Private ThunderClan There's no glory in love 𖧧 Juniperstar

[Chanterelleseeker]

If Chanterelleseeker had to attribute anything to herself it was patience, maybe Bracken would have laughed at that but she will never know. So at least now she can attribute patience to herself without laughter. The blue she-cat has been patient as she watches her sisters stomach swell, as moods swing between any given spot on the spectrum. As appetites increase and decrease depending on that mood, she knows what this presumably entails. Any cat with eyes would, yet she doesn't say anything about it. For a vocal she-cat she has been noticeably quiet, judgmental quips are quelled and lightening fast wit is nullified. She feels like a spectre these days, clinging within her sisters shadow whenever she's around, since Juniperstar returned without Hawthorne there has been concern. Since she took her name and fell into the role of leader she has been concerned, not a day goes by where she's not.

"Juniper" she is quiet in her approach, a meager mouse in her jaw trapped within the prison of ivory fangs. She sets the rodent down by the reluctant leaders paws, honeyed eyes always critical in trying to pick apart what she must be feeling in this moment. She's aware that's not her name anymore, old habits die hard and she is reluctant to let go of the echoes of the past. Part of Chanterelleseeker wonders if she thinks the same but she doesn't press the curiosity as uncharacteristic as that is. Her gaze drifts to Juniperstar's stomach, her gaze unreadable since she herself doesn't know how she should be feeling. "You should eat" she comments unaware if she has eaten recently, with a flourish she nudges the mouse a little closer.

"I am sure you are sick of hearing this by now but how are you feeling?" There's weight to the question, both physical and mental health. She dances around the subject of what she truly wants to ask, unsure if she knows her well enough anymore to blatantly ask it like that.

| @juniperstar

 

[juniperstar]

juniper

reforming the identity of those she'd grown up with, witnessed their births, found them stumbling into the colony moons ago.. it's a strange power. the ones that had named these cats had been family, mothers and fathers, those they loved... and now she neatly affixed something new to them with some star-granted authority. was a leader meant to be alike a parent to their clan? to nurture them and raise them from their newborn foundations into their fullest potentials? it makes her stomach twist- or maybe it is the other thing that encourages such discomfort. a reminder that motherhood would find her one way or another.

her head lifts abruptly at the soft hum of her name, the sharpness of her stare softening with recognition. "Chanty..." for all her awkwardness, Juniperstar doesn't hesitate to lunge at the chance for some affection, practically smashing her forehead into their sibling's chest in a feverish sort of nuzzle.

she's of course not here just to cuddle and share her company, earning a small and disappointed frown as her vision trails towards what prey her sibling could find... guilt tells them this is an act of obligation, that it's only because of her unfortunate timing that she's being prioritized. "Oh... thank you." she lets out a small exhale to dispel the sort of uselessness that wriggles in her ear in harsh whisper, leaning forward to take a very pathetic attempt at a bite. hopefully she wouldn't be as insistent as Serpentberry had once been, but a whisker away from practically shoving it into her mouth for her.

the question looms like bait, obviously not laid as a trap but feeling like one all the same. her ears swivel, listening for those that might eavesdrop despite her faith in the clan's good will towards her. some anxieties could not be stuffed away. "You won't be the first or last to ask it I'm sure..." the chocolate spotted feline taps her tail tip impatiently, trying not to get huffy before she's even properly answered the question. "I'm fine," she insists, "Or I will be? I don't know... It's all too much to sift through, still. So much is changing and there's no time to think about it, it just is."

their brow creases, dragging aquamarines towards their kin's paws, "I don't want you to worry about me. It's supposed to be my job to worry about you."

──✩°｡⋆⸜ ✮

• juniperstar leader of thunderclan nine lives remain

  ignore me

 

[Chanterelleseeker]

The nuzzle against her chest knocks the wind from her, both in a figurative and a literal manner. She stills for a moment before resting her muzzle on top of her sisters head. In time she learn to know her as more than just kin, in time she will appreciate the newfound role Juniperstar has found herself in but right now this is just her older sister. A frown finds her maw as she volunteers to change the topic, as her sister removes her head from her. There is a hole left where they part, leaving a hunger for comfort on both ends that she didn't realise she hungered for. That doesn't matter though, she's here for a reason more important than her own feelings.

"It is not much but I thought we could share the meal, if you are hungry you can have the whole thing" she stares at the mouse with disdain. It wasn't much, undeserving for her kin, a measly kit could eat this and not be satisfied so what hope could it be to a full grown cat like her? Lithe shoulders shrug, eye's averting to offer her at least a small ounce of privacy. Perhaps she faces too much of that or she doesn't get enough with all these cats seeking guidance from her. Leadership shouldn't be a burden placed upon her, not after everything but if it wasn't her dear Juniper then who would have to deal with it? The she-cat is strong, stronger than Chanterelleseeker herself. To keep going after everything, even if the cracks are showing.

"I am sure you will hear it at least twice more before the day is done" there's a hint of amusement, something slipping through the everlasting numb sensation. "Are you fine?" A sliver of her fast wit comes in the retort, sounding like it was bordering on a lecture before she catches herself. With a measured sigh she waits for her to continue "I understand, time is... Well it seems to be getting shorter every day" or is it just her mind slipping? The hours are bleeding, when she blinks for one moment the moon is high and when she blinks the next the sun is blinding.

A blue paw reaches to knock against a chocolate one, she was never good at this talking thing. "Well then who will worry about you?" There's a certain level of vunerability that Chanterelleseeker is used to and they have leaped over that threshold by a mile. "Let me worry Juniper, I do not mean to overstep I just-" she cuts herself off with another frustrated sigh, throat constricting uncomfortably. "Want to make sure that I can do what I can to help you"

Her gaze shifts to her stomach once more "can I ask you something?" She doesn't mean for the question to feel as heavy as it is, if given permission she will press forward. "Do you know how far along you are?" There are dozens of questions she could ask, are you ready for it? Are they his? Do you want this? Nothing ever fits quite right on her tongue though.

 

[juniperstar]

juniper

the whole thing... it is a generous offer but ultimately daunting, a kindness shirked with a small shake of her head. "My appetite isn't all there... I wouldn't want to waste it- we can share." even if that were different, even if she could take more than a couple of bites without the nausea of guilt, she wouldn't want to in the face of her younger sibling's own hunger. her body remained in tact... functional... useful. she would find the time to hunt for herself.. and repay those that had visited her with their sympathies.

still... the spotted tabby is more than aware of the keen mind that works behind sun drop stare... she would not be satisfied with too many of Juniperstar's refusals to eat, especially not when it grew more difficult to ignore the future that races towards them. a future of many more tiny paws prodding for attention, for food.

her own stare fixes on the pale furred she-cat, hopeful that they have managed to cut through the mutual misery of their lives to joke and be nothing more than impish pests to one another. but the moment pressure of a paw is impressed upon it, the barbs underneath dug through, prickling sensitive pads with a sharp bite. the vulnerability is startling, and it begs for an equal share- one that goes fled from when she does not meet Chantarelleseeker's gaze. "Are you fine?" it's a fair question... if only it did not feel like a serrated blade against her throat.

"I will be," she insists. there is a warmth pressed atop one of her paws and she cannot will herself to run from that too, peering at the blue warrior with a tentative frown. once she would've said Sable would worry about her. that Hawthorne would. those who had not been born into that role but chosen to. Gray worried about her... but with one of the three missing, maybe Chanty wasn't really asking for Juniper's benefit. maybe it was just a drowning cry to have the hole filled. "Being here is enough," their brows furrow, trying to fight back the sting of tears. it was an option Bracken no longer had...

"It's enough..."

she lets out a quiet sigh, letting go of the tension that braids down her spine "Always, I have nothing to hide from you." even though she struggles not to flinch at the question. it was a question she wasn't sure she wanted the answer to. but it was becoming harder to ignore... more difficult to hunt, exhausting to even climb the slope out of the camp. there would not be much more time to pretend that nothing was changing. "Far enough along that they are a hinderance," she answers, tongue pressed against the back of her teeth in a half-amused hiss. "I can remember when Serpentberry was this size... Hawthorne wouldn't stop fussing about how she needed to stay off her paws. I'm sure you can imagine how little she liked being nagged at about it... Sometimes I think I see the stars lecturing me. I have to wonder which of them it is trying to tell me off."

Bracken... maybe even Milky, who'd pressed an overwhelming sea of tranquility towards her... Straw's good-natured ribbing? or once more just Thornstar... an ever-faithful friend, even in death.

──✩°｡⋆⸜ ✮

• juniperstar leader of thunderclan nine lives remain

  ignore me

 

[Chanterelleseeker]

As much as she wants to open her maw and argue against Juniperstar that it's fine and it wouldn't be a waste they both know that the constraints of the newly formed clan. Juniperstar most likely knows more than her truth be told, it doesn't stop her from wishing it wasn't the case. To try and use her mind to find an alternative, the best she can do is offer to share, try to not think about who could use it more. She is a selfish creature in this regard because who else other than her older sister needs it? To Chanterelleseeker family always comes first, she has never been apologetic about that fact before but now that she's faced with the unknown she isn't sure where her beliefs should be. "You are taking the first bite" she insists while sliding the prey closer to her, taking this time to shuffle a little closer to her sister. If allowed she would attempt to brush her own head against her shoulder.

Her gaze is unescapable, the sense she was named after being used to her advantage. Juniperstar looks thin, ironically enough given the swell of her stomach. She knew without the pregnancy that her sister would be alarmingly boney, was it worse than when they were part of the colony? While there was stress she at least didn't have to shoulder an entire population. That was Hawth- nevermind, any thought of eating grows sour and escapes with the wind when she tries to think too much about it. Instead she presses, prods, it's her best trait after all. Her maw twists, muzzle scrunching. Is just being there enough? She doubts it, there could be so much more that could be asked of her.

"If that is what you want" she doesn't mumble, her tone is instead dulled by fur in attempts to hide her own face from her leader. She doesn't feel like she's doing it right, this whole comfort thing, surely one of the others in their family could do better. Instead she sucks in a breath, hoping that the speckled she-cat just doesn't notice how this facade of hers is as thin as a puddle. "I am here for you, not going anywhere" she can at least say that with conviction, she at least has confidence in that regard.

The air that is huffed from her is a chuff of amusement, at least she still has some of her attitude left despite the tragedies that have lead up to this moment. "Has Serpentberry given you any wisdom about this?" She isn't close with the she-cat, not like Juniperstar. She hopes that the chocolate cat has someone in her corner at least, someone with experience anyways. "Maybe you should listen to them, I imagine this being easy... This leadership thing" she attempts to not sound overbearing or dismissive, tone policing has always been a struggle even when she was at her normal state of mind. She considers her words for a moment, glancing at the sky for a glimpse of a single star. "Do you have a preference on who it could be? I can only imagine everyone having something to say, concern or joke" does it weigh on her? The loss of so many? Chanterelleseeker can only assume so.