Private Backwritten It's Alright If You Don't Know What You Need ◇ Pikestar

[Seabriar]

{$title} Takes place during the first gathering, after Adder kills Pike!

walk on, never look back
through you we Live

.

Seabriar had had his own misgivings of a gathering so soon after the rebirth of the clans. They were all still finding themselves. Learning what being a clan means. Riverclan...more than the rest it seemed. Adderfang was going to snap one day and do something stupid, he was sure. He was so blinded by his own vision of justice that the Life Guard hardly saw the effort those around him were putting in to support his mate through it all.

He took no joy in his concerns being proven correct when Pikestar fell. The silver tom's form faintly shimmering before him as his first life was stripped from him and Seabriar sighed. He had hoped he would not meet him again in Starclan so soon-certainly not like this. "Easy, Pike-" He meows, moving forward to support the other as Pike sits up perhaps a bit too quickly for his liking. There was genuine concern his eyes, his voice. "You're ok, you're ok. You... You acted like a real leader there, but it seems Adderfang was too far gone to listen to reason."

Or perhaps more likely he had been angered that at that moment was when Pike had showed more certainty and backbone instead of rolling over.

"You're learning."

Forever 40 Moons

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Ancient Riverclan

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he/him

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bio

 

[PIKESTAR PIKESTAR]

Was it peculiar that he felt safe? The way he had been killed by Adderfang was painful, but what came after was gentle. It felt as if the other lives within him gently dragged him down into the depths of the ocean. The bubbling sounds that surrounded him were a soothing lullaby. Truthfully, the weightlessness made him consider for a moment just staying where he was. However, he knew this was only temporary. It shouldn't have been. If he hadn't been blessed with nine lives... No if he hadn't known of Starclan... Adderfang's actions would have ended his story. There would be nothing. Not even watching his killer roam around from the stars. That fact alone was caused dread. The peace he had once found solace in now rattled him, so much so he jolted with a start.

The voice that calls to him is drowned out by the sound of rushing water. Strange. Everything feels so weird. What brings him out of his thoughts is warmth. Instinctively he looks for its source. Seabriar. He hadn't seen the starclanner in some time. No matter how much Pikestar tried dreaming of him or called for him, he never showed. At a certain point, the silver leader had given up trying. He had thought Seabriar had given up on him. Perhaps, those still within him also refused to make themselves known out of disappointment or shame. After all, they were one. At least, that is Pikestar believed. They remained silent, but they were within him. Enduring the scorn of his clanmates and watching as their host failed time and time again.

It is only when he sees the concern behind Seabriar's gaze that he realizes that he hadn't been abandoned. The silence of those within him hadn't meant they've given up hope. If they truly gave up on him then he wouldn't be met with reassurance. Seabriar could very well have been cruel, but there seemed to be a hint of pride behind their words.

"But I'm learning when its always too late."

He doesn't give Seabriar a chance to interrupt him.

"If I didn't have these lives you gave me, I'd be dead. Really dead."

There is no denying it. The wounds that Adderfang inflicted were far too grave to come back from, especially if he had no lives to spare. The only reason why he had a second chance was because of the stars.

The dam finally bursts.

"Why? Why did Starclan choose me? I've given it some time, but I still don't get why. I'm sure you and everyone else has been watching, but not a lot of Riverclanners are happy I'm leader! Adderfang himself wanted me to step down. Sure, it's not good to listen to that from a cat who killed me, but! You've seen how unhappy everyone is with me! I ruined everything because I'm too soft! Shadowclan took advantage of me! And... Everyone paid the price."

Maybe Pineheart is right. He is nothing more than a child given a crown. A true king wouldn't start trembling and sob over his own mistakes. However, he did not have Hawkstar's strength. Did not have Dustystar's decisiveness. Did not have Juniperstar's resolution. Did not have Sablestar's cunning nature. He was simply Pikestar. The leader that no one respected and if anything they saw him as some friendly moron.

A paw rubs at one of his eyes while he sniffles.

"Be honest with me. Please."

He tilts his head to fully look at Seabriar.

"Does Starclan think I'm a mistake? Would they prefer if someone else becomes leader?"

𝐨𝐨𝐜 𓆩♱𓆪 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭

• PIKESTAR

  — leader of riverclan, former shipyard cat
  ♱ 40 moons — he/him — ages realistically on the 1st — mentoring iciclepaw
  ♱ speech is

  "#36D9AB"

  — thoughts are italics — attacks are underlined
  ♱ short haired silver mackerel tabby with green eyes
  ♱ peaceful & healing powerplay permitted — underline & tag when attacking
  ♱ penned by velou — kasaven on discord — open to plots & dms