⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ Jaypaw ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☽⋆⁺₊⋆- 
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With the memory of the barnfire returning, Jaypaw had opened an entire floodgate. Not just of that fateful night, but everything before, everything the apprentice had suppressed. Everything his mind chose to forget. But he never truly forgot, did he? The memories were just tucked away, stored outside his grasp, but always there. Always a reminder of the acrid smell of smoke and the burning in his lungs.But now he could live in bliss no more. He had remembered and now there was no way of forgetting anymore, no matter how much he wished to return to that ignorance, to that world of knowing, yet not knowing. Now he had to face the memories. Of his momma, of his friends, of the fire, of her.
Bluebird.
Bluebirdkit...? She had... she had been alive long enough to accept the change, hadn't she? To learn of StarClan and their wishes. Does that mean you're with them now... sister? Jaypaw thought, eyes turned towards the stars. But the stars did not answer him, or could not. He was not special, not blessed to walk among the stars unscathed, not before it was his time to depart this world. All he could do was hope she was up there.
"Do you remember, Bluebird?" he whispered to the dark, knowing she could not hear him. Or if she could, then would not answer him at least. "Do you remember how we used to chase Merry's tail across the barn's floor?"
He couldn't help but laugh at the memory, of how his paws slid across the floor instead of landing gracefully, like he had planned to.
Maybe not all of the memories had to hurt, Jaypaw realised. Maybe some of them he could cherish, now that he had them once again. Like Bluebird.
Little Jay pounced around the creaky floor with paws tiny enough to fit through the cracks. "Race you to the door and back. Bet I'm faster than you!" he challenged his sister, like the siblings often challenged each other.
"Not fair!" she cried after him when he ran before she could even say yes. "Your legs are longer!"
Little Jay didn't care he had an advantage over Bluebird, he just wanted to win, to prove he was better. To show Cuckoo he was ready to go outside now, ready to explore with the big cats.
"Next time I'll challenge you to fight me!" Bluebird argued after she finally caught up to him. "You never win a fight!" And she was right, Bluebird was always stronger than Jay, his legs too disproportionate to fight properly. He was build for running while she was built for fighting.
The memory faded just as quickly as it had come. But with it came another one, one almost similar, were it not for the heat rising up around Little Jay.
"C..come on Bluebird. Race you to the door." he rasped through heavy lungs. Cuckoo was calling for them to get to her and Jay followed, his sister right behind him. His sister right behind him.
He could feel teeth close around his scruff as he was lifted off the ground, flames licking the world around him, heat enveloping him. He coughed and coughed, but at least he was safe. And in a moment, he was outside, gasping for air, when his head whipped around again, only to see his mama running back into the fire. "Bluebird...?" the kitten whispered. She was just behind him, wasn't she?
But Jay was always better at his feet than Bluebird. He was built for running while she was built for fighting.
Before he could cry for his mama and sister to come back, his world had turned dark.
Jaypaw couldn't stop the tears pouring out of his eyes now. Always him who lived, always those he cared about getting hurt in his stead. Now he knew it had always been so.
Jaykit had gotten his new name now. He quite liked it, it made him feel like a completely new cat. He was a completely new cat.
He pushed the smoke and the fire and the pain out of his mind, he was Jaykit now, he was strong and happy and with new goals to follow.
The bundle of scorched fur resting nearby was none of his concerns. Bluebirdkit was none of his concern. The small scorched pelt was not his sister. He did not remember a sister. He did not have a sister.
Whoever that was, it was no one he could remember. Whoever that was, they were going to die soon, with no one to save them from their injuries. It was only him and his mama now, it had always been him and mama. And there was nothing wrong going on, only Jaykit and Cuckoocry, always together, never apart.
OOC: Bluebirdkit's name subject to change depending on if its approved as legal or not! Will edit accordingly once it's approved or rejected!
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