Private Shipyard long and lost // brook

[pine]

// cw for mentions of death/drowning

Pine is heading down the beach in no particular direction, going nowhere in particular. It's late in the day, and the sun has sunk so far down the sky that it's nearly kissing the sea. The light it casts is warm and orange, and when he spots Brook sitting by herself, it makes her look golden and almost unreal. He watches her in silence for a moment, thinking.

He hadn't been there, when her kit had drowned. He'd been busy making sure Torrent and Squid weren't getting themselves into trouble. But he'd heard about it afterwards– news tends to travel fast in the shipyard, murmurs reaching even ears that aren't listening for them. She looks alone up on her rock, her other kit probably safe and sleeping somewhere close by. Kits sleep a lot, at that age. Pine remembers. He remembers everything.

Setting his mind to it, he approaches her, hopping onto the rock next her, not touching her. He lets the silence hang for a moment before he speaks.

"I won't tell you I'm sorry," he says. "I hate when cats tell me that. It doesn't help anybody but the one who says it. What can I do with their apologies?" A beat. He did not talk much about his past, about what happened to him before he came to the shipyard. But he knew the pain of losing a kit too well, and knew it wasn't easy to go through it alone, as he had. "It will take time. It will take time, and it will not be easy, but it will get less painful. Moon by moon, it will hurt less, until you only notice it when you're reminded of the wound. Time does not heal it. You just get used to living with it."

@Brook

 

[Brook]

⋆˚✿˖° I was dancing in the rain, I felt alive and I can't explain

Brook had never lost a kit before. Her first litter had been strong and healthy, each of them surviving, thriving, and eventually setting out to find their place in the world. They had lived. But this… this was different. For the first time, she had lost a child, and the pain was unlike anything she had ever felt. Little Rain had been a joy, just as his sister was. But now he was gone, and the weight of his absence was suffocating.

She couldn't stop the thoughts that churned in her mind. What if I had been more vigilant? What if I had been closer? She had trusted her kits too much, put too much responsibility on Rain's young shoulders. That trust, that mistake, had cost her dearly.

It was her fault. Rain had drowned, and no matter how desperately she'd tried, she hadn't been able to save him. The pain of it clawed at her heart, a raw, unrelenting ache. She would never see him again, never feel his warmth at her side or hear his laughter. It made her question everything, herself, her choices, even the place they called home. Perhaps this wasn't where they were meant to be. Perhaps they needed to move, to find someplace safer.

Her spiraling thoughts were interrupted by the quiet sound of pawsteps. She tore her gaze away from Lilac, her remaining kit, to find Pine settling beside her. The sight of him tightened the knot in her chest. He, too, knew the agony of losing a kit... several, even. She had helped him find his footing when he'd arrived, drawn close to him over time. But what could he possibly say to ease the storm within her?

When he spoke, his voice was steady but laced with understanding. There were no hollow apologies, no meaningless "I'm sorry for your loss." What use was that word? It wouldn't bring Rain back. Instead, he told her that the pain would lessen, that the wound in her heart would take time to heal.

Brook swallowed hard, her eyes squeezing shut as she curled her tail tightly around herself. His words weren't unkind, but they didn't lift the crushing guilt. " I should have been closer. " she whispered hoarsely. " They cried for me… and I wasn't fast enough. "

✿────────────── ──────── Brook ──────── ─────────────✿

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[pine]

Pine looks over at Brook, taking in the troubled expression on her face. She looked guilty, and her words were laced with it, like guilt had crawled in under her skin and gotten into her very soul.

"Maybe," he says. He'd blamed himself too, and he still does, but maybe he doesn't. There's a part of missing someone that always feels like guilt. But he does not carry it like a burden anymore, instead he bears it as proof. "Maybe it would've changed things. Maybe you could've saved them. But you were not closer, and you were not faster– and it is too late now, the story's already been written. Nothing can be done to change it," he shifts slightly, lets his shoulder brush hers for a moment before pulling back. "Guilt is the reward you get for loving your children. Now you must bear the guilt as proof that you loved them. And there is no penance worse than to live when your child is gone– you are already repenting. You will repent till your last day," he looks away, out over the ocean. The setting sun casts its light on it, turning everything purple and pink in the last moments. When he speaks again his voice is quiet and soft, blurred at the edges. Memories, piling up on one another and making a kind of weight of themselves. "We shouldn't outlive our children. It is a cruel fate to have to remember them for longer than we knew them."

 

[Brook]

⋆˚✿˖° I was dancing in the rain, I felt alive and I can't explain

Brook squeezed her eyes shut, her entire body shuddering with the weight of her grief. For a moment, she seemed frozen, lost in the storm of her own sorrow. But finally, she turned to look at Pine, unspilled tears shining in her eyes. Her kits had been her heart and soul. They still were. Rain had held such promise, such potential to grow into an incredible cat. He'd been kind, responsible, and sweet... A little rascal at times, sure, but always full of life. He'd been so young.

And now he was gone.

The ache clawed through her, sharp and relentless. It wouldn't leave her... It couldn't. It tore her apart, piece by piece, and no matter how she tried, she couldn't stop it. She knew Pine was right. This story was written in stone, and no amount of wallowing or wishing could rewrite it.

No one could bring back the dead.

" It hurts so much. " she finally choked out, her voice trembling as she dipped her head low. Her body seemed to curl in on itself, smaller than ever, as if trying to shield herself from the pain. Pine was right... Outliving your children should never be possible. No parent should ever have to bear this weight, this unimaginable loss.

A sob escaped her, raw and unrestrained, as the tears she'd held back began to fall freely. " I think... I think I'll see him in every rainfall that touches my pelt... " she whispered, her voice cracking with the sheer force of her grief. " Every drop, every storm... It'll remind me of him. "

Finally, she let it all out, the torrent of her emotions crashing over her. Her brain whispered that it was safe now, safe to feel, safe to grieve, with Pine beside her.

✿────────────── ──────── Brook ──────── ─────────────✿

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