Private StarClan dragon in the new warm mountain, i believe in you // thornstar

[rowanpaw]

☼ Ever since learning about Starclan, Rowanpaw has been trying quite desperately to… to go there, to see it– she'd left the clearing at the four trees before the star speckled cats had come down, and there's a lingering thought, a small ember– that her littermates are up there, and her mother, her birth mother…

In an attempt to connect better with the stars, tonight, she'd dragged her nest to the mouth of the apprentice's den, so she could see the stars and the moon as she fell asleep. It seems… that perhaps it had finally worked, whether it be her stubbornness or the fact that she was sleeping in the cold beneath the stars– something had worked, anyway, because when she opens her eyes, she's not in the camp anymore, but lying in a wide field, not unlike the one she'd seen in her dream after she fell from the tree– although here everything was tinted in shades of blue, flowers twinkling like stars.

She gets up, stretching her legs, flexing her claws against the soft earth. She looks around, listens– it's quiet here. And where is here? Is this Starclan? It would be nice if it was. It seems like a good place to rest. She walks around for a while– whether it's minutes or hours, she's not sure.

Time seems strange here, soft and malleable, bending in on itself and stretching out… eventually she sees a shape shift into view, a familiar back, though somehow softer. Perhaps he isn't as malnourished, here. Perhaps here, he never runs out of prey. She's almost too scared to speak, like if she does, he'll disappear again. Slip out of her paws, like he had only hours after she'd become his daughter.

"Haw– Thornstar…?" She says softly, carefully. She hasn't said his name out loud since they dragged his body back into camp, broken and bloodied. She hadn't called him… not since that night. She could barely bring herself to think it. But if that's really him, if he's... and she misses her chance... "Father?"

creator, you destroy me

you know my hunger well.

• ooc: @Thornstar
• 

  
  

  rowanpaw, 9 moons, thunderclan apprentice
  russet furred she-cat, lawful neutral
  healing and soft powerplay allowed

 

[Thornstar]

"That you still deem me worthy of the honor of that name despite leaving you as I did, I have no words but I'm thankful for it." The tabby striped tom smiled, expression warm despite the chill his presence often accompanied, he steps forward, becoming more visible with each paw placed until he was cloaked in a wreath of the stars that made up his incorporeal form and could present himself before the apprentice properly. She's grown, not a lot, but enough its noticeable. When Serpentberry made the russet molly her apprentice he had not been sure how to feel but those mixed feelings faded the moment he realized it would let him be a little closer. Thornstar knows, deep down, that clinging to his old life did no one any service but his blood was still freshly spilled, it had only been several moons since and he struggled with letting go more than he realized he would.

"We have sensed your need to speak to us, I was more than happy to be the one to answer it." The stars, still burning but freshly sparked, struggled sometimes to know when they were being called upon; perhaps it was a combination of distance, perhaps it was not being used to the tug of mortal tethers once more, the ancient StarClanners especially didn't seem to feel the earth below as they once had, countless moons of being dormant and unremembered taking from them the feeling of life pulsing under paw. "What is it you seek, little tree?" He sits, curling nearby and if he were visible to any without the blistering lights and translucent pelt it could have been a father and daughter talking into the night. Thornstar wishes he had gotten the proper chance to be a parent, both for Rowanpaw and his kits but she at least had met him and he knew in knowing the heartbreak was all the harsher. It didn't matter what she wanted, he was just content to be here and he would be fine being trapped within StarClan for a period after to recuperate from the visit if it meant reconnecting with his kin. If it meant being there for them.

 

[rowanpaw]

☼ Worthy, she thinks, what does he mean? Of course she found him worthy– he had agreed, hadn't he, to adopt her and her brother? He had chosen to be her father, even if only for a moment… he becomes more solid, but somehow more ethereal as he steps closer to her. He speaks again, his voice warm, though the blueish glimmer around his maw gives away the cold of reality of death.

"Too many to count," she says, settling down beside him. She's afraid to touch him– afraid he'll fade away into the night once more if she does, like he's only a mirage. Although, perhaps he is. She's not sure. "I… I didn't get to see it, when the Starclan cats arrived that night after the battle. Maple took me away– after he'd… after he'd killed that cat, the one that tried to kill me, and…" she shivers once more at the memory, pressing her eyes shut. "It was all my fault, that cat died because of me," she mumbles, fighting off tears once more, tears she'd already shed when she told Serpentberry, tears that she knows won't stop coming if she lets it start. She shakes her head, swallowing roughly. "I believed, I did– but I wanted to see it for myself too, I wanted to know… if– if my mom, my birth mother… my litter mates… are they– are they here too…?"

creator, you destroy me

you know my hunger well.

• ooc: -
• 

  rowanpaw, 9 moons, thunderclan apprentice
  russet furred she-cat, lawful neutral
  healing and soft powerplay allowed