Private Backwritten Make a mercy out of me ✴︎ Asterpaw

[Faithkit]

FAITHKIT

A BOUQUET OF BRAMBLES

SHE/HERx THUNDERCLAN KITx 02 MOONS​

☆ A sickly fawn cream tortoiseshell with low white
☆ Adopted child of Serpentberry, littermates with Falsekit and Thornkit
☆ penned by Juice↛ Ouijeejuice on discord, feel free to dm for plots.​

​

It isn't often that you find yourself chummy with your clanmates. The idea of a broader community seems a little jarring to you after having spent your small life only knowing and being dependent on your family. It wasn't as if your new family was especially popular either, not that you really care for what others think. There is an urgency to try and branch out today though, the den feels suffocating and there is a small seed of envy that begins to sprout in your stomach. Your littermates can easily speak with others, you've seen their stilted attempts and in your pitiful brain it's seen as successful and done with ease. While you weren't feeling particularly adventurous as to approach someone entirely new the cat you settle on today is new enough. Familiar in that he's seen around Juniperstar but you never cared to remember the name, nor the face really. It was difficult for you to really grasp onto anyone's face, it was easier to find one small thing about them. For this cat it was the fact that their nose appeared to always be running in some capacity, you'd think it unsightly if yours didn't also do it.

It's that. That familiarity in what it is to be frail, from a cat much older than you no less. If there's hope for him to thrive then there can be hope for you to get better and stay better right? "You" it feels embarrassing to admit that you don't actually know his name. Yet here you are, basking in his presence with demands of knowledge on the tip of your tongue. In your childishly selfish mind you don't consider if they would be willing to listen to you since you don't care enough to know his name prior.

"Were you.. sick as a kit too?" holding your jaw tight you clear your throat with a small cough. A wheeze settles on the uptick of your breathing as your lungs clench, seemingly responsive to just the word 'sick'. There's a pause as your left scrambling to find your next words, to hold onto a small scrap of strength as you wait for the fit to pass. "Did it..." No that didn't seem right. "Does it get better?" That felt more befitting, staring up at him with wide eyes almost pleading for a yes. Your littermates don't truly understand it, neither mother past nor present could either but maybe this cat does?

// backwritten to be sometime before Serpentberry dies :3 @ASTERPAW

 

[ASTERPAW]

x

He remembers the kits that Serpentberry had ended up bringing back to camp and he didn't really find himself caring for them as selfish as it was, it meant more family for Juniperstar and himself, and that itself should be celebrated but the thought of either of these scraps of fur taking up more time from his mother like their mother did... it made an ugly feeling rear its face and it caused his mouth to taste bitter. Jealousy. They seemed to take after the prickly medicine cat in a way with how strange a few of them are or rather aloof behavior which is different to that than a normal kit... He's lost in his own mind as he tries to think of what the future holds for him and he isn't quite certain, he would become a warrior soon enough and carry out his duties but with more freedom.

He wouldn't have Graybird trailing after him anymore and he'd be able to be off on his own... he would be able to see Lavenderpaw without either of their mentors sticking their noses where they don't belong and part of that sounds perfect in a way but his selfish heart desires more. Asterpaw isn't allowed in his thoughts for much longer when the faint sound of shuffling paws catches his attention and the 'you' that follows is what makes his copper gaze turn in the direction of Faithkit; one of Serpentberry's castaways. A small part of him wants to ignore the kit for not bothering to remember his name, he knows that he isn't the most stunning or the best at anything but she could've, at least, remembered his name.

But his mother hadn't raised him to be cruel... He flicks his ear to the side deciding that he would hear what question the molly had for him and he can't help but blink at the words that slip out of her jaws only to be coupled by a cough and wheeze akin to his own fits whenever the weather became colder. "Were you... sick as a kit too?" Faithkit asks him and the question strikes several cords as he finds himself mute for a long heartbeat before he answers with a sniffle "Yes."

"Does it get better?"

His whiskers twitch as he contemplates his next answer and he thinks about how he had spent most of his kithood within Juniperstar's shadow, how she hovered over him constantly, and the constant visits to Serpentberry's den due to his coughing fits or breathing problems. His lungs still rattled, a wheeze, cough or sneeze always followed not too far, and his nose felt as if its constantly running especially now with leaf-bare not being too far now. It hadn't gotten better... it had only become bearable. Asterpaw had remained whereas Magpiepaw wobbles lightly like a newborn fawn finding its footing and then there was Dreampaw... not sick nor born odd. Dreampaw had been blessed... he had been born perfect whereas Asterpaw and Magpiepaw (in his own opinion) had been born with imperfections.

"It..." Asterpaw mulls over his words longer than he should especially for someone that's basically like a stranger to him, "It becomes bearable over time. I still struggle... but I'm alive and that itself says enough does it not?"

CITY OF STARS; ARE YOU SHINING JUST FOR ME?

ASTERPAW

THUNDERCLAN APPRENTICE
TRANS MASC x HE/HIM/THEY/THEM​

x

"speech", thoughts, attacking
a runty, longhaired chocolate tabby with clay toned eyes and low white. a sickly apprentice with small patches of fevercoat left over in his pelt, kitten fuzz, and fat that clings to him but is fading away to give way to a taller/more lanky build
sickly child of loonstar and sablestar; littermate of dreampaw and magpiepaw; padding after lavenderpaw

asterpaw's an introverted apprentice that keeps to himself for the most part unless family's involved, he usually keeps his head low and eyes averted so he doesn't make direct eye contact. once, he actually gets to know someone is he more open towards them and can prove to be a devoted friend. once he's comfortable around other individuals, he tends to speak a lot more and sometimes over shares about himself without realizing it. he hates that he was born sickly but despite it, he tries to overcome it and pushes himself harder than any of the apprentices

 

[Faithkit]

FAITHKIT

A BOUQUET OF BRAMBLES

SHE/HERx THUNDERCLAN KITx 02 MOONS​

☆ A sickly fawn cream tortoiseshell with low white
☆ Adopted child of Serpentberry, littermates with Falsekit and Thornkit
☆ penned by Juice↛ Ouijeejuice on discord, feel free to dm for plots.​

​

The answer takes longer to be delivered than you would like. One would think a child born of illness would learn to understand patience but you think that it has just made your threshold for it all the thinner. You can't really gleam if that's the case for him as well, he looks impossibly tall and wise but maybe it's because you seek out too much of his mother within him. How much you separate her from him you can't really say, the appearance is different but the tiredness almost in the eyes look almost the same as hers. It could be association due to the fact you see them nearby each other a lot, could this have been yourself and your mother if she lived? You couldn't possibly imagine it being how you could have ever been with Serpentbery.

Yes, he finally says. Your face holds strong but your ears perk at the one word. Shoulders bunch together to the point where they ache and you are compelled to press forward. Your line of questioning leads you to jut your chin out, holding your youthful head up high. You're not particularly good at reading others, there is nothing in his eyes that time that give anything away. So you're left scrunching your brows and staring at how his whiskers twitch. Once again he finally speaks, moments before your patience wears out. Any frustration building in you dissipates at his answer, bunched shoulders go slack as you divert your gaze finally.

"Bearable" you repeat with your maw drawn into a tight line, tilting your head quizzically as you stare up at them. You guess you could live with bearable, if you make it as far as he is now. Only now do you decide to feel a little bad that you can't remember his name, though you're too stubborn to ask for it. "It does..." you shrug and let yourself shake off the last of the tension you carry. "Did you... get to be an apprentice with your friends?" You know that his experiences aren't your own. Yet you hold hope that if he can do it so can you, the idea of being behind your littermates when they get to grow up hurts. In a rare show of public insecurity you seek comfort in someone you deem a stranger. "Are you struggling now?" You think that's a good question, a good way to judge just how bad a 'bad day' could be for him.