{$title} tw: reflection on parental death, blood, and grief surrounding the topic!
That's how he's been waking up lately. It's only been... it's only been so many days. But his stomach churns and he thinks time is dragging out longer just to toy with him. He doesn't touch his siblings if he can help it, forcing his large body to the corner of the nest. As far as possible. He couldn't bear touch right now. He thinks the way that his stomach feels, he's actually lose it. But it's the middle of the night again and his eyes crack open- only one having progressively gotten more yellow, the other remaining the kitten blue. Cougarkit doesn't know that, though, he hasn't been able to look in a puddle since it was mentioned to him.
Right, the middle of the night. Cougarkit pushes to his paws, wobbles out into camp. Surely there were cats awake. There were always cats awake. It wasn't like Cougarkit could just escape camp either. He swallows lightly, vision turning across the moon-soaked camp to where his body was. Coalstrike. His father, or one of them, anyways. Cougarkit's paws slowly take him across camp. This is one of the rare times where he isn't hunched down, his full size towering for his age. Large paws press against mudded ground, and he draws to a stop in front of the spot that barely smells like his blood anymore.
It eases his stomach, the way it was churning. To know that he had been real. That Coalstrike had lived and breathed, died like a warrior. To know that his father wasn't some stupid coward that was eaten by a monster. No, it was Thunderclan's fault, right? That... That Copper whoever. He thinks to turn and march into the warrior's den to demand Wolfpack's explanation on all of that, because he doesn't think that Jadethorn would tell him. Maybe Fleafire would. He doubts it. Doubt starts to cling to the idea, and it's quickly scrapped. Instead, he slowly moves to sit, breathing quietly with all of the quiet nervousness of a kit out of bed past curfew. That was catching up to him, at least, but he was sure at least one face would try to convince him to go back to sleep.
Cougarkit couldn't bear the idea right now. He hopes that no one bothers him, but he knows that's stupid to ask of them, too. Mismatched eyes stare at the bloodstained mud, where the color has dulled further and further with each days. He remembers the words his father spoke. They weren't spat out, like orders or commands, but rather true instructions. To grow strong. To be better then the rest. To become somecat he could be proud of. Could Cougarkit really do that? Was he able to accomplish that? His siblings had seemed so sure of themselves when he had said it right then and there. But the way his father's eyes looked- devoid of emotion. The light flickering out and dying, as if it was the last of a torch being passed to them... he's not sure he can keep the flame alive.
He swallows again, saliva in his mouth. His stomach hurt to think about that look, devoid of anything, moments before Coalstrike turned his head and bared his neck to his other father. Cougarkit couldn't think about that. He tears his eyes away from where he had been staring at that spot, right into the very close gaze of whoever had been calling his name for probably a whole minute now.
-
"speech"
// feel free to be whoever was trying to get his attention!
-
-
COUGARKIThe/him, shadowclan kit, two moons.
➤ a lh lilac rosette/chocolate chimera with low white and mismatched blue and yellow eyes. extremely large, with big paws and long legs and a broad build. tries to hide himself by hunching down
➤ mentored by who / mentoring no one
➤ coalstrike xx jadethorn (xx wolfpack) | brother to obsidiankit, amberkit, silentkit, silverkit, and ghostkit
➤ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
➤ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
