.
Hawkeye had always wanted to be leader. Hawkeye had dreamed vicious dreams of seizing SkyClan's throne between her claws and having the crown placed victoriously upon her head - a star-studded ring of divinity passed from leader to leader, only to be given to a king.
Hawkeye had been a dreamer, whereas Hawkstar… Hawkstar was a fool, still wet behind the ears from rebirth from warrior to war-mother of her clan. She had imagined leadership to be heroism, and the journey to be her epic saga, experienced in the same golden haze that the stories of LionClan and LeopardClan were told. But the journey had not been her great forthcoming, and her clan was not some great empire returning to glory. They were but one of many tired and starving groups in this forest, all as equally stupid as the rest.
And yet the world still turned, even when her starry crown slipped from head to throat, slip-knotted and tightening with every twitch against the invisible yoke.
"SkyClan, to me," and again, they are expected to follow in and she is expected to dictate to them what they are to know and want and need. She is expected to lead. Even when her head hurts so much she can barely stand and her eye is swimming in the pain and discomfort pounding behind the optic nerve.
Electric blue swipes a pass over her deputy. Her sole medicine cat. Her lowly Sunguard. She hates them all. Weak, soft, ungainly. Kittypet lovers and defenders. Unimpressive warriors. All reflections of her own poor leadership. This was the image they gave to the other clans, and it all began with her own weaknesses. It was surely no coincidence that Coffeestar's spiritual leaders did not disappear without a trace, with no sign to the cat that was meant to work in tandem with them. What else could it mean for Hawkstar that her medicine cat had been stolen from her so soon? So … matter of factly? What else, what … who …
And then, almost to distract from the dizziness and nausea and the thought of a cruel pantheon rejecting her life's purpose: "I have a question." a beat. "I have a request."
She swings her head forward, teetering on her ledge, electric blue drunkenly swinging from cat to cat before landing on her target. " @fitzgerald ."
"Is your apprentice prepared to take their assessment or must I assign them a task?" Her head tilts, gesturing to Teaselpaw, matter-of-fact. Unbothered by the tactlessness in her own words. She was SkyClan's leader after all, what did it matter how she spoke if the leash was meant to choke her anyways. "It would be a shame to not graduate siblings together, no?"