Camp WindClan closed my heart up like a locket ✿ — peafowl

[Meadowpaw]

Sitting in the dark waiting on the stars
Thinking through all the places that you've been

.

The days had begun to blur together. Meadowpaw didn't count them anymore—not since the fire. Not since everything changed. So much was different now that she could hardly follow it anymore, never mind the new wind that Dusty… Dustystar brought with her.

She lay curled in the patchy grass, a bed of green grass tucked beneath her side, shielding her mangled leg from view. The sun was out—soft and golden—but its warmth barely reached her. Its touch felt dull against her pelt no matter how long she soaked it in. Her gaze was distant, locked on the fields as they swayed under the gentle breeze of newleaf, dancing with wildflowers she would've once rushed to pick, colors she would've once been mesmerized by. Now, she barely stirred except to eat prey that tasted bland and to help with what little she could.

The wind brushed past her whiskers, tugged at her fur like it wanted her to follow, but she didn't move, or rather couldn't. Her once sprightly frame was thinner now, mottled pelt still dappled with patchy fur, and her hind leg—wrapped in a careful binding of cobweb and herbs—stiff and scarred. Sometimes it felt like it was still there, the weight of it, the sensation as if it could be moved.

The tortie didn't even notice the pawsteps until they were close. Her ears gave a flick as she turned to see who it was. "Oh… Hey there sweetpea." She immediately gathered a bright smile for him.

She blinked softly, mustering a warm, unbothered tone. No matter how she felt, Meadow wouldn't burden those around her more than she already did. They were busy enough with their new duties without having to fuss over her.

Pea was still littler than she was, but not for much longer, she imagined. Meggie cared for him and so she'd come to think of him as something of the sibling she never had. A little brother that she could love and adore just like her sister always did for her. "Did you come lookin' for me?"


Speech, thoughts/emphasis

8 MOONS

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WINDCLAN

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SONG

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bio

 

[Peafowlpaw]

Peafowl left as much space as he could between himself and Meadow's care. He knew it was best that she and those immediately around her focused on a singular, frustrating and daunting task: recovery. Though her injury was thankfully well on the way, her glowing optimism seemed to have been lost to the fire. It devoured her warmth, taking it for itself. He picked up on it quickly, anxiously waiting for her to bounce back or to simply move on as they all slowly but surely were, albeit by reluctant necessity.

And yet, as much as the future wanted for him and them, it seemed to forget about Meadow; it's push just barely grazing the fur of her spine, leaving her there to stay: colorless and inert. Why Meadow, of all cats? What did she ever do to deserve this?

He thought a lot about how much he cried and yowled for her since she was rescued from the barn, hardly recognizable under all the soot. How powerless he was and how much of a nuisance he thought himself to be due to the reality of his age at their darkest hour. How Nutmeg, burdened as she was, still did her best to pacify him. He wanted to offer so much. To protect so much more. Yet he was so, so small and inexperienced.

Peafowl couldn't standby and watch anymore, couldn't let her lay there as the world happened around her. She missed so much. She missed him sprouting up like a plant– an awkwardly tall, dangly young tom he was shaping into. His growth spurt was sudden and his fur was only now catching up; covering him in tufts of fluff that would act as markers for where he would inevitably puff up most. Eventually. Hopefully soon. He couldn't tame it no matter how long he groomed, but he did his best before setting out.

Tracking down Meadow wasn't difficult, but oh, how he wished it were– he impatiently waited for the day he'd have to ask where she wobbled off to when he wasn't looking: fearless and unstoppable, despite the odds. Today wasn't that day.
"I'm always lookin' for you, Meadow, you know that." He mewed, returning the best smile he could.

He always looked out for her. For them. Many a night did Peafowl wake up in a panic, checking for his sisters. Certainly, many a night some combination of them locked frantic eyes straight out of a dead sleep, as if sharing the nightmare.

Peafowl greeted Meadow plenty. Near daily, if he wasn't occupied, but he never… just sat down and coddled her since the fire. Scared that he might hurt her or set back her healing somehow, but no more.
The tom circled her once, padding down the grass before wrapping himself around her front- offering his tail as a cushion and using her shoulders as his own to rest his head. He settled in with a heavy sigh. Peafowl wouldn't put up a facade and he wouldn't expect Meadow to either.
Life sucked. It was hard. That's okay.
"How're you holdin' up? Have you gotten any walkin' in?" She got over here somehow, but he wanted the details. Wanted to hear that she came over here because she wanted to. Wanted Meadow to muse about hearing a mouse or something. He searched for signs of life.

on my mind and ∅ with me all the time

• "speech" thoughts
  

• 

• peafowl he/him, windclan, six moons, 10.13.24
  ∅ long haired blue smoke chimera with bright amber yellow eyes
  comically large, fluffy ears and a long tail with black striped markings
  maine coon genetics
  always smiling. ever optimistic
  ∅ mentored by x
  ∅ open to all bonds
  ∅ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted
  ∅ penned by idola / / tag @.idola appreciated
  

 

[Meadowpaw]

Sitting in the dark waiting on the stars
Thinking through all the places that you've been

.

The distance between them hadn't gone unnoticed—at least not by her. She'd felt it for a while now, but she'd told herself he was just adjusting to his new role. He was an apprentice—a role she was supposed to share with him, eventually. If that was still even possible anymore.

Nutmeg visited when she could. And Meadow tried to convince herself that was enough. That she didn't have the right to feel lonely or sad, not when her sister was no doubt carrying the weight of the world so they didn't have to. But it wasn't easy. Not when the world she'd known had been ripped out from under her.

But she tried her best to be brave, to be okay, especially for her sister. Nutmeg was her anchor, holding her steady. And without her, Meadow knew she would've gone away some time ago.

She blinked softly as Pea settled beside her, heavy-lidded, a crackly purr rumbling from her throat. He wasn't the same kit who had bumped into her all those moons ago. He'd grown up like a weed. He changed in more ways than she probably realized. But then again… maybe they all had.

He sure was wilder lookin' now, bits of fluff going in any direction it pleased. She took the opportunity to try grooming him herself, setting her efforts on a stubborn tuft that stuck up at an odd angle. She tackled it with a few more determined swipes of her tongue but came out no more victorious than any who tried before her. Accepting her defeat, Meadow sighed and allowed her head to rest on him, tilting her cheek into the sunlight, its rays brushing across her face.

Hearing his question, her smile flickered—just a moment, the corners faltering before she lifted them again. "I'm doin' fine," Her burns had pretty much healed. She could move more now without getting tired. She was trying her best to stay motivated, even if it was still a struggle to find a reason to get up some days. Everyone else seemed happier too. Laughing again and working hard. Meadow was proud of them, happy to see them thriving. They were moving on quickly, adjusting to their new lives. That was good, wasn't it?

So why do I still feel so... stuck?

Her burns healed, but she couldn't say all her wounds had, nor did she know if they ever would. Not when the flames still danced in her dreams, as vibrant and hot as the real thing. Meadow felt their losses as strongly as the day it happened, and yet she couldn't shed a tear. It felt wrong to leave those they lost behind. To carry on as if they never existed at all. They didn't even get a burial.

"Mhm," She tacked on. "Been tryin' to, at least. Gotta do my part, don't I?" She busied herself with what she could—tending nests, checking on Owlbear's kits, helping Glade with whatever she could. Small things. Things no one noticed but still needed doing. While Meadowpaw couldn't hunt or fight, she could try to support them in other ways.

She stared ahead, watching a bee bounce from flower to flower, coating its fat little body in pollen. Peafowl had been through it, same as the rest of them. Meadow wanted to lift him and everyone else up, not bring them down.

"How's being an apprentice?" She peered over at him, trying to catch a glimpse of his face from the corner of her eye. "Did you catch anything today?"

Speech, thoughts/emphasis

8 MOONS

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WINDCLAN

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SONG

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bio

 

[Peafowlpaw]

Why he ever had any anxieties coming forward to hang out with Meadow was beyond him. She was always so kind, so loving. Peafowl worried often he was 'abandoning her' to go learn clan life, but he was only taking the same steps everyone else was. Besides, Meadow would always be there for him, and he'd get strong enough to always be there for her, too.
Peafowl's tail flicked at Meadow's attempt to tame his perpetual bad hair day, returning the gesture before settling in and simply enjoying a few moments of nothing but peace. Nothing to do, no reason to train or learn; it's just them and some nice weather. It really wasn't bad out here; there was so much space for them to grow and run and explore. Peafowl looked for the upsides as often as he could to keep himself grounded and progress oriented.
"You do plenty, I think. They all notice, I promise that." It was... hard to think Meadow wouldn't be able to live the same life he eventually would. She would have to walk her own path, alongside the rest of them, but she will find her own way. She will.

At the question of apprenticeship, his eyes drifted to the side sheepishly. "Ah, well, I wouldn't say I'm half bad at it. I wanted nothin' more than to go out with the others doin' hunts back at the barn, so I'm certainly givin' my all now. Lucille's hard-nosed, but she… treats me good...." He trails off on his thought. Not… not Lucille- Maremane? Yeah. Yeah, sounds right. This name thing they were doing now was going to take some effort to remember.
She lets him do what he wants, which in fact aligns perfectly with his eventual way of life, but she wouldn't let him do anything too risky. Having such an eager to learn student is it's own package of good and bad, and Peafowl liked to think he manages his limitations pretty well. He learns them pretty well, anyway.
"Well, I'm takin' it easy today, but I'm already huntin' good~" He smirks, stretching his legs out as the warmth of the sun begins to run its course. It was a beautiful day for a nap. "Nothin' crazy though. Mostly mice- or vole, I dunno the difference. And I can get a bird if I get a headstart … but man, squirrels… squirrels are fast, Meadow- and the way they can climb… wish I could do that." With a heavy sigh, his attention drifted up to the sky, rotating his cheek against the back of Meadow's sunwarmed neck. Still, he longed for…something. "I could hunt for you all you like too, you know? I wouldn't mind. I'll feed everyone I can. One less thing to worry about around here, we all sure could use that."
Everything was coming together out here; Peafowl acknowledged this, yet this clan life they assimilated into felt restricting. Stressfully so. Everyone is so busy scrambling to find their perfect mold, they forget to relax. Maybe it's some sort of kitten ignorance, but Peafowl could have sworn they spent so much more time simply appreciating life back on the farm. Now they scrambled to preserve it. Maybe everybody was scared of losing it again.

on my mind and ∅ with me all the time

• "speech" thoughts
  

• 

• peafowl he/him, windclan, six moons, 10.13.24
  ∅ long haired blue smoke chimera with bright amber yellow eyes
  comically large, fluffy ears and a long tail with black striped markings
  maine coon genetics
  always smiling. ever optimistic
  ∅ mentored by x
  ∅ open to all bonds
  ∅ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted
  ∅ penned by idola / / tag @.idola appreciated
  

 

[Meadowpaw]

Sitting in the dark waiting on the stars
Thinking through all the places that you've been

.

Peafowl's words brought a soft smile to Meadow's face. She hummed quietly in agreement, though doubt still tugged gently at the corners of her heart. Was she really doing everything she could? Sure, the things she did were probably noticeable, but were they enough? Were they as important as feeding bellies or keeping folks safe? Even Gladebloom had found a way to help that no one else could do, and Meadow couldn't help but want the same. She didn't want to just be someone everyone else had to care for. Even if she struggled or didn't have the same know-how, she wanted to give back in a bigger way.

But that was a thought for another time.

Her raw ears flicked as she listened, tilting her head to nestle her cheek into Pea's fur. It made her genuinely happy to know he was working hard, pushing forward despite everything they'd both been through. However, hearing him call Maremane "Lucille" showed that they both still had some growing pains to get through.

Hearing him talk about climbing left a bittersweet taste in her mouth. She used to be able to climb well enough to get feathers for Ashen. But Meaodw supposed that was something else she wouldn't be able to do anymore. "I used to climb a little," She added softly. "It's not too hard if you're careful. I could probably tell you how but don't seem like many trees around…"

I should be out there with him.

Learning beside him and helping him like any big sister should, just like Meggie. She was older, wasn't she? Meadow couldn't offer him much help at all, not when that path had been taken from her. Wasn't there some other way she could help him? Even if she couldn't go with him, maybe she could be there for him in some other way.

"I'd love to see what you catch," She purred, "If you want we can sit like this more often and even eat together." That was something she would've liked alot. She didn't want to push or say anything that would make him feel guilty. But she missed him. Missed hearing about his day or his discoveries, even if it was just a bug or something he did that day.

"But y'know," She added gently, "You don't gotta carry all that by yourself, and I'm not just talking about the hunting." Her eyes followed the wind sweeping across the fields as she spoke. "It's not just you and me an' Meggie anymore. We're all a family now, and that means we get to share in our worries too." The last thing she wanted was for him to think he had to do everything alone. No burden was too big to share. Meadow hoped he wouldn't get so caught up in training and doing stuff for them that he forgot to do what made him happy. Peafowl came back this time, but what if he got fed up with it all and stopped coming to see her altogether? "I can't help with much anymore, but if you need to rest or if something ticks you off and you just wanna complain... or anything really... I'll always have a space right here for you. That goes for Meggie too, I know she'd feel the same way I do." Mama had already left her... Meadow didn't know if she could handle losing Peafowl too.

Speech, thoughts/emphasis

8 MOONS

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WINDCLAN

⟢

SONG

⟢

bio