Camp RiverClan HEART TO HEART — ADDERFANG

[PIKESTAR]

The tension between Adderfang and Pikestar had gone on long enough. As much as he would rather bury whatever happened during the first meeting in the past and never look back, he knew that was impossible with Adderfang. That tom wanted to speak about it and that much was evident by the stares he'd gotten every day since then. And yes, Adderfang very much hung his head like Wavesong had told him. To be honest it was getting out of hand and awkward. Very awkward when the usually gruff tom spoke with uncertainty in regards to him. I hate to admit this, but I prefer it when he would just outright say his opinion, no matter how rude it could be. I mean, it's not nice being called a idiot or anything like that, but he's just been too awkward for my tastes. It's like I'm speaking to another cat. It's... Unsettling. Whelp. I should get this over with. There's things I have to talk to him about too.

Before he can even rise from his nest full of rocks, he can see the familiar brown gruff tom enter his den with a rock in tow. He's not at all alarmed by someone entering his den, considering he doesn't have any rules put in place about it. He is leader so he expects someone to come in and ask him about stuff, so it seemed counterintuitive to bar cats from being able to enter his den to seek audience with him. Most of the time though, Peachtrot visits to chat with him or give him something to add to his ever growing collection. Adderfang is far from his usual guests, so he could only hope that the warrior would forgive the look of surprise on his face.

Green eyes trail over to the shiny smooth rock that Adderfang has arrived with. A growing need burns in his belly to claim it as his own.

"Is... That for me?"

I don't really get why he would bring a rock here for any other reason? Unless he was too lazy to bring it to his nest? Adder doesn't strike me as that kind of cat though. He's always done things with purpose. I doubt he brought this rock without an explanation. Did... Did Peachtrot tell him I love shiny rocks? Are those two even friends now that I think about it? For the life of him, he can't recall a time where he has seen Peachtrot and Adderfang casually hang out. Maybe they have? It simply wouldn't be a common occurrence. In any case, Adderfang is here now. That is what's most important.

"U-uhhh, anyway. It's good you're here. I was going to go look for you, so you saved me the trouble of dragging you away from your family just for a little bit."

I shouldn't be on my nest while we speak about what happened. Yeah, that would be pretty bad. Lemme just. The silver leader would rise to his paws and sit a good tail length away from his nest, motioning the brown tom to take a seat across from him. Once Adderfang had taken a seat with the shiny rock... Oh how he wanted to snatch it, but he must refrain.

"Alright look. I know you've got something to say to me about what happened that day. Things are only going to be more awkward between us if we don't talk about it, so if you wanna say something go for it. If not, then just tell me and we can move on like nothing happened. If that's the case there's something else I need to talk to you about."

It is foolish to hold on to the hope that Adderfang will choose to move on like nothing had happened between them, but there was a small chance. I'm lying to myself, but I dunno what he'll even bring up about that day. It wasn't like he said anything wrong. He had a point, even if it hurt. In any case, the floor was now Adderfang's. All Pikestar could do was wait patiently for the warrior's choice to decide what to say or do from there.

// @Adderfang give me the rock :3

 

[Adderfang]

Ever since Wave had shoved him into the river and verbally cuffed him over the ears, Adderfang had been trying to find a way to make things right. Things just never felt like the right time.

Whenever he found the courage, Adder would make it halfway to Pike's den before it left him. A problem for another day, he'd say, once practiced what he was gonna say a few more times.

The guilt eroded at him like saltwater, wearing him down until he felt smooth—edgeless. He couldn't even speak his mind without worrying about how his words would be taken. Wave had told him he needed to be more careful with his temper, but this was too much. He needed to face it. And if his Pa had taught him anything, it was to live without regrets—because if you let them, they'd eat you alive. Adderfang had plenty of those already. He wasn't looking to add another to the pile.

So that morning, he touched noses with his mate, saw his kits off, and grabbed a rock from the collection. It was smooth, round, and opalescent. If he tilted it just right in the light, the surface glittered. Real pretty.

The kits had taken a liking to it, and, admittedly, he had too. He put it at the front of the line, kept it free of dust, and made sure it had plenty of light. But much as Adder liked it, he knew Pike would like it more. He couldn't quite remember who told him that, though.

The rock scraped against his teeth as he carried it. He ignored the eyes on his pelt as he made his way to the willow tree. He slipped under the roots, expecting to find Pike asleep. Instead, he found the leader awake, sprawled atop a pile of… rocks?

Adderfang stared. Brows knitting together, his eyes flicked over the den, taking in the mess. He resisted the deep urge to start decluttering. His paws itched, but he kept them firmly to himself.

He placed the rock down carefully, licking his teeth before easing onto his haunches, settling at a respectful distance.

Pike was the first one to speak. A tattered ear flicked as Adderfang listened, keeping his expression plain—even as he found it difficult to meet Pike's gaze. So Pike knew he'd been trying to apologize. Did Wave tell him, or had he been so transparent that even Pike saw through him?

There was also something else Pike wanted to talk about. He was curious, but that would have to wait.

"No, I do have something to say." His paw curled around the rock, tapping it absently, grounding himself. His stomach churned. He hadn't felt this nervous since the day he told Wave he loved her.

…

He did not like that comparison.

His nose wrinkled briefly before he forced his thoughts back in order. "I need to get this out of the way. I'm tired of the way things have been between us, and I'm sure you are too."

He lifted his head, sighing. "Look, Pike. What I said then—I won't take it back." The words left him, firm. But then he stiffened. "No, that's not what I'm trying to say! What I mean is, I won't make excuses for it. I could say I was tired or didn't know what I was sayin', but that'd be wrong. I'm not gonna sit here and dodge accountability. I will own up to my mistakes."

For all the times he'd run this conversation through his head, nothing came out the way he'd practiced. His words weren't smooth or measured like he wanted them to be. He wished he could speak freely like Wave did. She was always so much better at these sorts of things than he was.

"I didn't understand what you were saying about StarClan and changing things. If I'm being honest, I still don't—I mean, I do, but… also I just cant wrap my head around it. Its beyond me. Maybe I'm just too closed minded, I don't know." He exhaled sharply.

"I'm not sure I can accept that there are 'stars watching over us' or whatever Smokewreath was saying. No stars ever watched out for me before and I don't need them to now."

He shook his head. "But that's not why I'm here." He licked his lips, shifting uncomfortably. Usually, Pike was the one rambling. It seemed they had swapped today. "What I'm saying is… even if I don't get the StarClan stuff, I get you. I mean uh—I should have, trusted you. You more than earned it by then." His jaw clenched. He needed to just get it out. Quick. Or else he might never. "You didn't have to say anything when we were looking for a place to go. It would've been easier for you to keep it to yourself, to avoid all the trouble you got. But you didn't."

"I also know you didn't ask for this—being leader. I feel like I know you well enough that you wouldn't have picked that if you didn't have to. You could've run from it, or made it someone else's problem. But you didn't." His voice softens, genuine sincerity bleeding through. Pike might not be the most suited to leadership, but even Adderfang has to acknowledge the effort he's made. "To be honest, I thought you a coward. I didn't think you had it in you to stay when things got rough, but I… was wrong. You chose to do what was right—and what was difficult. I respect you for that. I really do."

He nudged the rock forward. A bridge, or at least he hoped it would be. "I let my emotions cloud my judgment and took my frustrations out on you. That wasn't right or fair, especially after you gave all of us a chance at a proper life."

He takes a breath. "I don't expect forgiveness so dont' feel like you have to give it. I'm not going to bite your head off if you would rather just move on and talk about something else. But know that I am sorry for doubting you, and for lashing out."

___________________ There wasn't a wrong or a right he could choose 𓆟 He did what he had to do ________________

• "speech" - thoughts
  

• 

• Adderfang he/him & riverclan
  𓆟 Chocolate ticked tabby w/ amber eyes. Peppered with scars. Deep gash across the right side of his face exposing one canine slightly. Missing left ear.
  𓆟 Deep gravelly voice that might unsettle others.
  𓆟 Would and will kill a man.
  𓆟 Peaceful and healing powerplay permitted. For other powerplays, DM.
  𓆟 Fur smells faintly of river reeds and damp earth.
  
  
  penned by Scarlet​

 

[PIKESTAR]

Of course, Adderfang wanted to speak about it. Lets see what he has to say.

If there is one thing he is not prepared for is how different Adderfang is. He is nothing like the stoic grump of a tom he is accustomed to. The idea of smacking himself to check if this is not a dream is alluring, but he manages to restrain himself. Uhhhmm... Breathe? You're speaking super fast and you're out of breath. I'm not suddenly going to run off, so you can take your, uhh, time. I don't want you passing out on me. What would I do then? Drag you to the side and watch you until you wake up? Drag you to Wavesong? I guess... I can fetch her, but I'd still offer to help her lug you out of here. How heavy are you anyway?

He remains quite, not wanting to interject Adderfang when he has much to say. He's never spoken this much, geez. The mention of Starclan and the admission that Adderfang can't wrap his head around it still isn't surprising. There's still a decent amount of cats who think he just made it up. Forcing Starclan down their throats wouldn't end well and its not like the starry cats will appear in camp for everyone to ogle. Unfortunately, Seabriar wouldn't come to the world of the living to speak to his friends. The only ones who really saw them were Smokewreath, Jinglemoon, and him. If Adderfang had seen them, he doubts the tom would accept them willingly. There would be apprehension regardless. Nevertheless, in time they would warm up to the idea. They didn't need to believe in it, no, he could never force them.

What was being forced upon him was the growing realization that Adderfang was just like him. Looking at the younger warrior speak was as if he was seeing a mirror. It was a bit unsettling. You seem more... Approachable. Wavesong always spoke about you like you were some softie and I kinda had a feeling, you do worry about her a lot. I nearly collapsed with how fast you ran back to the shipyard. I think I'm started to see where your charm is. Why she loves you so much. Not. Not that I'm interested in you. No way, blegh. I'd rather swim in icy waters than cuddle with you. Just the image of him and Adderfang sharing a nest causes him to shiver. It is a most unpleasant scenario and not to mention wrong. Wavesong and Adderfang went together like they were... two sides of a rock. He couldn't imagine them with someone else to be honest. They were simply meant for each other.

There is genuine sincerity. It feels wrong, cats like him aren't meant to receive such genuine feelings. Before he could really comment on it, Adderfang nudges over the shiny rock towards him. Green eyes struggle to look away from such a magnificent shiny rock. His paws itch with need to snatch the rock away from the brown tom as he continues speaking. Eventually, it does come to an end. Adderfang has said everything that has been plaguing his mind, which meant it was now up to him.

A choice was given. Whether to speak further about this matter or to move on. He considers just moving on, but... He poured out his heart to me basically. I should at least say something.

"Wavesong was right, though she never told me how awkward you really are,"

he chuckles. It's not meant to be a jab towards Adderfang. Though it would confirm his suspicion that Wavesong told him about Adderfang wanting to apologize. He would only be half right in that assumption. While Wavesong did tell him what her mate would do, Pikestar was not blind to the scarred toms eyes searing into the back of his head.

"I won't lie and tell you what you said didn't hurt. But... I was never angry at you for them. I am a coward. I'm not strong either, you could easily kill me if you wanted to. I'm a bit of a nervous wreck, if you haven't already noticed. I'm also not good with my words or even have a presence that screams leader. By all accounts I'm the worst cat to pick for leader, so I understood your reaction. It's perfectly reasonable."

The younger warrior isn't given a chance to speak up when Pikestar quickly adds.

"You know I can hear what everyone says about me, right? You're not the only one who has doubts. I know. I also doubt myself, and that's why it hurts. All I can see is where I'm lacking and where I need to grow. I want to be at least decent at this leader thing, so everyone can be a little more at ease. Instead of freaking out constantly about Pikestar messing things up."

His words are laced with solemn acceptance. It was quickly becoming apparent that not only was Pikestar was a bit of a downer, he held no love for himself. He did not believe in himself as others believed in themselves.

"I think you were right in saying them, but if that's what you believe... Okay. I'm not perfect either. I considered giving you a horrible name, cause I was bitter about what you said. Of how bad I'm at this leader thing. I couldn't go through with it in the end. Not only are you a skilled warrior in many ways, you have a loving mate and kits of your own. I wouldn't want your loved ones to suffer each time they call your name."

With a sigh he finally reaches out and takes the rock offered to him awhile ago.

"Soo... I'm sorry too. And I'll accept your apology."

As if to soothe his nerves, he plays with the rock in his paws. Rolling it around by batting it between his paws a few times. Eventually, he places a paw atop the spinning rock so it is stopped by his paw pads.

"Anyway, the thing I wanted to talk to you about... I was told from Starclan that council to help me as well as a second in command. With our not so great meeting with Skyclan, I've been thinking about who should help me lead Riverclan. And what we should do from this point forward. I'm thinking of holding a meeting about who will be helping me soon. With the way we are now, Skyclan could easily overpower us. I want us to be able to stand our ground."

He hopes it is obvious to Adderfang of what he's implying. You better be ready when I call you name. I hope you'll accept it when the time comes.

The stone balancing due to his paw falls to the ground with a light thud as he moves his paw to his chin.

"Lets be honest. I will never be like Hawkstar. Not that I want to in the first place, but I don't know how to fight. I wanted to ask for your help. That is... If you're okay with that? I won't force you to help me."

 

[Adderfang]

By the time Adderfang finished speaking, he had to stop and take a breath. A wave of lightheadedness hit him, and he made sure to keep his paws steady beneath him, drawing in air evenly.

He tried not to show it, but he was relieved—glad to have it all off his chest. It felt good, and suddenly he was wondering why he had taken so long to say it in the first place. Still, maybe it was good he waited. Whatever the case, he'd said what needed to be said. Now it was up to Pike what happened next.

It was a bit harder to read him at the moment, though that might have been because Adderfang's heart was still settling back into a normal pace. In the meantime, Pike had something to say himself.

The first thing that comes out of his mouth makes Adder stiffen. Heat creeps into his cheeks, and he frowns. Awkward?

Had he said too much? Oh—fishguts! Of course, he had. Stuff like this always happened when his nerves got all twisted up. It was a wonder Wave ever stuck around with how bad he was at this sort of stuff.

Don't get used to it. That's what he wants to say, but figured it was best to just move on before he made things worse for himself.

So, he just listens. His expression remains solid, ears turned forward in attention. It didn't surprise him to hear Pike talk about himself that way. Even back at the shipyard, the tom had always been nervous—skittish, easily . More than just him had a hard time looking past that, an Pike knew it too.

Adderfang wouldn't deny that part of Pike still existed, but that wasn't all he was. The tom had done enough to earn some of his respect. Pike's insecurities were not for him poke at and try and fix. That just wasn't something that was done. Confidence wasn't something to give. Pike would have to foster it on his own—with experience and time.

What is surprising is that the silver tom has a petty side. A horrible name, huh? Adderfang snorts. Maybe he ought to be impressed. "Now you've got me curious what my name almost was." He tilts his head back thoughtfully.

"Although, I'll say this scar you partially named me after doesn't have a pleasant story attached to it. Maybe you won after all." The fact that Pike nearly did something like that is something he finds more amusing than offensive. The twitch of a smile on the warrior's face would betray as much.

Still, he was honest about the scar. It was fitting, in a way, that the reminder of his foolishness in his youth had been engraved into his name as well as his flesh. He wondered—if Pike knew—would he have chosen differently?

Shows something about Pike too—that he had ignored the impulse for pettiness in favor of naming Adderfang for his better qualities and to protect his family. A real coward wouldn't be that considerate of others.

At least now they could move on. And it seemed there was room on that slate for talk of the future.

It was wise of Pike to get help leading RiverClan. Adderfang didn't expect to be involved in that—nor did he push for it. He wasn't interested in leadership just to lead. That didn't mean he wouldn't have stepped up if it came down to it. He took the mantle only where his family was concerned. Right now, the best way to keep them safe… was to ensure that the right choices were made.

"I understand." It was good that he was thinking about these things now. Pike shouldn't be leading alone. No offense to the tom, but they were barely keeping their heads above water as it was. SkyClan—and other outsiders—threatened the foundations of what they were building. He was glad Pike saw that too.

"My concern, as it's always been, is keeping my family safe." He blinks dully. "Seems to me that the best way to do that now is by helping you—and RiverClan as a whole. So, yes. I'm okay with that."

Besides. He made a promise to Wave, and her words had been sitting with him ever since.

"He's gonna need someone at his side with a good head on his shoulders. Ye can be that fer him. Be a friend an' a voice of reason."

Pike coming to him about this certainly made things a lot easier. Adder wasn't sure what he would've done if they hadn't settled things. "SkyClan makes me uneasy, but I doubt they'll test us anytime soon." If they wanted to level the competition, they could've done it then and there. The only thing keeping them apart was a river and their sensibilities. "They seemed more concerned with border rights than starting a fight. If they're that equipped for battle, they could have taken it from us then." His tail flicks sharply. Knowing that there's a threat living right next to them that they are presently so unprepared for does not sit well in his gut.

"They gave us time to sharpen our claws. We should use it wisely." Time to train those who couldn't fight. Especially the younger ones. There would be opposition, but owning territory meant being ready to defend it. Even Pike is willing to acknowledge that, and now others would have to as well.

"If you're willing to do things my way, I can teach you to fight." He studies Pike with a wary eye and exhales through his nose. "The tom who taught me... he wasn't a kind teacher. I can do my best to ease you into it, but it ain't light work. Not trying to scare you, just setting expectations."

If Pike wanted to learn—and he should—then Adderfang would do his best to see that through. A leader should know how to fight, if not with claws, then with a cutting wit... And not to kick a dead fish, but right now, Pike had neither.

___________________ There wasn't a wrong or a right he could choose 𓆟 He did what he had to do ________________

• "speech" - thoughts
  

• 

• Adderfang he/him & riverclan
  𓆟 Chocolate ticked tabby w/ amber eyes. Peppered with scars. Deep gash across the right side of his face exposing one canine slightly. Missing left ear.
  𓆟 Deep gravelly voice that might unsettle others.
  𓆟 Would and will kill a man.
  𓆟 Peaceful and healing powerplay permitted. For other powerplays, DM.
  𓆟 Fur smells faintly of river reeds and damp earth.
  
  
  penned by Scarlet​