Private Somebody that I couldn't be || quail

[flowercloud]

She hadn't spoken to her friends in a long time. Perhaps they understood, since the journey day by day, the stress was all she felt. The quiet, the little confidence she held gone. She had tried, nervous paws working into the dirt, the worries pushed back- but maybe they held it against her. Maybe in her abyss of thoughts drowning her, she didn't hear them. It had been a long time-

Yet walking beside Quailstep was a reminder of what she failed to keep in the moons. But, today was a bit different. She didn't see the stares when she pulled back through camp that morning, with her fur bright and clean, her eyes distant, but still- it was emanating that something had changed. The deputy took different strides, feeling the weight of her shoulders lighter, as if she let go of a load.

It's been a long time, friend.

"Hey, stay close," she said, voice softer than it had been. "We don't know if the twolegs dragged their mutts with, but we don't wanna find out." It was always good to be careful on this side of the territory. And with all the recent attacks, she didn't want the risk. Her leg throbbed at the thought, but she pushed that away from her mind, inhaling and letting out a soft breath. Small talk was hard, she realized- the social interactions far from her grasp.

"You doing alright lately, Quailstep?" She asked him, green eyes flickering to the other with a soft smile on her lips.

@Quailstep

flowercloud - 36 moons - skyclan deputy - mentoring none

 

[Quailstep Quailstep]

Something about walking with Flowercloud brought back memories. She and the young deputy had been kits, apprentices, young warriors together - and now Hawkstar and StarClan had called her friend onto a path she could not follow (and truthfully, one she did not envy). It was a sort of polite distance they'd kept lately, since the reinstatement of Flowercloud as deputy, though not by any design of their own. Duty and the code kept them from spending time together in the way they once did - frolicking about the gorge and its lands.

Now, they were in a new, unfamiliar land, one they fought hard to make a place in, and life was different. It made Quailstep's head spin at times, the number of new threats their beloved Clan had to be on alert for.

Luckily, despite everything, Flowercloud was still watching out for her.

She shook her head at the mention of the Twolegs and their dogs, nodding solemnly at Flowercloud's remark.

"Yeah," she breathed. "Seems Twolegs are the same everywhere, huh?" She pads a little closer to her companion, only momentarily taken aback at the next question.

"Oh... Yeah, I suppose I'm alright," she answered, huffing a little laugh along with the response. What else do you want me to say? That even I have doubts about our new home? "It's been a lot to adjust to. But I'm sure there's been a lot more on your mind, huh?"

OOC PROFILE

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  SkyClan Warrior
  35 moons || she/they
  SPEECH || THOUGHTS
  

 

[flowercloud]

Flowercloud would definitely say screw the duty if she could, spend time with her clanmates, making sure they were doing alright. She had lost sight of a lot of things lately- had failed to find the path she once walked many times over. To do things like this was beneficial, it kept her tidings good with her clanmates, it kept her aware of things going on that she couldn't see. And hopefully, it kept their spirits up.

That's all the molly cared about. That's all the molly wanted to care about. She didn't want to succumb again to what was in her mind. She didn't want to slip when she finally felt she had a grip. Claws gripped tightly into the edge of the cliff, and she knew it was a metaphor, yet it was the realest one. Because right now, she could finally breathe.

She nods with a small rumble in her chest. "At least that's familiar.." she mumbles softly, a heavy sigh, before quickly trying to move on, embracing the closeness quailstep offered. "It is a lot to get used to. It's still hard for me too you know," she murmured, offering a small smile. "We just gotta take steps forward, we.. can't linger. I lingered too long. I fell off, and-" she cleared her throat, shaking her head. "We gotta move forward at our own pace. This- everything," she gestured with her chin. "Is a big change for everyone." Her voice is soft, quiet, and her mind wanders to Rosebelly all over again. I wanna go home.

Her chest panged, and she took a step, a breath, and then offered Quail a smile. It was different, not the forced smiles, but a genuine smile that laced her lips. "We gotta keep our head up, starclan has their plans- as... Weird as that sounds. Even if they won't tell us," she said.

flowercloud - 36 moons - skyclan deputy - mentoring none

 

[Quailstep Quailstep]

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QUAILSTEP

Quailstep nodded as Flowercloud spoke, heart aching for her friend. They were both still so young, they had so much life ahead of them, and yet... Flowercloud's heart seemed heavy. Heavier than it should be.

"It is a big change," she mewed softly, bumping her head against her friend's in a moment of affection. "But that doesn't mean we have to weather it alone." She kept her steps in time with Flowercloud, careful not to let them linger. Twolegs were Twolegs after all, and dogs even worse so. But she knew that's not the type of lingering that Flowercloud meant. She's quiet, letting the wind rustle their fur, and then at the mention of StarClan she gave a little purr.

"Our ancestors certainly don't fancy giving us any easy way through things," she mused. "But... well, at least they stuck with us after leaving the gorge. Hawkstar and Swallowbreeze seem to have no issues communicating with them, thankfully. And our neighbors, as..." She shuddered. "Ignorant as they may be."

That's the nicest way of putting it.

"Things with you and Hawkstar... they're okay now, right?" It was hard sometimes, to balance her friendly affection for the deputy and her budding romantic feelings towards their leader, especially at the time when the two of them were so at odds with each other.

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[flowercloud]

"Exactly! We have each other. Even if we feel like we have nobody, we've always leaned on each other, and held each other up." Her pawsteps continued, it was a moment of hesitation, before pushing her head back against Quailsteps and keeping in stride. "I forgot about it, to be quite honest." She admitted softly, in a small breath. She had taken the looks as disappointment, as anger, rather than general concern for their friend, for their family- for her. Watching someone who always came off so strong tumble like a tree was no easy feat. And she wondered how many tried to talk to her, only to be ignored. She didn't hear anybody, she had only heard her own inner demons.

"Yeah and unfortunately, they failed to mention things to the other clans as well... But maybe, I don't know. Maybe that's why they had us come here- to show them, to tell them. Not... Like they're really listening. I don't know, I'm not Hawkstar or Coffeestar..." A soft sigh. "Sometimes I wish things were a bit clearer. I miss the gorge. It seemed so easy back then." another admittance. But it was better for them. It would be better, she knew it. It was just different, and they'd have to come to terms with it, or force being left behind. She thought about, momentarily, the clan members they lost. Some had managed to catch up, but the others? They were left behind, trailing. Hawkstar didn't leave room for mistakes... And speaking of.

"I.. am not sure. I mean. If, if we weren't, I wouldn't be a deputy again. You know, I um. I never dreamed of this role, but losing it- it was like, I don't know. I felt like others were disappointed in me. It's never something I like feeling and I just. I want to do better for you guys. I want to do better for skyclan. If for whatever reason Starclan wants these to be where my pawsteps keep guiding me back, then it must be some sort of... Fate? Ugh. I don't know, Quailstep," she said softly, shaking her head. "I just know, I won't let you guys down again. I can't. And Hawkstars.. a difficult cat to read. I respect her, I always have. I care about her, but I care about my clan too, and I know she does as well. But it was like, she was losing sight of who we were. But, I'm glad. She's allowing daylighters again, and, I'm proud of her for it. I don't want to lose her as my friend again, nor you- nor anyone." It was a hard question to unpack, and Flowercloud wasn't even sure where they sat. Hawkstar trusted her enough to repromote her though, right? Even in that devastated state she was in. But... Was that why she promoted her again?

She wouldn't ask. She just hoped that Hawkstar had trusted in her again, it had to be the reason.

flowercloud - 36 moons - skyclan deputy - mentoring none

 

[Quailstep Quailstep]

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QUAILSTEP

The gorge did have its struggles, but Quailstep knew exactly what Flowercloud meant. Those were struggles their ancestors had faced too, ones that tales of old and their code could help them overcome. Here, in this land, they were faced with new struggles that their ancient guides had no pathway, no guideposts for. It was more difficult here than in the gorge.

She listened along as Flowercloud chatted about the relationship with her and Hawkstar, the difficult terrain the two of them tread. But then Flowercloud said something that made Quailstep stop in her tracks.

"Flowercloud," she murmured, pressing her head to her friend's. "You could never let me down. If StarClan and Hawkstar believe you are meant to be our deputy, maybe one day our leader, then I'll stand by your side. If fate has a different path in store for you, my pawsteps will join yours. You're a cat with convictions, and I'd always respected you for that - as deputy and as a fellow warrior." She stood, resolute, making sure to gain her companion's eye contact.

"I'm your friend, Flowercloud. You won't lose me as one, even if StarClan themselves take me to their hunting grounds. No matter what, I have your back." It was a grandiose claim, one that could easily be taken as exaggeration. But Quailstep knew she meant it with all her heart.

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