Closed The Colony powerless to stop it 𓇻 hawthorne

[juniperstar]

juniper

she lingers just outside, just outside, always a step away to match whatever free strides he made. serpent could not... heavy as she was with kits, foretelling a more daunting future than the one already laid out in front of them. her lips threaten to crack from constant, nervous licks to wet them, grown frigid by each cold breeze. the rustle of a departing form reminds her of her presence, of the way the fall licks at her paws with damp, muddy prickles of discomfort. "Hawthorne."

her head tilts slightly, eyes rounded with sympathetic uncertainty, "How is Fray...?" She could imagine the turmoil that roiled in his belly with every sunrise spent tending to a hardly aware parent... selfishly, she is glad that her own parents had found less kind, abrupt fates. the urge to reach out and touch him is fleeting, fearful that poking at a trembling frame barely held together might see it crumbled apart.

the spotted she-cat shakes her head, trying to dismiss her question- Fray was never going to just improve. age had caught him... there was nothing to be done for a life well lived... "Never mind... How are you?" his ribs weren't the most hidden they'd ever been... and despite the sincerity of his smile, there was a profound sadness that seemed buried in the sparkle of his eyes.

 

[Thornstar]

He almost wants to laugh at the question as it registers, the sound of his name had slowly pulled his attention and he found himself staring blankly at Juniper for a moment before they continued to speak - as if he had not fully comprehended being spoken to. He was so lost in his thoughts lately, it was a wonder it could straight without going nose first into the ground of bumping into any cat nearby him as he walked. The question shifts before he can even figure out how to respond to it. How is Fray? Dying, of course. Nothing has changed. Nothing will. It was taking him so long to accept this fact but he could do nothing about it but continue to tend to his father and hope he was taken as gently as could be when the time came. What came after this, he found himself thinking often. Was the ground all that existed when a cat finally stopped moving? Were they destined to be feed for the worms and grubs, nourishment for the grass to grow and nothing more? Some cats of the colony believed in different things, odd names and glorified objects that they held close to their hearts but he...he had none of that.
The second question isn't much easier to answer than the first, but its at least lighter "Tired." He says, resignation in his tone but a smile on his face, the hollow place beneath his eyes burrowed deeper every day, Hawthorne wonders if he might fall into those depths if he isn't careful. "I almost dread coming to see him now, I...what a horrible son I am. I find myself wishing on whatever spirits might hear that he is gone when I step into this den each time and each time he's still..."
The chocolate tabby trails off, his tail flicks in irritation at himself, at everything, at his father, at the world. There are so many things to blame and none of them fair or right but he needs something to turn against when so much has turned against him. "Junebug, what do I do? We can't keep going like this, but he's my father..."

 

[juniperstar]

juniper

the answer is barely more than a whisper on the wind... an admission for the tiniest hairs along her ears to scrape to grab at. her concern doesn't lessen with the truth, it's something she already knew, even if she denied it in the vain hope he was still her Hawthorne. that bright-eyed wonder with an infatuation for meeting new faces, drawing ties out of mutual need and want. Someone that thrived on companionship and laughter. he's not there.... or if he is, he's drowning so far down she can barely make out the darkened mitts of his paws reaching for the surface. I'm trying... I'm trying to help you...

he has to know he isn't alone... right?

"You are not... a horrible son," the flecked cat murmurs, tentatively reaching out a paw to gingerly rest on top one of his own. they're so cold... it almost stings her pads on contact. wishing for his peaceful passing feels more like a compassionate hope than a cruelty... every morning he wakes up is another spent suffering the state of his body. unable to give his family the support it needs, the colony the leadership it craves. even if he saw the birth of his grandkits... what good would it do? he would not recognize them for what they are... would not be able to rise to greet them. it would be a mercy... to let him rest.

it startles her to think that way... and a sobering thought crawls around in her stomach- Is that how I feel about it... or just what Sable's told me? uncertainty makes her chest tighten and she is only freed from that by the beacon of a childhood nickname- a flare asking for help. "You... try to enjoy what time he has left. Even if it's not much, it's all you've got," her voice is soft, a sorrowful smile to match the somber tone. "I'll do what I can to keep everyone calm... They have to understand. They'll understand. I know they're upset, they're worried... scared even but it'll be okay as long as we stick to what Fray built. We're stronger together- they won't forget that."

they can't forget that.

 

[Thornstar]

He remembers when he was younger how he would often face every cat directly and speak with unwavering desire to know them, understand them, he was the talker of the two of them, the chatty one to Juniper's more subdued and quiet reflection. Hawthorne thrived on energy, on the pulse of other's heartbeats alongside his own. He loved meeting new cats, he loved making new companions, but over the moons since Fray had grown more and more frail he found himself withdrawing as well. Now he heard the whispers of dissent, could tell cats were looking at him in a new way though he himself had not changed other than becoming more quiet. Now the idea of approaching a colony mate filled him with dread, made him question if they even thought him worthy, if they thought him a failure.
"I don't even know if he knows I'm there. If he's even aware." They both knew this constant watching, waiting, was more for Hawthorne's sake than the older tom who might not even be there mentally any longer, he rarely woke long enough to eat as it were, if he ate at all. Hawthorne wondered if the prey was too hard to chew, if he could tear it into smaller pieces or even find something less bloody and raw such as berries or nuts - those worked for the mice and squirrels, surely a cat might enjoy them too? It could liven him up perhaps? Even as he thinks it he knows its foolish, head shaking as he glances to the side, "Will they even want to follow me at all? My father built this colony himself, opened his home and heart to so many, I don't even know if they would humor me in his place. I'm not as cunning, I'm not as confident...I'm just..." He trailed off, tail lashing, " "Hawthorne." Was just Hawthorne enough?
Was he strong enough to handle this weight? At least he wasn't in this endeavor alone, though his trust in others was wavering, Juniper at least was always a consistent and solid presence, ""Thank you, Junebug, for everything. I appreciate the help-truly. You're a good friend and you'll be a wonderful kitsitter as well I warrant." The last part was said with a rare genuine smile, his expression often wore one on instinct alone as of late but the warmth from this one made clear his sincerity.

 

[juniperstar]

juniper

her head lifts, turning slowly back towards the shrouded den that hosts their dying leader. it's quiet... much like his mind.. like his tongue that does not wag with stories like it had once. did he remember them at all? all the tall tales he used to share- about great creatures that wander the forests, the spirits that crash through the brush late at night to scare naughty kittens? did she remember them well enough to pass them along?

Hawthorne stirs her with the truth of his uncertainties, insecurities that fester under his skin and encourage him to hide. he didn't need to hide... at least not from those that truly valued what this colony represented. he hadn't tested his skills as a guide- he'd been so devoted to what mattered most to him. "I'm not certain..." Juniper wouldn't lie to him and promise they'd all fall in line, not when she knew of a frustrated few who already stewed with impatience. "Maybe... a colony like this isn't something you can lead alone anyways...?" It would've been so much easier if Fray had handed out bite sized pieces of his role for them to digest with fragile teeth.

it seems like he doesn't intend to linger on it, "Hawth, you don't have to thank me-" but he presses on with a twinkle, a fleck of a smile... she can't bring herself to fight his praise, offering only a simmering purr and a reach of a nose to the thin flesh of his ear. "You're gonna name one after me right? For your best friend, Junebug?" it's a weak joke, a selfish request lacking any sincerity. "Kitsitting.... huh....? If you told me this new-leaf you'd be expecting a litter in a few seasons I wouldn't have believed you."

the molly pulls a smile onto her face, trying to make it believable despite the nervous twist in her gut. "It's gonna get better! Try not to lose hope."