Camp ShadowClan silent comfort // stoat

[Tickpaw Tickpaw]

When you're lost in the universe, lost in the universe, don't lose faith
My mother says, "Your whole life's in the paws of the Stars"

.

Tickpaw moved silently through camp, his orange eyes locked onto a flash of white ahead, striking, familiar. Not dark like most of ShadowClan's pelts. It stood out. She stood out. " Stoat. " he called, his voice low but firm as he padded closer. He dropped down beside her with a soft thud, shoulder brushing hers in a quiet greeting. " Hey, Stoat. " he repeated, head tilting slightly, a small frown pulling at his scarred features. He'd seen it, how shaken she looked when the patrol returned. RiverClan. A heist, a clash, whatever it was, it hadn't been clean. Tickpaw didn't know RiverClan well, barely gave them much thought, but whatever happened had clearly left its mark.

His torn ear twitched as he studied her face, gauging the flickers of emotion she didn't try hard to hide. After a pause, he gave her cheek a gentle nudge with his nose, something rare and quiet, just between them. " You okay? " he asked, voice simple and steady, earnest, not demanding. He already knew the answer. But sometimes, asking straight was the only way to offer room for honesty.

Speech, thoughts/emphasis

10 MOONS

𖧧

SHADOWCLANNER

𖧧

SONG

𖧧

bio

 

[Stoatpaw Stoatpaw]

——————————————— Together, we'll make our way home ✦

Things had been much the same these last few days. An absence. Like Stoatpaw was barely present in conversations unless it was something quiet, where she could allow herself to spill her mind. Instead, perched in the camp, she steeled herself; too many cats had seen too much of her weakness. Too many cats knew her weaknesses. She had spent so many moons becoming something stronger, something that didn't need to be coddled. And yet it all seemed to fall apart in her paws like leaf litter disintegrating in the rain.

And yet, in a time when everything felt like it was falling apart all around her. Left behind and feeling small. There was some quiet consistency in her life still. The gentle brush of coarse fur at her side, she didn't even have to look to know who it was. The careful nose pressed against her cheek was enough to make her turn to the other, Tickpaw.

She was taken aback by the look in his eyes, where she had gotten mostly pitying looks from her clanmates; there was something instead genuine from the other. Asking if she was okay. Not some prying personal question, nothing that would make her feeler smaller than she had been. But she felt like he actually saw her.

Stoatpaw took a moment, looking away from Tickpaw, thinking. Deciding. He had never looked down on her, treated her weaker nor something delicate. Even now, when she had caused so much grief, he sought to check in on her. She let out a shuddered breath, not letting her shoulders slump quite yet, nor did she look back at Tick as she spoke.

"I... I don't know." She breathed, like some kind of admittance. "I'm not really sure." Stoatpaw shrugged, wrapping her tail around her paws, as if to make herself even smaller. She genuinely wasn't sure, she likely wasn't. She wasn't even sure if she deserved to feel okay for everything she had caused. She alerted Riverclan to the heist, now there was more tension between the clans, and Hollowmist was seriously hurt, and Sablestar was more than upset with her-

"No..." Her voice was nothing but a whisper, like saying it out loud was a crime itself. "No I'm not I-" Sablestar's rage, the fury in his eyes and the scent of blood that clung in the air as she sobbed into Hollowmist's side. The memory alone was enough to make Stoatpaw's throat grow tight. She looked away from Tick, clenching her jaw, refusing to get upset. I-I'm sorry." She shook her head, she didn't get to be upset about her own mess, let alone making her friend bear that weight too.

It felt strange, she wanted to curl up at Tick's side, allow herself some comfort or even vulnerability, but just the idea felt like she was trying to cry her way out of her own mistakes. But it didn't stop the pain that ached in her chest, the one that had kept her awake, which was probably more than evidenced in the exhaustion in her eyes, even steeling herself, it wasn't something she could possibly hide.

——— While you were sleeping,

Everything changed at once. ———

• 
  Stoatpaw
  ✦—Shadowclan apprentice | 9 Moons
  ✦—She/Her
  ✦—"SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK, PAWSPEAK
  ✦—A slender white cat with faint lilac markings and blue eyes.
  #96d5f1/#50BBF0
  
  ⤷ Written by Phoenix ​

 

[Tickpaw Tickpaw]

When you're lost in the universe, lost in the universe, don't lose faith
My mother says, "Your whole life's in the paws of the Stars"

.

Something had happened. Tickpaw didn't need to know every detail to know that much. The way Stoatpaw carried herself, like her paws were dragging more than just her body, like her shoulders bore the full weight of something too big for one cat, he saw it. He noticed things. And this… this was bigger than just the heist. It had been coming, in pieces, long before that patrol. He just hadn't pressed. That wasn't who he was. If she wanted to talk, he'd be here. If not? He'd still be here.

His orange eyes studied her in that quiet way he had, like he was collecting the shape of her feelings without needing her to explain them. She was hurting. Badly. That much was clear. The way she spoke, the tension in her jaw, the apology... the apology hit him harder than he expected. Why did she feel like she owed him an apology? He frowned a little, torn ear flicking once as he shifted where he sat beside her, pressing just slightly closer, letting her feel that quiet, grounding presence he always carried with him.

" You made a call… during that patrol. " His voice was low, soft, but steady. " That's what we do when things get hard. We decide. Flee, fight, freeze. You acted. That's not something to be sorry for. " He paused, letting his words breathe in the silence. Letting her breathe. " You don't need to apologize to me. " he added, glancing at her with calm conviction. " I'm your friend, Stoat. That doesn't change just because you're having a hard time. "

He tilted himself a bit more, just enough so his fur brushed hers, the weight of him subtle but intentional. Reassuring. There. " If something's clawing at you from the inside… you don't have to carry it alone, " he murmured. " You're strong. I know that. But even the strongest cats crack if they never let it out. " A breath passed, slow and even. His tail gave a light flick behind him. " Talk, scream, cry, or just sit here and say nothing at all. I'm not going anywhere. "

His eyes flicked toward her again, softer this time. " Whatever's in your chest... let it out before it eats you alive. "

Speech, thoughts/emphasis

10 MOONS

𖧧

SHADOWCLANNER

𖧧

SONG

𖧧

bio

 

[Stoatpaw Stoatpaw]

——————————————— Together, we'll make our way home ✦

She allowed herself silence, instead watching Tickpaw talk through exhausted eyes that desperately steeled tears. Stoatpaw had cried far too much as of late; she refused to allow further tears to spill, but instead allowed herself to relax. Maybe for just a moment.

For a moment, she froze up, glancing away before letting out a shuddery breath. "I-I did, I guess. I did exactly what Cicadabuzz told us and yet..." She absently began to pick at her own paw, her ever-present nervous tick that she could never seem to shake. "...and yet I feel awful. You saw how hurt Hollowmist is, cause of me." Stoatpaw's voice cracked, her guilt leaking through every word. She shook her head, face knit with something almost unreadable. "I fled, but everything feels worse off for it, I can't look at Hollow without feeling guilty. I-I didn't attack it, but I'll never forgive myself if they don't recover." She pressed her eyes shut, hard, trying to block out her own thoughts.

Stoatpaw felt Tickpaw's fur pressed against her own, if only lightly. She couldn't help but lean in kind of against him; it was a comforting sort of presence. He always had been. She was more than grateful for his kindness and reassurance. Tick had always been a dear friend to her, but even so, detailing her own mind, every last thing that raced through her mind in the wake of her mistakes? It was far too daunting for her to handle. The ivory apprentice's face screwed up, he was right though. Realistically, she didn't have to shoulder this all alone, but it was all she knew. She had spent so many moons refusing to be reliant on any cat for the sake of not being coddled, but even now, it meant she didn't even feel like she could rely on anyone emotionally.

Just the thought, the realisation, tightened her throat. Stoatpaw didn't know what to do, so she rested her head heavier against Tickpaw, breathing out slowly like she permitted the tension in her form to die down. Her maw parted, like words tried to fall out, but there was nothing for a while. Until. "I'm scared, Tick." It was spoked like an admission. The first of her clan to hear the fact. She had spoken with... A new friend, one she had been able to rely on. She poured her heart out to expect to never see him again, and yet she promised to see him again.

So, here beside Tick, she allowed that vulnerability again. He was a safe cat, he always had been, but she was still fearful to speak too much, lest the rest of the clan hear any bit of it. She breathed shakily, allowing herself to continue. "I'd never seen Sablestar so upset, I did what I thought was right, and I got punished for it. I-I hate I was part of that raid, and yet I did everything I was meant to." Stoatpaw shook her head, pushing away from Tickpaw and standing to her paws, like she was going to pace about. Though her eyes flickered around, nervous that anyone might be listening in.

She swallowed hard again, trying to steady herself and keep her voice as quiet as she could. "How am I meant to be a warrior, a good warrior when anything I do is either undermined or punished..." Stoatpaw's voice grew almost desperate, trying to maintain her calm visage, but it faltered the more she talked. "I can barely even fight, how am I ever going to prove to be a worthy warrior when I'm useless to the clan." Her voice cracked again, but this time she couldn't have steeled the tears if she tried; this was something else that had hung over her. Something that had been stewing far longer than the Riverclan heist. It was made all the more clear as Stoatpaw hiccupped, turning away from Tickpaw in a feeble attempt to hide her tears.

——— While you were sleeping,

Everything changed at once. ———

• 
  Stoatpaw
  ✦—Shadowclan apprentice | 9 Moons
  ✦—She/Her
  ✦—"SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK, PAWSPEAK
  ✦—A slender white cat with faint lilac markings and blue eyes.
  #96d5f1/#50BBF0
  
  ⤷ Written by Phoenix ​