Private so much more ──✩°｡⋆⸜ hazel

[juniperstar juniperstar]

juniper

kittens chew on their tails if they're nervous enough... bite at their claws out of anxiousness... it feels like that old, childish feeling again. the urge to bury oneself in the soft fur of their mother's underbelly and wait for the scary thing to pass. but her mother had died seasons ago so the only soft furs left to hide in are what little kin yet remains... a nagging whisper says that Hazel must hate her- that it is Sable's fault her mate is dead and what shared grief they had in calling Bracken little brother would not absolve them of it. still... still they crawl towards her like a kit waiting to be scolded, tail tucked between her legs and uncertain.

"Hazel...?"

tentative... careful... but barely withholding herself should the slightest hint of an opening to crumble be made available. Juniperstar had so many questions to ask of her... so many apologies to flood her with. but nothing felt certain anymore... like every relationship she'd ever formed could be snipped cleanly and ended just as quickly as Thornstar's last breath. "I didn't know..." her mew is soft, resigned to the way her ignorance of Sable's frustrations had resulted in so much bloodshed- why he'd chosen violence to see this end she couldn't understand. could they not just have gone separate ways peacefully? what purpose was there in slaughtering his mate's own kin? her best friend?

"Is it my fault...?"

──✩°｡⋆⸜ ✮

• juniperstar leader of thunderclan nine lives remain

  ignore me

 

[hazelheart hazelheart]

(🜲) grief hollows the eyes of the earthen molly as she lays in despondent horror near the edge of thunderclan's new camp. the woman had assisted with her mate's burial, had tended to her children, groomed them to fitful sleep, had helped harrier to serpent's capable paws, and then she had collapsed. it is here she remains, through the time it had taken for hawthorne - thornstar - to become a ghost, for juniper to become juniperstar. her fur is matted with crimson, her newly cut lip scabbed over but not yet seen to by serpent. hazel has lost herself. she huddles in the cold and thinks of bracken only. come back to me, she had told him. he had broken that promise, but she cannot fault him for it. her rage and sorrow stew together, forming sharp loathing, a burning flame beneath her lungs. there is a desperation to hunt down sable, tear him limb from limb, and then find the foxheart who had stolen her mate from her. sable had been her friend! they'd joked together mere days ago. now... now he is anything but.

a low growl rumbles hazel's throat as pawsteps approach. tail thwapping against the earth, she closes golden eyes to the world, hunching in on herself. no clanmate could make her rise from her chosen spot, not even her own children, who slumber fitfully in newly built dens. the sweet scent of someone she has come to know as a sister reaches her nose. hazel opens her eyes, bloodshot, and hiccups a small cough. "juni," she croaks, and winces at the sound of her own voice. tail uncurling from her tightened body, the thunderclan warrior blinks at her friend. the chocolate molly slinks towards her like a kit, ears flat, eyes wide and beseeching. hazel furrows her brow, meeting evergreen with sunshine, worry glowing there. "of course you didn't, darling." brows furrow, hefty body opening up to gather the newly dubbed leader to her. somehow, in comforting her sister-in-law, she feels her own heart begin to relax.

"is it my fault?" the spotted woman asks, and hazel hates that she has to think about it. is it her fault, the queen wife to the traitor usurper? the woman hadn't known of her mate's plot, or if she had, hadn't fought beside him. the stars had accepted her as their new champion. and that may be enough for me, hazel thinks. pressing her cheek to the woman's own, she breathes.

"it was no one's fault but that tom and his group. and hunger. leaf-bare." she refuses to say the skunk-hued tomcat's name. "not yours. never yours, juni. juniperstar." pulling away, she gazes into the other's eyes, deadly serious, deadly loving.

I NEED MY GOLDEN CROWN OF SORROW 🜲 MY BLOODY SWORD TO SWING

• // " #b8a300"
• 
• HAZEL 🜲 SHE / HER, WARRIOR OF THUNDERCLAN. 54 MOONS OLD, PENNED BY LAVS
  
  
  a stocky, medium-haired brown tabby with hazel eyes. this is a large cat with a rippling musculature. hazel's frame is wide and tall, shoulders broad, muzzle and eyes heavy in her skull. chestnut and chocolate fur swirl across her pelt, sliced through with tabby stripes of shadow. her eyes invoke images of a sweet summer's day, honey and brown mingling into a soft amber gold

 

[juniperstar juniperstar]

juniper

already her demeanor flares that of the angry love left abandoned... Bracken is not so cruel as to left her willingly, but it seemed a common sentiment amongst her grieving friends to be frustrated... enraptured by fury. to resent the life they'd lost when faced with something as unrelenting as death. she shies at the sound of flaming tongue, only calmed by recognition... only brought to a simmering growl.

still she finds the strength for kindness, the space for gentleness, pulling herself closer. the touch is a welcome comfort, one hungrily accepted where pale-toned muzzle buries itself into woodsy fur. her reassurance feels like fresh rain, the muscles along her spine relaxing as if absolved of a crime. a tip in the scale towards innocence, even if ignorance made some of it her cross to bear.

her nose scrunches, willing herself not to cry with relief- it's only half sweet given the alternative. that it is Sable's fault... his proximity to her only makes it complicated, only makes her that much more certain some of it must be her fault. who better to reign in the foolish antics of a loved one than their mate? one given a chosen forever, rather than kin who were forced into their arrangement? wasn't love supposed to be stronger than his greed?

"I'm so sorry Hazel... I know you must miss him so much. I haven't even... I don't even know how Flame feels... or Chantarelle. I was supposed to keep them safe. Keep you safe... Keep Hawthorne safe...."

what was the point in a leader like that...? one that only ever stood as witness to the aftermath and never the hero?

──✩°｡⋆⸜ ✮

• juniperstar leader of thunderclan nine lives remain

  ignore me