled child throughout her kithood, though her 'ma had always believed in her to improve. She'd been… getting better, before the coyotes had taken her family from her. That version of herself is long gone, buried along with the scattered bones of her kin, but maybe she could still strive to be better in her own way. Fearless. Powerful. A true force to be reckoned with. She couldn't protect her family, and she couldn't protect herself. But maybe… maybe she can protect the ones who care about her now, if she just tries harder.

Perhaps Crowpaw will ask Belladonnadance to take them out to train today.

---

"BEHIND OUR VAIN DEVICES, ARE WE ALL THE SAME?"

CROWPAW
SHADOWCLAN APPRENTICE
8 MOONS
SHE/HE/THEY
"SPEECH" | THOUGHTS | ACTION
#E0D4EF #9275B9