Camp RiverClan REGRETS COLLECT LIKE OLD FRIENDS ☾⋆⁺₊ ADDER

[Crescentpaw]

"What in the seashell is a StarClan?" Crescent tries to embody Adder as he speaks to his littermate, at least attempting to embody the Adder that he sees. Someone strong, a little scary but not in the bad way at all, and right now someone upset. He really plays it up too in this game of pretend, puffing out his chest as he stands in Rush's personal bubble but no matter how disgruntled and dissatisfied he pitched his tone to be his grin gave away the game. Realising his mistake he shook his head, trying to once again really put on a show with a dramatic frown. It hadn't been easy but Crescent had managed to make a winning case for why she should get to play their da in this game while Rush played Pike. What else were they supposed to do while waiting? If he can't explore he might as well re-enact. "Who put you in charge anyways? They must have been out of their mind!" he declares with a huff, the words weren't exact but she's pretty sure she got it right.

Unsure of what he should do next since this was intended to be a faithful game of pretend her ears dropped. Then deciding to turn around with a huff, as if to signal the end of the game. With a playful twitch of her tail she turns back to her littermate with a bubbling laugh, only to catch the slightest glimpse of Adder. He must have returned! "Da!" He cheers and bounds up to his side, the kit has grown over the moons, a sign of this so-called apprenticeship being on the near horizon. Long strands of fur tickle against Adders fur as he bumps her head against his shoulder in greeting.

"Did you see me! Did I do a good job at being you?" Large, round pink eyes seek appraisal. It wasn't the most accurate betrayal but it was full of passion so clearly it was a good enough job! "What does what in the seashell mean anyways?" Now that he was back she could finally get some answers around here.

@Adderfang

 

[Adderfang]

Things had been more than awkward since Pike's return. No matter how much Adder tried to go about his day, his thoughts kept circling back to what happened. He needed to address it—to lay everything out in the open—but he hadn't found the courage yet. If it were Wave, he'd skulk off, find a stone, and place it at her paws to show her that he was sorry and open them up to a conversation. But how was he supposed to do that for Pike? The tom really liked his rocks, but a damn rock wasn't going to fix this.

So, instead, he did what he always did to get his mind straight. Kept himself busy.

Returning from the river, he tossed his catch onto the pile, rolling his sore shoulders. His muscles ached, his eyes burned with exhaustion, and just as he let out a breath, thinking he could get through the evening without issue. But then he walked in on Crescent, acting out a scene, spitting back fragments of what he said to Pike that day.

Adder stiffened, his ears flicking back. The ripples of his mistakes were everywhere, staring him in the face. He really muddied up the water this time.

He barely had time to dwell on it before Crescent turned, beaming at him. Adder froze in place, paws suddenly rooted to the ground.

Still, the excitement in which Cres greets him makes Adder smile. He bumped her back affectionately, huffing a breath through his nose, a crackly purr rumbling in his chest. She didn't mean any harm. Cres was only repeating what she had been taught.

And that was exactly the problem.

Everything he did, every choice he made, was an example for them. And what had he taught them? That it was okay to vent your frustrations on others? That if something didn't go your way, you could blow up and say hurtful things that you couldn't take back?

Besides, he did not want her to use seashell that way again. Lord forbid he replace that word with what Adder actually meant to say.

Then he looked up at him with those bright, hopeful eyes, and he knew he was doomed. How was he supposed to explain this? Adder didn't want to say the wrong thing and hurt her feelings, but he also couldn't let her think this was acceptable.

"I… You, uh, certainly sounded a lot like me," He admits, chuckling uneasily. "For a second, I thought I was looking into a clear pool of water."

And then there he was repeating that sentence again. Oh, stars preserve me.

"It's a word… that's used for… uh, something else that you shouldn't repeat," He grasped for the right words, fumbling like a kit sifting through a haystack. "I shouldn't have used seashell like that. You shouldn't either, okay?"

Seashell! Seashell! Seashell! Where was Wave when he needed her?

Adder's eyes darted around, desperate for backup, but no such luck. He would have to handle this on his own.

He exhaled softly, then looked down at Crescent, something gentler settling in his expression. He doesn't want either of his kits to end up as hot-headed as he used to be. There were many traits of his he hoped they inherited, but that was not one of them. Adder had done his best to change that part of himself over the moons. Finally meeting Wave had hardened his resolve to do so.

He eased back onto his haunches, settling in for what would likely be a difficult talk. "Crescent…" He ruffled her fur with a paw before gesturing for her to sit. "You know what I said to Pike was wrong, right? That you should never say things like that to anyone—especially not when you're angry?"

___________________ There wasn't a wrong or a right he could choose 𓆟 He did what he had to do ________________

• "speech" - thoughts
  

• 

• Adderfang he/him & riverclan
  𓆟 Chocolate ticked tabby w/ amber eyes. Peppered with scars. Deep gash across the right side of his face exposing one canine slightly. Missing left ear.
  𓆟 Deep gravelly voice that might unsettle others.
  𓆟 Would and will kill a man.
  𓆟 Peaceful and healing powerplay permitted. For other powerplays, DM.
  𓆟 Fur smells faintly of river reeds and damp earth.
  
  
  penned by Scarlet​

 

[Crescentpaw]

The uneasy tone of his da is something that is easily washed away in the pride Crescent feels over the fact that he was in fact doing a good job! "I don't know how to make my voice all tough like yours so I tried to growl! It hurts a lot though, how come your voice isn't so sore all the time?" She chatters away in excitement, the frustration of her adolescent tone not reaching the depths her da can but that's okay! Surely that just means that he has something to look forward to when he's older. Crescent looks towards Adder like he himself had put the stars in the sky, in a way the old tom always has to his kin. Making sure they're safe, the fact that he was even so involved in finding this territory to begin with makes him cooler than anyone else, even Pike. Though she can't help but wonder if that's not something she's allowed to think since he's supposed to be in charge now?

Crescent is ignorant to his turmoil, not until the etchings of a gentle reprimand is laid out belly up between the pair of them. "What? Why not?" He huffs in confusion, the rebellion that takes place at moons such as these being sowed. His opinion of his da is still held strong but the albino child can feel something defiant within, if it's such a bad thing to say then why did he even say it to begin with? Tufted ears flicker as she stares up at the scarred warrior, someone who has seen his fair share of hardships. Words like this shouldn't be enough to rattle someone so strong, right? "So then... why did you say it?" Crescent can be stubborn when she puts her mind to it, very rarely he does.

He's met with a pout, one that wavers at the gentle expression in Adder's eyes. His resolve wouldn't be so weakened though, even if she looked rather childish doing so. There's a rather undignified squeak of protest as the fur atop his head is ruffled, though it's clear that he doesn't actually mind it since he doesn't struggle to try and move away. With another huff he scoots to sit next to Adder, licking her paw to straighten out the now tussled strands. "How's it wrong?" It's a problem that she just can't see the solution for, Adder has always been a hero in her mind and she doesn't truly understand that he could be wrong because of it. "You're right, this is confusing" Youthful ignorance is bliss, it's easy to boil all of the layers behind his da's explosion into a simple label like confusion. Ever the faithful child and the impressionable sort she absorbed his feelings like a sponge, any confusion she held had been long forgotten to focus on anothers.

There's a beat of silence, one of careful contemplation before he relents again. "So then what should you do if you're angry?" It isn't something that he's personally felt a lot, either the hot headed blood of Adder skipped her or it laid dormant. She's been frustrated before, sure, but in her lifetime she hasn't truly found much to be angry about. Maybe one time when Rush had accidentally kicked sand into her eyes but that was met with tears rather than scathing words.

 

[Adderfang]

Adder looked into those eyes, and he saw a kit trying to find their own way in the world. Trying to learn—to understand—well as make decisions for themselves. He sees a bit of Wave in there, maybe even a bit of himself.

But there was also a pang in his chest, the realization hitting him that the day she would no longer need his guidance was approaching sooner than he hoped. He knew that one day he would look up, and they would be grown. Even now the support he provided was lesser by the day.

"Because…" He took a breath—steadying himself but also considering his next words carefully. "I… was mad... and... frustrated with Pike."

His tail swayed, drawing idle lines in the sandy dirt. He tried to foresee the impact that his words would leave now, but try as he might, he could not plot the future.

As Crescent settled beside him, Adder curled his tail around him. He didn't know how many more times they would get to sit like this. He hoped a good many yet.

"I said it because of a lot of things. But mostly because I was scared and confused. We'd been through a lot—the shed collapsing, almost losing your Ma and Rush." He frowns, "Then Pike was saying a whole lot I didn't understand. He meant well, but I didn't see that at the time."

It wasn't easy to admit, especially not to his kit, but it needed to be said. Expectations need to be laid, not only for himself but for Crescent. No cat was infallible, especially him. He made mistakes, just like any cat. As much as he wanted his kits to look up to him—Adder did not want to do so by being dishonest. No matter how much he wished he could be everything they wanted him to be.

"It was wrong," Adder hopes he's doing alright. That he's being a good father. Little time as he's been one, he can't know for sure if he's doing right by saying all this, or just making it worse. "Because the things I said hurt Pike. They were cruel, and I didn't stop to think how he would feel hearing them. I only thought of myself."

Crescent was struggling, and he was not surprised. It was a difficult thing to understand, as a great many things in life were. Adder sighs, looking down with a small frown. He's not disappointed in her, but in himself. "I know, minnow," He murmurs. "Your ma's better at this stuff than I am, but I'm tryin'."

Easing onto his forepaws, he laid down, so he was closer to Crescent's level. "When you get mad, take a big ol' gulp of air," He pokes Crescent's cheek with a paw, giving her a soft smile.

"And If you're so angry that it feels like your bloods boilin' and you're thinking mean…" Adder let the words hang, just to make the next ones stuck. "Try to imagine how you'd feel if someone said those words to you. And sometimes—it's okay to walk away. Let those feelings settle before you go and open your mouth."

He had learned that lesson the hard way. "When I was a little older than you, I used to say all kinds of mean things to my Pa when I was angry with him." Suddenly his words feel thick, clogging his throat, muddying his eyes with regret. "Things I think about now that he's gone—and really wish I hadn't."

Pa had been harsh on all of them, but back then, it had always felt like the old tom was hardest on him. And every time, no matter how small the argument was, Adder had always lashed out with fire and stone. "Might not seem like much, but mean words can cut just as deep as claws. You just can't see the marks they leave. Especially when they're used against people we care about." He chases the shadows from his face with a smile.

Then one day he said something crueler than all the other times. He could still remember the look in his Pa's eyes—the hurt. They never spoke of it. He'd been too stubborn then to say what needed to be said and now that he'd grown and Pa had disappeared… he'd never get to.

___________________ There wasn't a wrong or a right he could choose 𓆟 He did what he had to do ________________

• "speech" - thoughts
  
  

• 

• Adderfang he/him & riverclan
  𓆟 Chocolate ticked tabby w/ amber eyes. Peppered with scars. Deep gash across the right side of his face exposing one canine slightly. Missing left ear.
  𓆟 Deep gravelly voice that might unsettle others.
  𓆟 Would and will kill a man.
  𓆟 Peaceful and healing powerplay permitted. For other powerplays, DM.
  𓆟 Fur smells faintly of river reeds and damp earth.
  
  
  penned by Scarlet​

 

[Crescentpaw]

The reality that Adder gives him is rather sobering, a gravity held behind his words that practically sink her heart. Is it disappointment she feels? He supposes so, fore-paws pressed tightly together as he tries to make himself smaller within the warmth of his da. He too hopes there's more moments to come where they can spend time together like this, it is a subconcious want as to why he presses himself together to be a little smaller. To still fool himself into thinking she's a kit instead of whatever it is that he's meant to be now, and whatever that means for the moons to come. The reminder that ma and Rush were nearly taken from them causes Crescent to hide his face against the sleek chocolate fur of his da's leg, somehow managing to brush his head against the non-scarred one. There will be no difference in texture to remind him that the tom must have been nearly lost before too to earn it. "So even if you mean them you shouldn't say it? Because it hurts others?" Crescent is pretty sure she's understanding what he means, as confusing as the older cat is being.

Cryptic is not a word to describe Adder, and he certainly isn't being that right this moment but it's the closest thing that the albino cat can really think of. In their confusion he moves his head to look up at Adder, taking note of the frown that comes as a direct consequence of her voicing her confusion. While it wasn't meant to be a sign of disappointment in Crescent she takes it as such. The pale child makes a point to remember that frown, bringing that up had seemed to upset him so she didn't want to do it again in the future. "I know you're tryin'" she murmurs with a small huff of his own, a pitiful sigh but it was rare for him to do it regardless. He wouldn't deny that Wave was better at this, though if she didn't want to hear his da out by now he would have moved away. She hopes he knows the fact she hasn't meant that she was at least happy enough to listen.

Know when to walk away, that's the main take away she takes from his lessons. When feeling really mad at someone like he was at Pike then just... take a deep breath and leave. That sounded reasonable enough, though there's that little worm of doubt that worries that these actions would cause just as much confusion and anger for whoever she was upset with. He decides to not bring it up though, why pester him with the what ifs? "Is that you don't say harsh things anymore?" There's a long pause as a stray claw picks at a thin weed underneath. "What was your pa like?" He hears snippets, though Crescent can't help but wonder if maybe with each moon he grows he would be deemed mature enough to learn just that little bit more.

He knocks his head gently against Adders leg again, peering up at him with those same wide pink eyes. Though this time it is less of a frantic gaze, something a little closer to that contentment he usually carries. "Love you da" his gaze flickers to something closer to worry before continuing. "I still think that you're great" he's unsure if he thinks that himself, too selfish in a manner of just focusing on how she herself feels at any point.

 

[Adderfang]

He hated bringing up that night again. As he spoke, he could see the damage it left behind—the way Crescent shrank against him, pressing closer, as if trying to make himself smaller. He couldn't take that pain away, couldn't erase the uncertainty she carried.

Adderfang leaned in, pressing close in turn, offering what comfort he could. "Yes, exactly."

The relief lays on thick. Something he had said had gotten through. It was enough to ease some of his own worries. This was all new to him. He had never been a father before. Some days, he wished his Pa were still around so he could ask. But then he remembered that even if Dusk were around, he would be just as lost as Adder was. Feeling and explaining things in a gentle way were never Dusk's strong suit, and he was even worse at it. In that way, he was doing something his Pa never could.

Still, he can't be sure what Crescent is taking from all this. Kits picked up on the smallest things, twisted them in ways he couldn't predict. He hoped—with his whole heart—that this would be a lesson for the better.

"That's right." He's only restating what's already been said, but it's not the full truth. It was a constant effort, learning to hold his tongue, learning to soften his edges. But Adderfang wanted to be the kind of tom who deserved to stand beside Wave. A sharp tongue and a hard heart wouldn't serve him here… not as a mate or a father. He wanted to give Crescent and Rush what his Pa couldn't. For every virtue Dusk had—his duty to his family, strength, honesty—there are many flaws. Adderfang tries every day to remember how he grew up and to try to give his kits something better.

"My Pa was…" He searched for the right words. So many things came to mind—not all of them good. But despite the fights, the harshness of how they were raised, he loved his father. And even if it had been difficult to see at the time, he knew now—Dusk had loved him too.

"He was tough as a badger. Smart too. Knew a lot of things." He said finally, "But he could be hard on us. Now that I'm grown, I realize it wasn't just to be mean. Things were tough where I grew up, and he had to make sure we could take care of ourselves" The ache in his ribs wedged itself deeper, settling in a place he had long since grown used to. "He would've been so proud of you and Rush." Adder's voice was quieter now, softer. "I wish you could have met him."

A gentle bump against his leg snapped him back to the present. He looked down just as Crescent spoke. The words sent warmth curling through his chest. A smile crawls back up his face. His eyes sting just a little to hear those words said to him—to know that at least he's doing something right.

"Love you too, minnow." The tom leans down and lightly rests his chin over Crescent's head, purr rumbling loudly in his throat. "Even if you ever decide I'm the absolute worst one day, I'll still love you then too." Nothin' would ever change that. "I might not be as good at talking as your ma, but you can come to me if you're confused about anything. Or, if you don't want me talkin', I can listen. I'm better at that." He chuckles softly.

___________________ There wasn't a wrong or a right he could choose 𓆟 He did what he had to do ________________

• "speech" - thoughts
  
  

• 

• Adderfang he/him & riverclan
  𓆟 Chocolate ticked tabby w/ amber eyes. Peppered with scars. Deep gash across the right side of his face exposing one canine slightly. Missing left ear.
  𓆟 Deep gravelly voice that might unsettle others.
  𓆟 Would and will kill a man.
  𓆟 Peaceful and healing powerplay permitted. For other powerplays, DM.
  𓆟 Fur smells faintly of river reeds and damp earth.
  
  
  penned by Scarlet​