{$title} While dreaming, Talon realizes some things... Meanwhile, meadow watches in horror.
Are you proud of me?
Water choked him, his form wrapped around meadowpaw- his body bracing as she thrashed her body, and he threw his head back. Bubbles escaped his lungs- but no scream emitted. No warbles in the water could that would break the surface, and he wanted to. He wanted to scream into the sky for help-
The sky lit up in a violent display of lightning that danced across the clouds. His maw gasped for breath before dipping back under the water, the waves crashing over his head, sending him spiraling under the surface. Blue eyes wide, breath scrambling.
'You must learn to survive. On your own.' the voice was distant, drowned out from the pumping of his blood as lightning crashed over the small form who trembled at the edges of the water, paws barely touching the edge.
I'm scared.
'Scared? Child, showing fear is weakness. We can't afford to be weak. We don't have that luxury. You have a choice. Sink, or swim.' The voice echoed in his ears as he kicked off the bottom of the rushing river, feeling pain split through his body as his body crashed into the wall of the dens- sparing Meadowpaw the injuries that made it so much harder for him.
His paws frantically scrambled for the surface again, coughing up the water. 'I want to swim!' He screamed into the air. But he needed help. He wanted her help. She sat there on the shore, gaze cold- and talon desperately reached for her… only to be submerged again as water crashed down over him, spinning him under the surface before he could get a full breath of air. The den was full and Talon was losing grip, he was clinging to Meadowpaw like a lifeline. He understood, he understood that she couldn't let go, that she didn't want to let go.
He couldn't let go, so how could he blame her for not wanting to let go? While his survival screamed to escape to live - hers screamed to get the last thing she had of Gladeblooms. Of her mentors. Of her friends. Of someone she cared about deeply. If talon had been able to hold something of his mother's, would he have been able to let it go? He wasn't sure- the only thing he had to grip on was his reality…. On the fact that he could say-
But I survived.
Each trial she put him through, each life lesson- it was all for one thing. That one day he would be alone, only with himself. He felt something grab his scruff, his body being dragged from the river and his last trickle of thoughts, of breath turning back into life as he gasped up water and air. His chest tight, but it was ignored as he gripped into the mud at the shore, heaving. She may have pulled him free, but it wasn't the first trial. Nor would it be the last- for it was just not swimming. It was climbing it was fishing, it was hunting until he could do it right.
Isn't that what you wanted?
It had to be. But she was taken too soon, his head moving through the bushes as he tilted his head. He didn't remember meadowpaw being here… but he shook it, turning at an unfortunate time, his blue eyes widening in fear as the rogues tore into her throat. Paws gripped his muzzle, tears threatening to spill- but he knew better. He couldn't make a sound. A choked sob, an inhale of a gasp, and he pressed his young form deeper into the bush, shaking his head and gritting his teeth. And when they left, he'd approached cautiously, paws trembling as he nosed her shoulder. 'run, child. run… you will survive. You must.'
Do you even miss me?
And he would run. His tiny form would barrel through the pines. His body would grow, but his mind wouldn't forget. Every step, lessons echoed in his ears. 'mam- mother, why do we walk so much?' and her answer was obvious. It burned into his ears. Being stagnant meant inevitable death. Succumbing to join a group meant you are inviting yourself to be betrayed. Do you want to die? Then listen, listen to me and never stop.
You said caring made us weak….
But I'm strong mother.
I'm strong for you mother.
Talon pulled himself and Meadowpaw to the surface finally, pulling both of their form from the water as the edges of his vision had begun to fade and his legs became weaker. But he didn't feel so weak as she made it seem. Sure .. he was tired, but he was relieved. They had made it, they would persevere, and no one would've been able to stop him because the truth was very simple….
I'm what you couldn't be.
Talon stared blankly at the ground, waterlogged, form fighting every ounce of weight to shiver against the cold. His teeth grit together, feeling the urge to chatter, but even refusing that. His blue gaze lifted, and he froze. Meadowpaw stared, but her gaze was glazed. A look of horror passed over her eyes, and his gaze dropped, head lowering in shame as his eyes burned. He'd thought he'd done everything right. "I thought… I could save y' from yerself," he said softly, his voice hoarse, broken. He remembered vaguely pressed his pelt against hers in a form of comfort as they walked, but now, she just stared at him. He remembered Yewkit underneath his arm, forcing warmth through her cold body as they slept in the corn fields. Yet. Here they were. "I can't even save myself from me, but. I want t' save y'. Isn't that… isn't that crazy meadowpaw?" His paw pressed into his forehead, before dropping down carefully.
He didn't want to accept it. He didn't want to accept this. "I do care. I do care, too much, I'm jus' scared, meadowpaw." His form pressed forward to the shellshocked femme, hesitating whiskers from her, before pressing a wettened cheek to the side of her face before resting his chin on her shoulder as he shook. "She didn't love me, did she?" He said through a quivering voice. She didn't speak, but he didn't blame her. How could she understand? He knew she couldn't. He knew he'd never actually tell her. She was protecting herself, and talon knew that too well, for he only ever did try to protect himself. Until today. Maybe… meadowpaw understand the same thing his mother did- that….
"Maybe loving me was just too hard."
—
Talon woke with a startle, his form pressed against Meadowpaw's, his arm curled around Yewkit as he remembered. It was just a dream… it was a dream, yet his throat burned as if he had been drowning all over again. His chest was tight, and he desperately gasped for breath, fighting the inability to breathe, the shaking of his body. He couldn't… he couldn't wake them, that would be silly. So he drew in a sharp breath, and held it as he pressed his body deeper against Meadowpaw's and curled Yewkit closer. Because maybe loving him was too hard, maybe the idea of caring was scary- but right now, these two needed him. Meadowpaw hadn't been herself since they got to this camp, and Yewkit was desperately scared. His fear would not matter, not right now- it couldn't.
Right now, the last thing he wanted to think about was surviving. The only thing he wanted to think about was getting Yewkit, Meadowpaw, and Morningpaw to feel safe again. Reunite the child with her mother, and get Meadowpaw to be able to breathe. Yewkit had already ran once, hid away from the world in a sputtering desperate breath, and Talon felt at fault for it. If talon had ensured Yewkit had made it to plague, then Yewkit wouldn't be so panicked. But if he hadn't gotten to Meadow in time…. It was all a conflict. A conflicted struggle that his mother warned him about. Caring was weakness but only because it involved putting others before yourself. And talon was fine with that.
He'd do anything to prove that. So, he would. Even if it meant breaking his comfort zones. His blue eye closed again, and he finally released his shaky breath, shuddering softly as the chill ran
up his spine.
Everything would be just fine.
Water choked him, his form wrapped around meadowpaw- his body bracing as she thrashed her body, and he threw his head back. Bubbles escaped his lungs- but no scream emitted. No warbles in the water could that would break the surface, and he wanted to. He wanted to scream into the sky for help-
The sky lit up in a violent display of lightning that danced across the clouds. His maw gasped for breath before dipping back under the water, the waves crashing over his head, sending him spiraling under the surface. Blue eyes wide, breath scrambling.
'You must learn to survive. On your own.' the voice was distant, drowned out from the pumping of his blood as lightning crashed over the small form who trembled at the edges of the water, paws barely touching the edge.
I'm scared.
'Scared? Child, showing fear is weakness. We can't afford to be weak. We don't have that luxury. You have a choice. Sink, or swim.' The voice echoed in his ears as he kicked off the bottom of the rushing river, feeling pain split through his body as his body crashed into the wall of the dens- sparing Meadowpaw the injuries that made it so much harder for him.
His paws frantically scrambled for the surface again, coughing up the water. 'I want to swim!' He screamed into the air. But he needed help. He wanted her help. She sat there on the shore, gaze cold- and talon desperately reached for her… only to be submerged again as water crashed down over him, spinning him under the surface before he could get a full breath of air. The den was full and Talon was losing grip, he was clinging to Meadowpaw like a lifeline. He understood, he understood that she couldn't let go, that she didn't want to let go.
He couldn't let go, so how could he blame her for not wanting to let go? While his survival screamed to escape to live - hers screamed to get the last thing she had of Gladeblooms. Of her mentors. Of her friends. Of someone she cared about deeply. If talon had been able to hold something of his mother's, would he have been able to let it go? He wasn't sure- the only thing he had to grip on was his reality…. On the fact that he could say-
But I survived.
Each trial she put him through, each life lesson- it was all for one thing. That one day he would be alone, only with himself. He felt something grab his scruff, his body being dragged from the river and his last trickle of thoughts, of breath turning back into life as he gasped up water and air. His chest tight, but it was ignored as he gripped into the mud at the shore, heaving. She may have pulled him free, but it wasn't the first trial. Nor would it be the last- for it was just not swimming. It was climbing it was fishing, it was hunting until he could do it right.
Isn't that what you wanted?
It had to be. But she was taken too soon, his head moving through the bushes as he tilted his head. He didn't remember meadowpaw being here… but he shook it, turning at an unfortunate time, his blue eyes widening in fear as the rogues tore into her throat. Paws gripped his muzzle, tears threatening to spill- but he knew better. He couldn't make a sound. A choked sob, an inhale of a gasp, and he pressed his young form deeper into the bush, shaking his head and gritting his teeth. And when they left, he'd approached cautiously, paws trembling as he nosed her shoulder. 'run, child. run… you will survive. You must.'
Do you even miss me?
And he would run. His tiny form would barrel through the pines. His body would grow, but his mind wouldn't forget. Every step, lessons echoed in his ears. 'mam- mother, why do we walk so much?' and her answer was obvious. It burned into his ears. Being stagnant meant inevitable death. Succumbing to join a group meant you are inviting yourself to be betrayed. Do you want to die? Then listen, listen to me and never stop.
You said caring made us weak….
But I'm strong mother.
I'm strong for you mother.
Talon pulled himself and Meadowpaw to the surface finally, pulling both of their form from the water as the edges of his vision had begun to fade and his legs became weaker. But he didn't feel so weak as she made it seem. Sure .. he was tired, but he was relieved. They had made it, they would persevere, and no one would've been able to stop him because the truth was very simple….
I'm what you couldn't be.
Talon stared blankly at the ground, waterlogged, form fighting every ounce of weight to shiver against the cold. His teeth grit together, feeling the urge to chatter, but even refusing that. His blue gaze lifted, and he froze. Meadowpaw stared, but her gaze was glazed. A look of horror passed over her eyes, and his gaze dropped, head lowering in shame as his eyes burned. He'd thought he'd done everything right. "I thought… I could save y' from yerself," he said softly, his voice hoarse, broken. He remembered vaguely pressed his pelt against hers in a form of comfort as they walked, but now, she just stared at him. He remembered Yewkit underneath his arm, forcing warmth through her cold body as they slept in the corn fields. Yet. Here they were. "I can't even save myself from me, but. I want t' save y'. Isn't that… isn't that crazy meadowpaw?" His paw pressed into his forehead, before dropping down carefully.
He didn't want to accept it. He didn't want to accept this. "I do care. I do care, too much, I'm jus' scared, meadowpaw." His form pressed forward to the shellshocked femme, hesitating whiskers from her, before pressing a wettened cheek to the side of her face before resting his chin on her shoulder as he shook. "She didn't love me, did she?" He said through a quivering voice. She didn't speak, but he didn't blame her. How could she understand? He knew she couldn't. He knew he'd never actually tell her. She was protecting herself, and talon knew that too well, for he only ever did try to protect himself. Until today. Maybe… meadowpaw understand the same thing his mother did- that….
"Maybe loving me was just too hard."
—
Talon woke with a startle, his form pressed against Meadowpaw's, his arm curled around Yewkit as he remembered. It was just a dream… it was a dream, yet his throat burned as if he had been drowning all over again. His chest was tight, and he desperately gasped for breath, fighting the inability to breathe, the shaking of his body. He couldn't… he couldn't wake them, that would be silly. So he drew in a sharp breath, and held it as he pressed his body deeper against Meadowpaw's and curled Yewkit closer. Because maybe loving him was too hard, maybe the idea of caring was scary- but right now, these two needed him. Meadowpaw hadn't been herself since they got to this camp, and Yewkit was desperately scared. His fear would not matter, not right now- it couldn't.
Right now, the last thing he wanted to think about was surviving. The only thing he wanted to think about was getting Yewkit, Meadowpaw, and Morningpaw to feel safe again. Reunite the child with her mother, and get Meadowpaw to be able to breathe. Yewkit had already ran once, hid away from the world in a sputtering desperate breath, and Talon felt at fault for it. If talon had ensured Yewkit had made it to plague, then Yewkit wouldn't be so panicked. But if he hadn't gotten to Meadow in time…. It was all a conflict. A conflicted struggle that his mother warned him about. Caring was weakness but only because it involved putting others before yourself. And talon was fine with that.
He'd do anything to prove that. So, he would. Even if it meant breaking his comfort zones. His blue eye closed again, and he finally released his shaky breath, shuddering softly as the chill ran
up his spine.
Everything would be just fine.
-
-
Talon he/him, windclan 8 moons old.
black tabby with dark greyish brown undercoat and white underbelly. white crest on chest, and scars lining left side of face, blinding his right eye. icey blue eyes and white that is slowly starting to streak his features. Back scars non-existent for now.
mentored by Merrystalk // mentoring none
littermate to none
NPC x NPC / father/mother to none / mated to none
"speech" // "thoughts"
penned by Deidre ↛ deidre on discord, feel free to dm for plots. Art by PurpleCandyCorn.