TW: Sensitive Content Private only twenty minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany ── ✦ quailstep

[brightnose!'s icon brightnose! brightnose!]

{$title} set like a day or two after the sky/thunder skirmish

BRIGHTNOSE ──

skyclan | warrior

​

It feels like Brightnose is laying sleepless in her nest for moons. The bite wound on her forearm aches, even with the medicine she's received from Swallowbreeze, and it serves as a constant reminder that she could have done better. Had Hawkstar not been notified of the battle at ThunderClan's border - had she not arrived with a screeching command to fall back - would Brightnose have lost her fight against that giant ThunderClan cat? He'd bitten her with his tusk-like fangs and dragged her to the ground, while she'd hardly managed to sink her claws into his skin. She could easily have been injured to a far greater extent, or worse… she had just wanted to protect her Clanmates, but in the end she couldn't even protect herself.

When sleep finally takes hold of Brightnose, she finds herself in the territory again, running in the direction of distant yowls of fury. All she wanted was to help, to save them from the same fate she's seen so many times before. In the same swift movements she had made the last time, she collides with the dark-furred ThunderClanner and the two of them scuffle with flashing teeth and extended claws. Brightnose tries to avoid the inevitable, to maneuver her paw in a way that would avoid the other cat's snapping jaws, but it's as if she's not in control of her movements - it happens again, exactly the same, the pain sending sparks through her foreleg as she's slammed into the ground. She expects to hear Hawkstar's voice any second, to whip her head around and see her perched upon the branch of a tree. But this time, she did not come.
Instead, she struggles against her opponents' grasp as he pins her to the ground, lurching forward with bloodstained teeth. Panicked, she rakes her claws over his belly in a desperate attempt to get him away; when he reels back, she squirms her way out from underneath him, staggering backward as blood drips from her injured paw. It's now when she notices that there's something different about the ThunderClan cat that isn't the same as before… it's as if his frame is morphing right before her eyes into something else - or rather, someone else. Beneath her, Brightnose can feel the familiar crunching sound of stepping in snow.

In mere moments, the scene before her changes. Her Clanmates disappear, and the ThunderClan cats with them. It's early leaf-bare and she's in a place that she knows like the back of her paw, despite only having been there once. Her ears pin back and her eyes widen as the cat before her changes into a rogue with matted fur and a crooked, lashing tail, his eyes glinting with bloodthirst as he steps closer. Somewhere far away, she hears an all-too familiar scream that calls her name.
Berrypaw, Brightnose thinks with a start. Her stomach does flips as she searches for her sister, but she's nowhere to be found.
"You're weak," the rogue spits, and it's as if he's saying it right in Brightnose's ear. Hissing with rage, she lunges forward to fight him, but her claws don't even pierce his skin, grabbing only pawfuls of fur as he easily overpowers her. "Admit it."
"I…" Brightnose shrinks back, and although she wants to scream, nothing comes out. The rogue's lip curls in a satisfied smirk, and in an instant, his claws are slashing across her face.

Gasping, Brightnose lurches into a sitting position within her nest. She's… in the warriors' den. Despite it feeling so real, it had all just been a dream…
She decides to get up for a while. She'll never fall back asleep with her heart pounding in her chest like this, and even if she could, she's not sure she wants to. Her sister's scream echoes in her ears, and she shakes her head in an attempt to get it out as she rises to her paws.
Her walk across camp is more of a hobble, since she has to avoid putting too much weight on her injured paw while it heals. Normally she'd go hunting to clear her mind, but now… Brightnose sits just outside of camp, staring up at the stars with a blank expression as the sting of tears fills her eyes. It's true, isn't it? She is weak. If that battle had continued at the border, she would have become a liability, not a helpful aid. Maybe... maybe it's time to stop pretending that she could ever be anything else.

now i will tell you what i've done for you

fifty thousand tears i've cried

• ooc: @Quailstep
• "speaking" | thinking | action

 

[Quailstep Quailstep]

​

QUAILSTEP

Quailstep had been sleepless since the cats of her Clan returned from the battle with ThunderClan. Regret, guilt, and fear swirled into a dangerous cocktail in her mind, and she'd been beating herself up over it since that moment Hawkstar left the camp. Shouldn't she have gone along with the others? Raced alongside her leader, been out in the first place to stumble across the battle?

Her ears echoed with unheard screams. When her friends and fellow Clanmates had returned with wounds and padded to Swallowbreeze's den in search of herbs and care, her heart had torn in two. They had stayed behind, following their king's orders, and thankfully no harm had come to the vulnerable of the Clan. But perhaps if she'd been there... The wounds would not have been so severe. Another body for ThunderClan to contend with.

It was due to these spiraling, illogical thoughts that Quailstep had been suffering from fitful sleep the past few days. Therefore, when she noticed Brightnose's retreat from the den, her face twisted in an unknowable expression, Quailstep took the opportunity to follow. Brightnose had stopped just at the edge of camp, and quietly, Quailstep sat beside her, following her gaze to the stars.

Was this what you wanted for us? She asked their ancestors in silence. Have we not suffered enough?

"Injury bothering you?" she asked Brightnose, her voice quiet so as not to her companion or wake the others in camp.

Tagging

@brightnose!

SPEECH

THOUGHTS

 

[brightnose!'s icon brightnose! brightnose!]

BRIGHTNOSE ──

skyclan | warrior

​

Brightnose doesn't look Quailstep's way when she sits next to her, merely flicking her tail in greeting and putting on a soft smile that doesn't reach her eyes. She resists the urge to chuff at the older warrior's question despite appreciating her concern. "Something like that."

As she continues to stare up at Silverpelt, she wonders if they're all staring back down at her. Do the stars twinkle with admiration at the warrior that looks at them now? Or maybe...
"Do you think StarClan would be proud of me?" she asks suddenly. She hadn't even meant to say it out loud, and she can feel the tips of her ears burn with embarrassment. Still, she watches Quailstep through the corner of her eye as she continues. "I mean, I guess they would. It's just... I-I don't know. I'm not... a very good warrior, I think." Brightnose's voice begins to crack, and she snaps her mouth shut before it can turn into a sob, instead sniffling in a failed attempt to seem indifferent. She immediately regrets saying it; I shouldn't be showing signs of vulnerability. What if it makes me look weaker than I already seem? Especially to a warrior like Quailstep... I'm such a mouse-brain... She internally cringes. She's never wanted to make herself look bad in front of her more experienced Clanmates, but she's grown especially friendly with Quailstep the past few moons, and she didn't want to have that ruined so soon.

now i will tell you what i've done for you

fifty thousand tears i've cried

• ooc:
• "speaking" | thinking | action

 

[Quailstep Quailstep]

​

QUAILSTEP

They offer a quiet "hm" at the response. There was no wince of pain when her companion spoke - none physical, anyhow. The injury's presence wasn't the issue then. As she's about to ask what the matter is, Brightnose speaks.

Oh. Oh, Brightnose.

Quailstep hears the intake of breath after her confession and presses her pelt against the younger cat's, breathing in slow and calm.

"Why would you think you're not a good warrior?" she asked softly. "If anything, I've been... Well, when you and Flowercloud came back... All I could think about was how I should have been there. How I should have helped you. Instead I was back here, doing what? Preparing for an invasion that never came!" Her body shakes, paws digging into the soft ground.

"While everyone was out there fighting... I couldn't help but think... what if my friends had died out there? What if something happened to you and I could have prevented it if I hadn't... If I hadn't stayed behind. Sure, I was following orders, but..." Her eyes look back up to the stars, glimmering with the threat of tears.

"I admire your bravery, Brightnose," she mewed. "I kinda envy it, actually." It wasn't just talk, either. Brightnose was young, and already she'd fought dearly to defend their Clan's borders. To defend their way of life. While it was mere chance that Quailstep hadn't been there to help for any of these skirmishes, her confidence in her skills as a warrior had been shaken. And once more, she realized how changed she'd become since the gorge. Quailstep wasn't certain she liked this new her, even if it seemed Brightnose didn't mind her company.

Tagging

SPEECH

THOUGHTS

 

[brightnose!'s icon brightnose! brightnose!]

BRIGHTNOSE ──

skyclan | warrior

​

When Quailstep presses her pelt against Brightnose, she leans into it without much thought, eager to accept the feeling of comfort that washes over her despite her unwillingness to admit that. She looks to her Clanmate as she speaks; concern befalls her features as Quailstep begins to shake.
"Sure, I was following orders, but…"
Brightnose shakes her head, gently draping her tail across Quailstep's back. "It's okay - we all survived, and you were following Hawkstar's command just as any loyal warrior of SkyClan should. I… understand how you feel, though. About the need to protect those you care about." She pauses for a few moments, glancing down at her injured paw that is now mindlessly tracing shapes in the dirt. No wonder it won't stop aching - she can't sit still even when she tries.
"Honestly? If it really had come down to it, and ThunderClan had invaded our camp, I would have found relief in the fact that you were here protecting it. You're strong, capable… the kind of warrior I want to be." She says the last part quieter than the rest, though she knows Quailstep can hear it just as well with how close they are. She tries to shove her embarrassment to the back of her mind - It's normal to look up to the more experienced warriors… even though saying it out loud makes me feel like a kit.

Brightnose's shyness quickly disappears, however, when Quailstep compliments her bravery - says that they envy it, even. A bit taken aback, she blinks as her pupils dilate slightly, unable to hide the way a small smile tugs at her maw. "Really?" she asks. A compliment, not only from a warrior with several moons of experience on her, but one that she calls a friend. "Thank you… that means a lot, coming from you."
Feeling a bit more comfortable now, Brightnose gazes up at Silverpelt once more. "Hm… I think I'm just now realizing - that was my first real fight since earning my full name," she thinks aloud. "I wasn't really thinking about it at the time… I just saw my Clanmates fighting, and I thought of what had happened to Rosebelly. I didn't want to lose another Clanmate to ThunderClan. It reminded me of… of when…" she swallows thickly, willing the words to leave her mouth. "Of when my sister died, and I couldn't protect her." Her eyes flick from star to star in the night sky - which one is Berrypaw, she wonders?
"I changed after that. A lot. It was almost like I died, too. I guess a big part of me did, because I felt like I was nothing without her." This was partially still true; despite the seasons having gone nearly a full cycle since her sister had gone to StarClan, Brightnose felt more like a ghost than a living cat most of the time. Always lurking in corners, silent, as if waiting for something that will never come.

"S-sorry," she stammers suddenly, "I didn't mean to go on and on like that. I just, um. Well. Thank you." For what, Brightnose doesn't say; she's not even sure if she knows how to put into words what Quailstep's friendship has done for her. After all this time, she feels as though she has something to lose again - and it's scary, but it's beautiful. It makes her feel alive. Brightnose hopes they know that she'd protect them to her dying breath if she had to, even if she's too shy to say it. She owes it to her fellow warrior for breaking her out of this shell she'd trapped herself in.

now i will tell you what i've done for you

fifty thousand tears i've cried

• ooc:
• "speaking" | thinking | action

 

[Quailstep Quailstep]

​

QUAILSTEP

What a pair we make, huh? Quailstep thought as both warriors spilled their feelings, laying it all out in the open.

They pressed closer at the mention of Berrypaw, recalling the loss of the young apprentice on their journey. While Quailstep had grieved with the rest of the Clan, she'd not realized until now how much the death of her sister had closed Brightnose off to others. And hearing that Brightnose looked up to Quailstep? It was funny, wasn't it? How they each had admired something about the other, without realizing the hurt and fear that lay just beneath the surface. How each of them was so desperate to protect what they cared about. While Quailstep hadn't known the loss of a sibling and couldn't know the depths of Brightnose's pain, she knew loss and pain. It could cut someone off entirely, and being alone... well, there was a reason they lived in a Clan. It was better together.

"You don't need to apologize," she insisted, curling her tail with Brightnose's. "It means a lot - more than you realize - to know that you feel you can rely on me. Maybe... we can try harder to rely on each other from now on."

Tagging

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[brightnose!'s icon brightnose! brightnose!]

BRIGHTNOSE ──

skyclan | warrior

​

Brightnose purrs softly as Quailstep's tail finds hers, and they curl together as she nods.
"Yes… I think that would be nice." A small, misty-eyed smile appears on her face as she lets silence fall between them for a little while, relishing in this feeling of safety that she hadn't felt in a long time. Someone to rely on, she thinks to herself. I convinced myself I don't need it, but… it would definitely make my life easier. And if Quailstep is trying, too… then I owe it to her to try just as hard.

Her gaze is turned away from Silverpelt now, in favor of the treeline of the territory. Birds are beginning to sing with the rise of the sun, which has just barely begun to peek over the horizon in streaks of light that cut through the darkness. The sight of it, paired with the warmth of her Clanmate at her side, makes her yawn. She'd hardly slept overnight, and her tired bones beckon her to her nest. But not yet. Just… a few minutes more, here, with her friend, watching the sun rise. Moments like these, she suddenly remembers, is why she'd always been so grateful to be part of a Clan when she was younger. Silently, she promises Berrypaw that she won't ever let herself get so closed off from the warmth of companionship again. Her sister wouldn't have wanted her to be so miserable for so long; it's about time she started making up for that, one step at a time.

now i will tell you what i've done for you

fifty thousand tears i've cried

• ooc:
• "speaking" | thinking | action