Territory WindClan Wild horses couldn't drag me away 🌾 Maremane

[Merrystalk Merrystalk]

—————————————— Dreaming along in a pace you'll understand. ✦

The weight of the last couple moons had weighed heavily on Merrystalk, his conversation with Harefoot made it all the more obvious. But he felt... Lighter somehow. His mate had that effect on him. For once, he didn't feel bogged down.

But despite that, he still felt restless. The aftermath of his argument with Sassafraschill had affected the clan, too. The disappointment looks weighted on him even days after his and Harefoot's conversation now. Maybe... Maybe he might be able to resolve some of it. All his anger and frustration were long dead, and there was still exhaustion clinging to his mind from how upset he got. So whoever he talked to surely wouldn't be able to rile him up.

Merry paced the camp, and then the outskirts, and then further out into the moors. At some point, an idea had formed, if he was to start anywhere with resolving issues of the past, one cat came to mind. Maybe he was aiming too high, the distaine between the two of them had outlived the barn itself, but it was worth a shot. An olive branch.

Which is just as he saw the ever distinctive sight of... An old something to him. Merry never could quite tell what they were; it never felt like how he and Harefoot did, but she meant something to Merry. And that was what was important to him. "Maremane?" He called out to her, she often wandered out of camp and he knew as much, it was how he could find her so easily. "I- How 're ya'?" There was no vitriol in his voice, something she was probably used to from him, but he wanted to change that.

He wasn't quite sure what he came here to do, what he wanted from the conversation, maybe something as simple as civility. He didn't expect them to become friends anytime soon, but he wanted to leave the past to rest.

— And it's harder than you think,

Telling dreams from one another. —

• 
  Merrystalk
  ✦—Windclan moor-runner | 27 Moons
  ✦—He/Him
  ✦—"SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  ✦—A skinny, tortoiseshell cat with bright green eyes and pelt speckled with hay.
  #9D6E46

 

[MAREMANE]

When was the last time she had spoken to Merry like this?

When was the last time she had spoken to Merry at all?

Avoidance was written into her code, wired deep into her marrow. Where Merry seemed to speak out, to confront, Maremane retreated within herself, loathing, resenting. He was everything out, she was everything in. The pressure around her facade was rounding it, threatening to explode.

The hair on her neck visibly prickled at the voice, her body acknowledging the identity of it before her mind could. Her head snapped to him, eyes wide with… something. Emotions she could barely pinpoint, debris in the tornado.

"I'm... okay?" she replied, instinctual. It was the small talk code, a response that was less truth than a proof she was alive. And for all the things that had happened to WindClan, their coldness withstanding the fire, maybe okay was just being alive.

Maremane watched Merrystalk for a long, drawn out breath. She was hunting for something in his voice, her stare interrogatory. Had he come to enact the same fury that he had spat at Sassafras? All she could find was something old, exhausted. Her chest was still alight with the expectation of a fight, but she felt her lungs loosen their snake-grip. Maremane's brows raised, surprise notching them higher.

"Actually…" the molly breathed out, awkward and low. "I don't really know." A dry, humorless laugh escaped her It was usually mocking, especially with Merrystalk in front of her, but she found only the same tiredness on her tongue. "It's been a hell of a season, ain't it?"

 

[Merrystalk Merrystalk]

—————————————— Dreaming along in a pace you'll understand. ✦

The tom laughed dryly, letting his shoulders droop a little as he sat not far from the other. "Think that's 'n understatement." He was surprised to see her just as exhausted, it made sense though. They may not have ended on the best foot, but it wasn't like he didn't know her. They both liked to put on faces to feel more put together when everything seemed to be falling apart, really it's a huge reason that tore them apart. So seeing her let that down, if just for a moment, felt like an opportunity to settle things.

"Listen I-" He clicked his tongue, taking a moment to think before speaking. "I guess I wanted t' apologise." The words hung in the air, palpable like the air of tension the two always seemed to bring when around the other, but this time it didn't seem to cling to his pelt. Something had changed; in Merry, at least, it had.

"I know I ain't perfect, I ain't even good on the worst kinds 've days." Merry murmured, shame from the argument burning in his chest again, the vitriol from not just Mare but so many other cats too, seeing him act such a way. "But I ain't no coward neither, 'nd it's why I wanted to see if we could... Try 'nd be civil?" He shrugged, like it was an absent thought or suggestion rather than what it was, an offer.

"The last moons 've been down right hell, 'nd made me realise there ain't no good in lettin' shit fester." He admitted, looking to Maremane, not with the rage he often did but an exhaustion he had also been trying to hide. "I- I'm done actin' like some petulant kitten the moment shit goes south, I should never 've let Sass get under my skin 'nd 'm tryin' to fix what else I fucked up."

He let out a breath through his nose, another dry laugh. "We were both fools, said dumb shit 'nd did dumber stuff." It was bold to say as much, but he knew Maremane wasn't stupid and knew both had contributed negatively to the other back when they used to be close. "Ya' ain't got agree- Ya' ain't even gotta treat me like we're buddy-buddy, hell I don't expect ya' to, just... Maybe a clean slate. One less thing to feel like ya gotta deal with, cause I ain't holdin' any've it against yer anymore."

It was like a weight off his chest, he knew he had been rambling cause Starclan knows Merry doesn't know when to stop talking, but finally having that off his chest and that offer out to Maremane? It was one step closer to feeling less like he was fucking everything up more than he had, because at least he knew he tried.

— And it's harder than you think,

Telling dreams from one another. —

• 
  Merrystalk
  ✦—Windclan moor-runner | 27 Moons
  ✦—He/Him
  ✦—"SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  ✦—A skinny, tortoiseshell cat with bright green eyes and pelt speckled with hay.
  #9D6E46

 

[MAREMANE]

fart

​

The difference in the air tumbled like a thundercloud. She blinked, an expression across her face like she had been slapped at the sound of apologize. Their stubbornness had barred that word as if saying it aloud would make them explode.

Was there a reason to be like that anymore?

Maremane fought as easy as breathing. To snap, to sneer, to freeze a wall between herself and the world was her default. Merrystalk was less of an antagonist in her life than someone caught in the crossfire she had with the mirror.

She leaned away, watching him intently. Waiting to see if it was a joke. "Merrystalk..." she whispered, something breaking in her voice. He didn't crack a smile, nobody came running out laughing. Her paws became interesting, but she found she couldn't shut up. "I ... can't." She couldn't keep doing this. Not when the horizon called to her like a siren. Not when she was haunted by way more ghosts than their idiotic idea of love once long ago.

"Since the barn, everything's been... so much bigger than us." The world had expanded at breakneck speed. New land yawned before them like a void. Cats watched them from the edges of the prairie.

Her pupils wobbled in her eyes, and she swallowed. "I'm ... Fuck, I'm sorry too." Maremane meant it more than any words she'd uttered in her life. She would've felt less guilty about smacking him than the stupid stuff she had said and did to him.

"We got so much stuff to attend to now, it feels like living in the barn was so much easier. Now we got other Clans and shit to worry about."

Maremane's lungs froze on their inhales, her breath coming in stutters. Some part of her screamed at her to stop, to tell him it was alright and leave like she always did. "We could actually die out here. We have to survive now, and..." She met Merrystalk's sight again, and shook the rest of the sentence to the ground.

"I don't want this to be another thing we have to handle. I want us to be able to patrol together like normal cats." The silence and avoidance that punctuated their assignments was threatening to break, anyways. She found her usual, abnormal desire to argue and enrage wasn't there with Merrystalk. It had been drained moons ago.

"I'll be frank, I don't know if I can just act like nothing happened and just start over. But I'll try if you do. I want to focus on now, and that's hard if we keep doing... this." Maremane had her reactions to the tortoiseshell hardwired, welded to her like shackles. She didn't know how long it would take for her to meet Merrystalk with amicability. But he hadn't requested that, anyways. He wasn't asking her to be friends. Just neutral.

If she couldn't handle that, then she might as well follow her dying dream and leave.