———————————————— Everything she's ever known is gone, gone, gone. ✦
TRIGGER WARNING
Descriptions of a panic attack & dissociation.
She had needed to collect herself after the meeting, pacing the edge of the camp as cats dispersed, trying to stay as far from anyone else lest she find herself snapping at anyone. She was already in trouble; the last thing she needed was her warrior ceremony delayed, snapping at the wrong cat. She just... She just needed air. Everything was busy and loud and- Augh, Starclan, her ears hurt. Neglecting them after crossing the waters and being caught in the rain had only served to cause more irritation. She just needed a moment.
The apprentice ended up at the roots of the willow, having barely managed to keep her composure as she pressed her pelt into the winding old roots as she catching her breath. In all honesty, she didn't want to be there; it was muted, but something stirred in her chest after the meeting. She didn't want to think about it. If she acknowledged it, the thing would fester and grow; she was too exhausted for it all. The grief mottled with fury and fear only drove her to a dizzying state, and for once in days she just wanted to feel like she was actually there.
But as she desperately tried, as she mulled over the meeting, her mind became some awful blur; the distant talking and all too close rushing water made her sick. She needed to run, she needed space and-
She couldn't run; there was nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide, not without prying eyes or driving questions. She wondered if maybe the nursery would be some kind of comfort, but she didn't want to scare the kittens, nor take Wavesong's time away from them. Her gaze slipped to the medicine den for a desperate moment; she had gone there before, curled in her sister's nest for some sort of sanctuary. But that place was nothing but painful memories now. Then.
Then she realised what structure she was pressed against. She had seen the leader snap at cats before, but Thunderpaw was desperate just to be away from prying eyes. For just a moment. Just so she could breathe.
The apprentice rounded to the entrance and slunk in, every breath was baited, stifled from the suffocating tightness in her throat. Then, tired blue eyes met the leader, and Thunderpaw felt panic grip her every muscle. Her words stumbled from her maw in a state of fear. "I-I'm sorry for intrudin'- I just- I needed-" She tripped over her words, breath ragged as she tried in some vain attempt to maintain what remained of her composure. Surely some part of her longed to be furious at the leader, the perception of giving up on Rainpaw, but all the apprentice could muster was a dazed panic and a desperate want to be seen. Even if it wasn't something she felt as if she could admit.
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Thunderpaw
✦—Riverclan apprentice | 11 moons
✦—She/Her
✦—"SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
✦—A stocky cinnamon sealpoint molly with long curled ears and cold blue eyes.
#C08969
