TW: Sensitive Content Camp The dizziness just compliments this failure of a girl || Yew & Pebble

[Yewkit]

CONTENT WARNING: General trauma response, gaslit thoughts

YEWKIT

Self-fulfilling prophecy

You never fail to comfort me

.

.

After what Talonpaw had done, Yewkit had no desire to believe anyone's promises of friendship and care. Nobody but Meadowpaw's, for she couldn't let herself give up on the healer, not anymore. She feared it would break her.

But him? Yewkit watched the fresh warrior tend to the memorial garden by himself. Yewkit didn't dare even consider Pebblestep's words from days before were meant sincerely, didn't even bother to explore the possibility. For the girl knew there was no point in it. She had let herself trust Talonpaw, she had let herself open her heart to him and all he did was shred it to pieces - emotionally, not physically, but only because she ran away. She still had bad memories of his claws glinting, invading her thoughts when she least needed them to. Oh how foolish she had been to let herself be so naive.

She was not going to let anyone do that to her ever again - she was going to stay with mother, be a good daughter and find warmth there. As long as she was obedient, all would be good. And it was all she needed, really - she needed no Talonpaw who would harm her, no Silver who would leave her, no Pebblestep who would surely break a promise, just like everyone else had.

And so Yewkit watched Pebblestep tend to the garden - it was his punishment after all. Yewkit knew all about punishments, she had not always been obedient, had not always been the perfect daughter Ivorystorm needed her to be, and had learned through them. Punishments like that were necessary, to teach her a lesson she was sure to remember, and Yewkit was glad for them. But she also knew how lonely they were - perhaps that was part of it, perhaps it was necessary, but it was the hardest part of them to have to endure.

She wasn't going to let Pebblestep close, but she could sit with him, give him company while he endured his own punishment. Sitting with him wouldn't hurt and perhaps the tom would be glad for it. Perhaps by being with him, she could lower the chances of him lashing out at her, were she to accidentally mess up in the future. In a way, she was doing this more for herself than him, but in the moment, she did not care for being selfish.

OOC: @Pebblestep ​

 

[Pebblestep]

Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We're all gonna die

.

It was a damn miracle, really, that despite the flood the memorial garden still stood. Pebblestep almost wished it hadn't. The stones remained where they had been placed, the earth still cradling names that would never speak again. He sat among them with his shoulders drawn tight, staring at the garden he had been ordered to tend for the coming moons. A chore carved from loss. A future measured in decay. A reminder that the dead stayed dead. It didn't matter how fiercely you loved them. It didn't matter how long you searched, how loudly you called their names into the wind until your throat bled. They did not come back. They never did. And one day, everyone he knew would lie here too.

Dustystar. Nutmegpurr. Gorsehowl. The thought of his sister made something sharp twist in his chest. It wouldn't matter how strong she was, how fast, how brave. Strength rotted. Courage failed. Death found everyone in the end. Meadowpaw. Yewkit. The earth would take them all. Slowly or violently, it made no difference. In the end, they would all be pressed into the same ground, reduced to memories carried by cats who would themselves be forgotten. The Clan would go on, yes, but the ones who mattered would vanish, one by one, until there was nothing left of him but a space where he used to stand.

His breath hitched. Faces flickered behind his eyes. Alder's warmth. Icepaw's silence. Gorsehowl's laughter, imagined already gone. He recoiled, shifting backward as if the stones might reach for him next, ears flattening hard against his skull while his body folded inward. Why bother loving anyone at all if this was how it ended? Everybody was going to leave. Everybody was going to die. And he would be expected to stand here and tend the proof of it. He forced himself to breathe, slow and shallow, as if breathing too deeply might invite the truth further inside him. In through his nose. Out again. Just enough to keep himself from breaking apart.

Then his ears twitched. He turned his head, sea-green eyes settling on the small shape nearby. Yewkit. Alive. Breathing. Temporary. For a moment, he almost wished she hadn't come. Wished she hadn't tethered herself to this place, to him, to something that would only end in loss. " ... Hello... " he said quietly after a pause, lowering his head in a gesture that felt heavier than it should have. A ghost of a smile crossed his mouth and vanished just as quickly. " How... How are you doing? " His ear flicked, restless.

" Can I help? " he asked, though a darker thought lingered beneath the words, unspoken and cruel: What good would it do?

Speech, thoughts/emphasis

15 MOONS

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[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

.

Light paws led her to the garden, silently, slowly, so as to not disturb anything nor anyone. Just a shade of a kitten, too small and quiet for anyone to be bothered by. That's the way she made it so, that's the way she liked it. That's the way mother liked it.

Yewkit sat down, not far from Pebblestep, but not too close, never too close. She was not letting herself sit too close.

A moment passed as she sat quietly, watching him work - or at least try to work. The tom seemed to struggle internally and Yewkit had no way of knowing why, nor did she bother to find out. It was not her place to know, not her place to pry. Yet when his gaze turned towards her small form, she couldn't help but lower her ears as Pebblestep's eyes bore into her, searching for something. Yewkit's breah caught in her throat, she had nothing to give, she had nothing to give.

Before she could spiral into panic again, the silver tom spoke a greeting. Yewkit steadied herself, reminding herself that she was not here for closeness, just company. She didn't need to give anything, she didn't need to prove her place. Can I help? A simple question, yet it took Yewkit by surprise. It shouldn't have, for it only made sense the tom would ask her such, but Yewkit had not expected it anyway.

"No, I..." she looked down at her paws, suddenly feeling foolish once again. "I just thought you could use... the company." Foolish, foolish Yewkit. "I can leave though." she shuffled her paws, ready to stand up and leave.

Why did she think this was a good idea anyway? Why did she think he'd want to be in company, especially in company of someone like her?

 

[Pebblestep]

Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We're all gonna die

.

Pebblestep watched Yewkit for a long moment, sea-green eyes tracing the small, careful movements she made as if he were trying to understand something fragile and unfamiliar. Company. The word felt strange in his chest, like a sound spoken in the wrong season. She had come to sit with him. Not because she needed something. Not because she was told to. Just... Because he was here. The realization unsettled him. When she added that she could leave, could go if he wanted, something inside him recoiled hard and fast. The instinct was ugly and immediate. Everyone leaves. The garden whispered it. The stones confirmed it. His own history proved it true.

He hesitated, caught between the urge to push her away before she could disappear too and the aching want to not be alone for just a little while longer. " You can stay... " he said at last, dipping his head. His voice was quiet, careful, like the words might shatter if spoken too firmly. " I don't... Mind the company. " He stopped short of saying more, throat tightening. Saying I'm lonely felt like admitting a weakness that might hollow him out further. Loneliness had become a constant, a void that lived between his ribs, swallowing warmth, swallowing hope, swallowing names until even his own felt thin.

He turned his attention back to the garden, paw gently nudging soil back around a battered plant, claws dark with earth meant for the dead. His movements were slow, deliberate. If he stopped moving, he might start thinking again. " We could talk... " he offered after a moment, almost as an afterthought. " While I work. " he stopped for a moment, a hesitation before he glanced toward her. " ... If you want. " he added, because even now, even with a kit beside him, he didn't trust himself to believe anyone would choose to stay.

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12 MOONS

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[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

.

Yewkit had fully expected him to ask her to leave, to push her away, to lash out and yell at her. She had expected him to react just like Talonpaw had, baring his teeth at her, unsheathing his claws, feral saliva spitting in her face, blood-shot eyes glaring at her, pushing her away, for the alternative was hurting her. Yet Pebblestep did nothing of the sorts.

Instead, Yewkit was met with silence. Eyes watching her, watching her every movement. Waiting for her to mess up? Inviting her close just for the chance of tearing her apart when she finally lets down her guard, when she finally lets herself believe she's found a soul to connect with? Yewkit wouldn't let him. A part of her tugged at her heart to listen, but she ignored it, creating a distance between herself and Pebblestep that she would never dare to cross, always a gap between her and anyone who tried to get too close. Yewkit was done being toyed with.

The thin kitten would only be here, her presense noted only by Pebblestep if he wished for her to stay, but nothing more. No closeness, no comfort. Only one beating heart next to another.

"We could talk..." she repeated his words quietly, as confirmation, though she did not state her wants out loud - not even she knew what those were anymore. And then she spoke no more, not being the one to start the conversation, despite being invited to it. For she had nothing to say, nothing to give but her heart, and that she would not let him have.

Instead, she only watched his movements, mirroring what he had done moments before to her. But she did not wait for him to mess up, did not even care. All she was doing was keeping her eyes focused, her mind occupied as claws worked around the soil with intent, carefully so as to not disturb the plants. It reminded Yewkit of herself, but in a foreign way, as if watching herself from a distant, forgotten dream. She did not like that feeling, did not like the way her own heart beat faster at the things it would imply, the things it would mean.

Yewkit shut her eyes for a moment, chasing unwanted thoughts out, somewhere they would not follow her anymore. Somewhere they would not disturb her anymore.

Then, and only then, did she open her eyes again, placing them on Pebblestep's form. But this time, there was nothing in her heart but indifference, looking at a tom she barely knew and barely cared about. Just someone to give company to. Just someone to give her company. Nothing more.

Nothing more.