TW: Sensitive Content miss our little talks — flowercloud

[TAWNYBEAM]

trigger warning Entire thread will mention or touch upon death and grief.

Tawnybeam has been meaning to do this, really. It's not even that excuses have been turning up—though he loathes to admit that he had taken advantage of distracting situations sometimes, when his heart had beaten a little too fast for his liking. He's been wanting to talk to Flowercloud... and sure, he has been sticking to her side wherever he could, but he ought to do more.

There is simply no easy way to get into it. She has lost a son, and that is not a feeling Tawnybeam can relate to.

It is even weirder when he considers Rosebelly—and specifically how Rosepaw had once outed Tawnybeam to Hawkstar, getting him into quite the situtation. It had been obvious from the very beginning that Rosebelly had not been the biggest fan of him, or daylight warriors in general. Tawnybeam had made sure to avoid him wherever he could.

Now, he wishes that the younger cat could still be here to bully him and torture him with sneers and off-hand comments.

Tawnybeam had grieved for him despite everything. A life taken too soon- and in such an unjust manner, too. But perhaps the harshest thing had been watching both Hawkstar and Flowercloud break under that pain. His leader had donned herself in Juniperstar's blood and appeared all the more stable for it, somehow... but Flowercloud has not quite regained her shine. It worries Tawnybeam to no end.

When he finally has the guts to seek her out privately, he waits for night to fall. Most of their Clanmates are already snoozing away in their nests after a long day of work, while others still chatter away about past events or get ready for a patrol in the night. Tawnybeam's lucky; Flowercloud has not yet retired to her den, and there is nobody around to bother the deputy about something impossibly unimportant.

He seizes his chance.

"Hi,"

Tawnybeam greets around the mice tails in his mouth.

"Can I join you? Here, share with me."

He doesn't actually give her a chance to refuse him. He feels awkward in the way he settles beside her and pushes one of the mice towards her with his muzzle; just a few moons ago, he had felt so light around her. Now he isn't sure where to begin. Tawnybeam's eyes are wide as he stares at her, unblinking like an owl, and he knows he is going to make her uncomfortable if he stays silent any longer.

"How are you feeling?"

@flowercloud

 

[flowercloud]

"Tawnybeam~" the molly purrs her greeting, her paws tucking under her chest, her white fur pillowing out as she readjusted. Green eyes were bright towards her friend. "I wouldn't ever sharing prey with you," she snickered, his hastiness to intercede and squander any denial chance enough to make her chuckle.

The more she opened up, the more she realized how much shed been neglecting everyone. She didn't understand how others could live like that, live drowning in their doubts and worries- but she did it too, and she didn't dare ask for a drop of empathy or help. And it tore everything apart- she did. A breath as she closed her eyes, before opening them to see the wide eyes he held towards her, the words trailing from his maws like open fire.

"Everything's a bit brighter now. Thought the colour of the world drained- the sun never rose it felt like, and the birds songs were quiet, like life was muffled," she hummed softly, tail twitching behind her. "It's hard, but no one ever said it was supposed to be easy. I'm still clinging to the edge, I know I'm not there yet, but, I think I finally overcame the hardest part yet." She licked her chest in a bit of awkwardness, before lifting green eyes back to Tawnybeam. "And you, how are you fairing lately?" She returned, smile soft.
​

 

[TAWNYBEAM]

The very first word out of Flowercloud's mouth tells Tawnybeam everything he needs to know. She purrs his name, and that already makes him sag in relief. She doesn't glare at him or hiss at him or order him to leave her alone—instead, she seems just as pleased by his company as she had been prior to the tragedy that had upturned her life.

He all but forgets the mouse at his paws as he listens to her. Tawnybeam drinks in her explanation, eager to share this moment with his friend. He isn't even certain when it had happened; she had simply backed him up when barely anybody else did, and it had been enough for him to feel attachment towards her. The promotion to deputy—now twice—has only solidified his trust in her. Tawnybeam thinks there is scarcely anything he would not do for Flowercloud.

"I'm glad,"

he says, and quickly realizes just how lame that sounds. In truth, he feels as out of breath as if he had just ran through the entire forest.

"I mean, I'm very glad! More than you know. I was worried..."

Tawnybeam trails off. Her spirits might be lifted, but that doesn't necessarily mean she wants to indulgei n the nasty details.

The way she describes her change of heart convinces him otherwise. It's almost like poetry.

"Of course you did."

He nods as if to make a point.

"You can overcome anything."

The seriousness that momentarily slips into him is gone in a flash, teeth flashing with his grin. Tawnybeam tilts his head and brushes it against Flowercloud's cheek, purring loud enough for everybody in camp to hear.

"Doing splendid, now that I know you're better too. It's all thanks to you, you know? The way I have a place in SkyClan now. I feel like I belong. If it wasn't for you, I ain't so sure it would have turned out this way."

 

[flowercloud]

Flowercloud hated how much others had worried about her. The last month, or has it been months? It was foggy, distant- like a dream. She had remembered vaguely waking up, vaguely working- but at the same time it was all she could remember besides vivid dreams of holding her son so close, or the wails that made her throat raw-

"I hate I made everyone worry. It doesn't feel right, and I'm sorry. I should've known I had others to lean on, but... It seemed easier. And I was wrong." She expressed with a saddened sigh, shaking her head. She always thought she could hold herself together. But truth was, she couldn't. She hadnt really even been right since admitting to Duskpool that she wasn't alright. That she felt betrayed, and hurt, and it made sense that she didn't want to lean on anyone in the biggest time of need.

She couldn't even lean on her children, but that wouldn't have been fair. Everyone went through stuff, she just had been unfortunate. No one was perfect though, shed remind herself.

Tawnybeam pressed his cheek against hers, and Flowercloud allowed him, pulling her face towards his and curling her neck and head around him in a friendly embrace. It felt warm... And tickled her in a spot that made her feel even more whole. "It wasn't just me, it was you too. You were always capable, Tawnybeam. You just had to see it for yourself." She said, reflecting it back off onto him. She could barely help herself, how could she have helped him? But she pulled away, smiling anyways with a sense of pride.

flowercloud - 36 moons - skyclan deputy - mentoring none