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But nonetheless, the queen would do what she had to. Including sacrificing time with her children, who surely understood (or so she hoped to starclan they did) to hunt on her own for food for the clan. It wasnt as if their father was any help. Merely sitting around, while she lacked the understanding of how he could. So many things did not make sense to the queen. So many things she could only hope to one day understand why he acted the way he did. He had kits! He had her…. Shouldn't… he be happy? But bringing a smile that she fell in love with to his maw was hard anymore. He seemed not amused with the way his children played and scampered about camp. He seemed more determined to take them away as the days grew colder. Her body lunged suddenly, calloused pads springing forward to slash down a mouse, but instead dove into rock. A painful wince as she narrowed her eyes towards the morsel that dove into a crack into the rocks. Her thoughts ever so distracting, it had seen her dive towards it. With her thoughts never ending and clearly causing distraction, the point found herself making a decision. - Her head held high, she stood before Crowsights yard. Her green gaze usually gentle, held a distance in them as she spotted the darker feline approaching from the doggy door. His tail held high, he moved closer, a greeting as hesitant as hers. "What's wrong?" He asked, steps careful and calculated as he approached, a narrow in his eyes. He expected with they she approached now, something was wrong. "The rats are becoming worse." She starts. This was harder than she thought. They were meant to leave soon, and she had thought she could easily decide. But it was so much harder in person. Imagining what the tom once was. The gentle smile that once graced his face, nearly forgotten as if it was a figment of her imagination. "Then come with me. You and the kits." His tone was direct, and she inhaled. She expected this but her head pulled back as if he had never suggested it. "You'll be safe. Fed. Warm." A scoff, her head turning slightly away from her. "With nothing to do. With dogs roaming around us as if we're to be there next meal. With no clan to feed and help, and abandoning my duties? Skyclan took me in- I won't be-" "You'll find every reason to not leave skyclan. It's simply blasphemous! You'll damn our kits to death out there, Flowercloud!" "Yell at me again, and I'll rip your tongue from your jaws." She seethed. The most vile thing that drew from her throat. But she was tired. So tired. And he was threatening the stakes of her kits lives. Was that not unjust? Was she unfair to break, after moons of begging for forgiveness? For him to lower his tone? For him to be like he used to? She drew in a painful breath, closing her eyes. As she exhaled, she imagined all the anger and pain leaving her. "Do you not think I am strong enough to care for my children?" she asks him, leveling her gaze with his smaller form. "Or that Skyclan cannot care for them?" "Your children? They're mine too! I have worked hard for them just the same as you! I come there and I care for them too!" "When it benefits you, crowsight. How often do you think you see them? They used to cry for you, wanting to see you. And eventually, they stopped." Oh how it hurt to see them look for the tom, to no avail at that. To see him grow more distant the older they got. It hurt her. It all hurt her. "They should've came here. Then they-" "Selfish![/glow]" Tears brimmed as she stomped her foot, an aching sensation pulling through her forearm. But she barely noticed compared to the pain in her heart. "You have always only thought of yourself since they've been born! They like Skyclan! They like being here! Does your families feelings mean nothing to you?" His gaze searched hers, tail lashing behind him. "Now who's raising their voice?" He comments with a scoff, turning his head away as if he won. And she wanted to smear his face in the mud, she wanted to snuffle the smugness out like a flame that blistered against her warm coloured pelt. "I'm done with you Crowsight. I'm tired. You've left me hurting for far too long. You're not who I fell in love with." She finally says. Pain was prominent and twisting her features but she fought them. And it left him with his jaw hanging open. But what else could she do. Forcing to not show a limp as she turned, she heard him start to say something. "The decision has been made. I hear rumour of Skyclan leaving soon to be free of the rats, if our Leader makes it, I am unsure. Sick as he is. But, I suggest you be civil and say goodbye to your children. Lie, as you always do. You will not be coming with. You will stay far from them. They do not deserve you." She left no more words to argue as she took a powerful leap to the top of the fence. Then up and over, landing with a slight whimper. But again, ignored. Because all she wanted now was to get away from here. Far away and never see him again. Whoever said heartbreak was a real feeling? She had heard of it. But this, now she could sympathize with the feeling of your heart shattering. If it being ripped and torn. What has only ever been described to her. ze with it. And stars, it hurt so badly. |
flowercloud ❀ 27 moons ❀ deputy ❀ she/her ❀ pinterest ❀ deidre
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