trigger warning
Entire thread will mention or touch upon death and grief.
Tawnybeam has been meaning to do this, really. It's not even that excuses have been turning up—though he loathes to admit that he had taken advantage of distracting situations sometimes, when his heart had beaten a little too fast for his liking. He's been wanting to talk to Flowercloud... and sure, he has been sticking to her side wherever he could, but he ought to do more.
There is simply no easy way to get into it. She has lost a son, and that is not a feeling Tawnybeam can relate to.
It is even weirder when he considers Rosebelly—and specifically how Rosepaw had once outed Tawnybeam to Hawkstar, getting him into quite the situtation. It had been obvious from the very beginning that Rosebelly had not been the biggest fan of him, or daylight warriors in general. Tawnybeam had made sure to avoid him wherever he could.
Now, he wishes that the younger cat could still be here to bully him and torture him with sneers and off-hand comments.
Tawnybeam had grieved for him despite everything. A life taken too soon- and in such an unjust manner, too. But perhaps the harshest thing had been watching both Hawkstar and Flowercloud break under that pain. His leader had donned herself in Juniperstar's blood and appeared all the more stable for it, somehow... but Flowercloud has not quite regained her shine. It worries Tawnybeam to no end.
When he finally has the guts to seek her out privately, he waits for night to fall. Most of their Clanmates are already snoozing away in their nests after a long day of work, while others still chatter away about past events or get ready for a patrol in the night. Tawnybeam's lucky; Flowercloud has not yet retired to her den, and there is nobody around to bother the deputy about something impossibly unimportant.
He seizes his chance.
"Hi,"
Tawnybeam greets around the mice tails in his mouth. "Can I join you? Here, share with me."
He doesn't actually give her a chance to refuse him. He feels awkward in the way he settles beside her and pushes one of the mice towards her with his muzzle; just a few moons ago, he had felt so light around her. Now he isn't sure where to begin. Tawnybeam's eyes are wide as he stares at her, unblinking like an owl, and he knows he is going to make her uncomfortable if he stays silent any longer. "How are you feeling?"