Camp WindClan when all those shadows almost killed your light ✿ — owlbear

[Meadowpaw]

Don't you dare look out your window
Darlin' everythings on fire

.

Meadowpaw moved slowly, careful not to let the bundle slip from her jaws. There were grasses, bits of fur and down, even a few tiny wildflowers, all pressed together into a manageable wad. It had taken her most of the morning to find pieces soft enough, but she was happy to busy her paws.

The nursery was quiet and dim, and she careful not to disturb that peace. The apprentice shuffled carefully through the entrance. The scent of milk still clung to the air like a fog. The warmth it reminded her of made her chest ache in ways she didn't understand. She glanced down at the bundle in her jaws and then in the direction of Owlbear's best.

Meadow hoped that she wasn't intruding in some way. Prying into what should've been private. Mama would have said so, but lately, Meadowpaw fought harder than ever before to shake the absent she-cats influence from her head. Even if Owlbear didn't want her help, the she-cat would have it in one way or another. She would keep her promise to Hoot no matter what.

Meadowpaw dipped her head as she shuffled closer to the resting mother. She set the bedding down and peered warily at the resting lump in the nest. "I brought some fresh bedding…" The apprentice mewed tentatively. "Um but if I'm bothering you I can come back later." Owlbear had every reason to be tired. She adored the kits with all her heart, but she wouldn't deny they were a pawful. Goosekit especially seemed to be a bottomless well of energy. If the molly wanted her out, she wouldn't argue.

@owlbear

Speech, thoughts/emphasis

9 MOONS

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WINDCLAN

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SONG

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bio

 

[owlbear]

Owlbear had a rare moment to herself, as the kits were out playing in the camp with her better half, Bushrunner, and had intended on taking a good long nap. The plans are quickly ruined, though, as a sweet mellow girl ducks into the den, carrying bedding materials. Maybe it's because she's just had her kits, but by Starclan... when she sees Meadowpaw, all Owl wants it to invite her into the nest with her, to comfort her shaky form. When Meadowpaw speaks, Owlbear shakes her head, smiling softly at her.

"You're never a bother darlin'," she purrs, tail sweeping over to touch the young molly's shoulder. "Especially when you bring such a generous gift." She pulls the little bundle closer, beginning to work it into her nest where she saw fit. "And how are you farin' sweetheart? You doin' alright?" Owl gives Meadow a playfully stern glance, her voice still soft. "And don't go lyin' to me– I'm a mother now, and my instinct for that sort of thing has only gotten better. Somethin' 's on your mind, ain't it?"

i can't look at the stars

they make me wonder where you are

• ooc: -
• 

  
  

  Owlbear, - 50 moons / windclan warrior
  peaceful powerplay allowed

  
  

 

[Meadowpaw]

Don't you dare look out your window
Darlin' everythings on fire

.

You're never a bother, darlin'.

Meadow's ears twitched and she gave a small, bashful nod, paws kneading the ground anxiously where she stood. "Good, I'm glad..." She murmured, watching as Owlbear worked the fresh materials into place. She could tell that the molly was tired, but at least she didn't seem upset about the intrusion.

Meadowpaw glanced up, caught off guard by the gentle look on the queen's face. Her instinct was to deny it, to pull on the same tired smile she'd worn all week and say she was fine.

But was she alright? Meadowpaw had gotten in the habit of giving the usual answer when someone asked her that—yes, of course she was okay—but somethin' about Owlbear made want to spill everything. How she felt that Mama did love her anymore because the molly hadn't talked to her since the fire. How useless she felt being stuck at camp, not able to hunt or protect the clan. How badly she missed all the cats they lost in the fire. How sometimes it still felt like she could move her leg even though it wasn't there anymore… How she couldn't tell any of that to Nugmeg or Pea because she was afraid of increasing their burden when they already did so much for her.

Meadow settled onto her haunches, "I'm okay…I-I mean I'm better than… I was." She said carefully, "It's still kind of hard getting around. I wish I could help more." Her voice softened even more, barely a whisper now. "Mama hasn't talked to me since the fire either. I know it's my fault. I didn't listen to her when we were escaping the fire, and I got hurt… I think maybe I made her not love me anymore."

It was out before she could stop it—and her eyes stung a little. A tight feeling jamming in her chest, attempting to crawl up her throat. Meadowpaw swallowed t as best she could and peeks up with a small, strained smile. "Sometimes I see how you are with your family and I'd be lyin' if I said I wasn't a little jealous. I never knew my Pa and Mama and Meggie don't get along." Her tail curled tightly around her side as she looked down at her paws. Meadowpaw supposed that she was being a bit greedy. Some cats lost a lot more than she did. At least her family survived. Realizing how that must sound, she straightened up. "I-I'm sorry! I know not right to say. I should be grateful for what I have." She added quickly, ears flattening.

Speech, thoughts/emphasis

9 MOONS

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WINDCLAN

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SONG

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bio

 

[owlbear]

She listens patiently, letting the words tumble from Meadowpaw's maw, whose whole body seems to be tight with anxiety. Though she wants to interrupt at times, especially when Meadow claims she made her mother not love her anymore, Owlbear bites her tongue and waits for her to get everything out before speaking. At the end of it, Meadowpaw adds a quick apology, but Owl shakes her head.

"Oh darlin', you got nothin' to be sorry for," Owl purrs, getting out of her nest and sitting down next to Meadowpaw, unable to hold herself back now from comforting her with more than just words. "You got the right to say whatever you please, especially when it's from the heart."

She curls her tail around her and looks down at her fondly. "You're doin' plenty to help, I know that well enough. There's more ways to help the clan than fightin' and huntin'. Gettin' me fresh beddin' is helpin', ain't it? And talkin' to folks helps too, whether it's to cheer them up or to comfort them. And 'sides, you're still just a kit in us grown folks eyes. We're supposed to be helpin' you, not the other way 'round."

She pauses for a moment, still looking at Meadowpaw with her golden eyes dripping honey. Internally, she is cursing Meadow's mother for leaving her kit afraid and lonely when she'd just lost her damn leg.

"I'm sure your mama loves you in her own way, even if it's hard to understand now. A mother's love is not so easy to shake. But everyone… Everyone reacts to tragedy differently, don't they? Some with fightin' and lashin' out, some with cryin', and some with silence." She flashes a soft smile. "And I'm always willin' to lend you an ear, a paw, or my words if you need 'em. Always, darlin', meanin' any time."

i can't look at the stars

they make me wonder where you are

• ooc: -
• 

  Owlbear, - 50 moons / windclan warrior
  peaceful powerplay allowed

 

[Meadowpaw]

Don't you dare look out your window
Darlin' everythings on fire

.

Meadowpaw looked up with soft, round eyes as Owlbear stepped from her nest and settled beside her. The older she-cat's voice sank in like water on dry earth, slowly soaking into the cracks Meadow had done her best to patch over alone. "Okay…" She whispered, though the guilt still clung to her like thorns. Owlbear had assured her she didn't need to apologize, but it was hard not to. The queen had been the one to offer, but even now, Meadowpaw worried. Should she really be unloading everything onto her? What if it was too much? What if Owlbear decided she'd had enough and asked her not to come anymore…

She pressed her paws into the floor of the nursery, claws flexing into the dirt. "I guess… I just—I could be helping more. I want to help more…" Meadowpaw muttered, unable to stop herself from pouting a little. Time and time again, she was reminded of how most of her clanmates still saw her. Meadowpaw loved them, and sometimes it was nice to be taken care of—but not all the time. She didn't feel like a kit anymore… but clearly, that didn't mean anyone else had stopped seeing her as one. Her leg being messed up didn't help either. Now everyone had to take care of her like one too. She knew the things she did helped, but it never felt like enough.

Meadowpaw fell quiet, tail curling over her stump. Her gaze lingered on the edges of the nursery, muddled with emotion, too afraid to look at Owlbear again in case the tears slipped out for real. When she was little, Mama used to call her little bloom. Said Meadow was the only thing that ever grew right for her. But it'd been a long time since she'd heard anything like that.

"So it's kind of like how Merry and Sassy were actin'? They were sad about everything, so I think they took it out on each other." She murmured, head dipping as her throat clenched. "Just a shame she can't include me, even a little. I wouldn't even mind if Mama wanted to yell at me long as I could see her again." She sniffled faintly, mustering a laugh, but it came out brittle. Meadowpaw would have preferred anything to being ignored. She just wanted everything to go back to normal, even if that meant Nutmegpurr and Mama bickered alot, or if Mama was really angry over what she'd done.

After a while, she gathered the courage to look at Owlbear, smiling back gently. "You're a really good Mama, you know that?" It wasn't hard to see that the queen adored her kits. She was kind and patient. Their whole family was good like that in one way or another. Meadowpaw was glad they all stuck together after the fire.

"Same goes for you, okay?" Meadowpaw added, smile tugging a just a bit wider with some extra effort. "I've got two good listening ears and I really do like helpin' around the nursery."

Speech, thoughts/emphasis

9 MOONS

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WINDCLAN

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SONG

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bio

 

[owlbear]

Owlbear's heart breaks a little more with each word Meadowpaw speaks, and if she ever gets her paws on her mother, she might end up sending her to Glade's medicine den. She can't imagine ever ignoring her own kits, to not speak or look at them for more than a few minutes seems unbearable. Though she knows one day they'll grow up, become warriors themselves, maybe even get families of their own… but to her… to her they'd always be her kits. Her darling children.

"Yeah, just like Merry n' Sass. And, well…" she hesitates for a moment. She really doesn't want to speak ill of Meadow's mother in front of her– that wouldn't help, not when Meadow seems so fond of her. She could rant to Bushrunner later. For now, she says, "I know, sweetheart. But… parents aren't always perfect, and we make mistakes too. And that's our fault, not our childrens. Do you understand? I'm sure your mama's… that she's suffering too… but that's no excuse to go around makin' your kid feel bad either. If I ever did that, I'd hope someone would give me a slap on the back of my head," she cracks a small smile, hoping she hadn't crossed some invisible line in the dirt.

"Oh, thank you… I'm tryin' my best. It's hard, not havin' Hoot around, but… luckily I'm not alone. I've got Bush, and Chicken, and even little Comet's been a real big help…" her voice drifts off a bit, and she looks at Meadowpaw, a small smile still on her lips. "You've been a mighty help too, Meadow. I know little Goosekit loves when you come 'round. You tell a real' good story, or so I've heard." Then, brushing her nose against Meadow's ear, she says, "you're gon' grow into a fine cat one day, darlin'. Kind, gentle, and strong too. I've got no doubt in my mind 'bout that."

i can't look at the stars

they make me wonder where you are

• ooc: -
• 

  Owlbear, - 50 moons / windclan warrior
  peaceful powerplay allowed

 

[Meadowpaw]

Don't you dare look out your window
Darlin' everythings on fire

.

She blinked slowly, green eyes glimmering with unshed tears as she listened. Meadowpaw was trying to make sense of the hurt in her heart. Knowing that her mama was hurting did not make it easier. All she wanted to do was ease that pain—to comfort as she tried to do with everyone else. But that wasn't always possible, there were others in her life who were struggling, and nothing she did seemed to soothe. Knowing that makes her chest ache fiercely, the burning behind her eyes growing more unbearable by the second.

But… it also doesn't seem fair. Meggie was hurt too, she could see it, but not once did her sister leave her side. Maybe there was something to what Owlbear said, but she wasn't ready to look it in the face. A familiar feeling surfaces that reminds her of when she had to watch Merry and Sassy argue. When all the cats she admired just sat there and watched it happen, even as things threatened to turn violent. Suddenly, a throb came from behind her ribs. That day left a bitter taste that would not wash clean no matter how many times she swallowed.

Her paw curled at the thought—of being forgotten, of being left behind. She didn't want to lose what little of her family she had left. The promise of losing them scared her most of all.

Meadowpaw sniffled and wiped her face against her shoulder, ears burning with shame. "Yeah, course. We all care about you Owl." In a way, losing all they did brought them together.

She trailed off, chewing her cheek for a heartbeat before continuing. "Oh, I don't know about that. It's really cute how Goosekit is to hear them, but I know I don't tell em as good as he did..." Meadowpaw laughs softly. Still, she did like telling them. She liked that Goosekit enjoyed them so much, even if it was a struggle to replicate Hoot's theatrics.

Kind as the words Owlbear spoke were, even then, she doubted herself. Meadowpaw didn't know what to say. Gentle, sure. Kind? She tried to be... but strong?. Meadowpaw didn't think she was strong in the slightest.

The future seemed so out of reach, high above into the clouds where only she couldn't see. There was a small hope that she might grow from her ashes, that even as a weed growing wild, she could still have some use. If a single marigold flower could be used in a dozen different ways, then maybe so could she. Somewhere deep in her chest, there was a seed finding soil.

The touch was gentle. A simple brush to the ear, but no less unraveling. It'd been a while since mama had done anything like that. Affection only became rarer as she got older. But when she was small enough to hide under the bushel of mamas tail, she once got very sick. Times like that were when her mama was kind and doting. The orange molly would cradle Meadow—muttering soft things—urging her with all her heart to get better. Begging her not to leave as her siblings did. She does not remember much from that time, but she remembers how loved she had felt and how safe. That memory felt so far away now...

Her smile watered into a frown before she curled inward. A faint snivel seeped out despite her attempts to starve it. Her head bent against the queen like a bud seeking the warmth of sunlight. Meadowpaw looked down, tears spilling over against her will. "I'm s-sorry..." She shudders, dragging a breath as a last effort to pull herself together.

Speech, thoughts/emphasis

9 MOONS

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WINDCLAN

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SONG

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bio