MANGO DRIVE ⊹ Pineheart

[Frostmoth]

The nights are restless. Frostmoth has never been a very good sleeper. From the time they had all been in the shipyard, he vividly remembers the night that their shelter had collapsed. The way he had been awake, listening to the storm rage out of control outside before their shelter had finally given in. But now there is an additional factor. Frostmoth no longer has to worry about silly clerical things and holding his fellow council members together. Now there is this great lurking shadow casting its ugly darkness over his form. He had watched Pikestar die and come back to life. And worse: he had seen Adderfang be the perpetrator of that event. He could realistically be pointed to as the cat who tore his family unit apart by exiling him.

Frostmoth tosses and turns in his nest likely to Stormswirl's chagrin, though she does not say anything likely out of pity for the unspeakable things they have gone through as a clan. He gives up on sleep. The bicolor pulls himself out of his nest and steps out into camp. The den had become far too claustrophobic. For once, the night sky is clear of clouds. He tips his head back to gaze at the stars and the waning moon. Frostmoth's eyes wander among the stars, but he finds that he does not address StarClan in his mind. There is already too much in his mind for him to consider spirituality and ancestors.

He turns eyes toward the camp entrance, pondering a midnight walk. It was unlikely anyone else was awake at this hour anyhow.

OH, MY GOD ★ MAKE ME IN YOUR IMAGE

• @pineheart
• ★ FROST — he/him, riverclan deputy, 21 moons
  — penned by carat, feel free to ping or dm for plots!
  — longhair black and white bicolor with blue eyes
  — peaceful powerplay ok! all interactions ok!
  
• penned by carat!

 

[pineheart]

"You're awake," Pine says, more statement than question. A statement of kinship.

He's not all that surprised to see the younger tom up at this hour; Pine himself has been having trouble sleeping lately too. More than usual. He's haunted by many things, some things old, some things new- Adder, Pike, both covered in the latter's blood. His kits, their frail bodies curled next to his mate, like they were all only sleeping.

He looks at Frostmoth, and nods towards the entrance. "Let's go for a walk," he says. "I think we could both use one. You look like you have something on your mind kid."

see the life i've had

could make a good man bad

• ooc: -
• PINEHEART : 51 moons
  mentor to torrentpaw
  tags

 

[Frostmoth]

Frostmoth's pale blue eyes snap towards Pineheart, meeting his deeper-shaded ones. A feeling of shame washes over him, as if he's been caught doing something mischievous by a father figure. He'd been told by numerous clanmates that he needed to give it up; to lay down and go to sleep, to get some rest in the wake of all that has occurred. But Frostmoth finds that the nighttime breeze is more calming than his nest. He draws in a breath, cool air filling his lungs. He does not reply to Pineheart's remark, knowing that the defeated expression on his face is likely more telling than any agreement or excuse that he could make.

At Pineheart's suggestion, Frostmoth nearly jumps at the opportunity. "Yes..." he says weakly, his voice trampled half by defeat and half by his dried out throat "Let's go." He turns to head towards the entrance and out of camp. The reeds that line their camp rattle quietly in the wind, familiarity soothing to him in nature. For a long time, the walk is silent between he and Pineheart. But suddenly, the words come blurting out of him: "It feels like it's my fault."

OH, MY GOD ★ MAKE ME IN YOUR IMAGE

• "SPEECH"
• ★ FROST — he/him, riverclan deputy, 21 moons
  — penned by carat, feel free to ping or dm for plots!
  — longhair black and white bicolor with blue eyes
  — peaceful powerplay ok! all interactions ok!
  
• penned by carat!

 

[pineheart]

The walk is, for a long while, silent. Pineheart doesn't mind this– he might actually prefer it, even though he'd been the one to suggest that the younger tom share whatever was troubling him. A bad habit he'd picked up at some point or another after meeting Torrent. He keeps wanting to… help. Which is unlike him. Then quite suddenly, the silence is broken.

It feels like it's my fault.

One of Pine's ears flick, and that's about all the reaction he has for a bit. At length, he says, "yeah, I've been feeling the same." Then, silence again. "I suggested it to him, you know. Killing Pike. Not that I told him he should do it– he said he wanted to do something, and I asked what– what could we do? Because killing him would be a stupid fucking idea, and he seemed to realize that," he shakes his head, tail lashing angrily and hitting nothing but reeds and grass. "He said he would never do it, seemed appalled just at the thought."

His claws unsheathe, digging into the dirt as they walk. "I don't think he even knew he was going to do it until he was in the middle of it. It wasn't planned. If it was planned, he would've thought about it for more than ten fucking seconds and realize he'd lose everything he was trying to protect if he did."

Another angry lash of his tail, and a deep sigh. "It's his own damn fault," he spits out. "Adder's a fucking idiot– he's a coward, and a murderer, and…" he's my brother, he wants to say, but the words die in the back of his throat. "He was my friend."

see the life i've had

could make a good man bad

• ooc: -
• PINEHEART : 51 moons
  mentor to torrentpaw
  tags

 

[Frostmoth]

The pair near one of the many rivers and tributaries, though one would be hard pressed to avoid them on RiverClan territory. Frostmoth's steps slow. He had been comfortable with the silence between them before he'd decided to interject his thoughts into their peaceful walk. Though he still supposes that there is something to be said for the tension that had laid thick in the humid air. One of them would have jumped to speak eventually, it was just a matter of who would break first. And in this case, as a sign of his youth, it had been Frostmoth.

They move along the bank of the river. Frostmoth's eyes follow the way the water rushes in the opposite direction, the sound of the current butting against the riverbanks and the rocks jutting over the surface comfort him in the gaps between Pineheart's words. There isn't much solace to be had though. The two of them go back and forth in confirming one another's fears. The deputy is unsurprised by Pineheart's confession. He reflects on the night that everything had happened. The whirlwind of actions and emotions. "He acted out of anger," he says simply
"I don't think he thought about it at all. He was blinded by his rage."

He bites his tongue. Frostmoth wonders if he could be driven to that point too. If Adder's sudden outburst was a cobra that resided in all of them. Ready to strike when driven to the point of no return. Was he capable of the same? Was Pineheart? He thinks of the way his quick action to exile Adder had likely saved his life. Pineheart and Smokewreath had been ready to tear the former RiverClanner limb from limb. That was hardly the action of a cat who might be ready to send their leader to slaughter.

"Even after it... Nothing has changed," he says after a pregnant silence between them "There is just one fewer between us." Frostmoth takes another shaky breath, feeling his paws prickle with discomfort. His words are stilted. "I'm ashamed to say it, but there was a part of me that felt relieved when I saw what Adder did. I felt so relieved that all of this could be ended. That we could maybe be a harmonious RiverClan, but it had been a childish feeling..." the bicolor shakes his head, a bitter taste at his own confession "I wouldn't be ready for that. And the... Cost of peace painted by blood... I don't know if that price is worth it, either."

Frostmoth knows that Adder would not have put his position in RiverClan with such high esteem that he would have killed Pikestar over losing it, and so there is still a part of him that wonders what words had been exchanged that had so quickly driven him to the point of murder. He pauses along the riverbank, white-tipped paws sinking into the moist ground as he thinks. "Do you think I did the right thing?" the question comes hoarse and skiddish. Childish. The difference in age between them becomes sharply apparent. "Should I have sent him away for what he did?"

OH, MY GOD ★ MAKE ME IN YOUR IMAGE

• "SPEECH"
• ★ FROST — he/him, riverclan deputy, 21 moons
  — penned by carat, feel free to ping or dm for plots!
  — longhair black and white bicolor with blue eyes
  — peaceful powerplay ok! all interactions ok!
  
• penned by carat!

 

[pineheart]

"Not anger," Pineheart says quietly. "Not rage either. Grief. Fear. Losing a kit… there's nothing else, nothing compares to the pain that follows that. Adder needed someone to blame for it, someone to take it out on– and it just so happened that Pike stood in the way."

He nods thoughtfully as Frostmoth continues, and he gets it. He understands. He'd felt it too. That brief sense of relief, like cold water on a burn.

"Nothing weird about that, kid," Pineheart replies, shaking his head. "I felt relieved too, for a moment. It would be so easy, wouldn't it? If that was all it took to fix things?" he sighs. "As for whether or not it would've been worth it… I don't know. We're all used to solving things that way, aren't we? Most of us anyway. None of us know a fucking thing about diplomacy. I would prefer fighting over talking, that's for damn sure. But that don't mean it's the right way to do things. We're in a new place, surrounded by new cats… we have to change. We can't do things the way we would've done in the shipyard. We need… structure."

Frostmoth's next words take him slightly by surprise. The younger tom is usually so closed off, revealing little and saying less. Rarely does he ever state his feelings so plainly, nor ask for… comfort isn't the right word, but something like it. Approval? That doesn't sound right either. Though Pineheart called him kid, he was still a fully grown cat. He glances at him out of the corner of his eyes, then away. What would he say to Torrent…?

"You did good, Frost," he says gruffly, though earnestly as he comes to a stop next to him. "Nothing else anyone could've done. If we killed him for it… Wavesong would never forgive us, would she? And if not that, then what options did we have but to send him away? We can't exactly keep him prisoner. No, sending him away– it was the right thing to do, if not the only thing you could've done."

see the life i've had

could make a good man bad

• ooc: -
• PINEHEART : 51 moons
  mentor to torrentpaw
  tags

 

[Frostmoth]

Grief. Right. He searches Pineheart's expression, but finds little beneath the firm bark of his face. His eyes turn back to the river, focusing on the way the moonlight dances across the surface in ripples. His reflection is there, too, a distorted image of himself. Not all that dissimilar from the way that he is feeling. Frostmoth is fortunate that the only losses he has experienced is being abandoned by his mother before he and Storm had joined the others at the shipyard. And he had not known his father, so there was no grieving to be had there either. Still, he is able to empathize; he cannot imagine how it might feel if he were to lose Stormswirl, Smokewreath, or Willowburn.

"I wish I had known what had lead up to that point," he voices, chin tucked to chest. What he does not say is that he bets it was stupid. He bets that Pikestar had pushed Adderfang's buttons. He bets it had been impulsive and idiotic. "I thought Adder was angry, but I thought..." It dies on his tongue, but Frostmoth nearly says that he thought Adder had more self-control. Maybe, he wonders, it might be tasteless to assume that grief and sadness are not powerful enough to subvert discipline.

Pineheart assuages what had been bothering Frostmoth the most: his concern that he had been a bad cat when compared to his clanmates for not immediately being filled with rage that Pikestar had been killed. "We need structure," he echoes "Yet when we sought out a solution we were downtrodden." Frostmoth huffs. Childish, again. "Many of the other clans aren't further ahead of us in that regard either," he scoffs "I wouldn't even know where to begin." To that effect, he is almost certain that isn't even his job, but it seems as if Frostmoth is torn between two worlds and is trying to knit together the seams.

His gaze finds Pineheart again when the lifeguard affirms him. Frostmoth feels something akin to pride forming in his throat. Praise is not foreign to the deputy- no, he has worked hard to glean every bit that he has received thus far- but he still finds happiness in Pineheart's approval. "I don't think I could live with myself," he agrees with regard to Wavesong "It was the reason I thought of when I exiled him. I didn't know my father. But I can't imagine that it would be easy living with a clan that tore your father apart for his crimes." Mercy was a price that Frostmoth was willing to pay for the peace of mind of his friend and her kits. He would deal with the consequences later.

OH, MY GOD ★ MAKE ME IN YOUR IMAGE

• "SPEECH"
• ★ FROST — he/him, riverclan deputy, 21 moons
  — penned by carat, feel free to ping or dm for plots!
  — longhair black and white bicolor with blue eyes
  — peaceful powerplay ok! all interactions ok!
  
• penned by carat!