Why does it feel like I can tell you anything? || Yewkit

[Talonpaw Talonpaw]

He didn't know what happened. Sure... He was busy, but Branchkit still followed him around, even convinced him to pause to - and Yewkit was nothing but helpful. But... Not a single word was spoken between them. Yewkit stuck to herself, and Talon understood- but... He worried. That's what meadowpaw said was going on with him- he was worried. So, meadowpaw suggested to talk to Yewkit.

It was beating the fear that Yewkit didn't want to talk to him. It was beating the scared feeling that Yewkit was leaving him behind- nothing he would actually show- he couldn't. But what had he done? He at least wanted to know.

Plague left camp- and Talon decided Yewkit liked eating with others, right? Maybe? Perhaps Yewkit was hungry, when was the last time he saw the child even leave the den? Meadowpaw said his feelings were valid- but he felt stupid for it.

He poked his head into the nursery- blue eye carefully glancing before spotting the child. "Yewkit." A simple greeting, voice plain- but he was unarmed, he was defenseless as he looked at the child. "Can y' come talk?" He asked.

@Yewkit

​

Talon he/him, windclan 8 moons old.
black tabby with dark greyish brown undercoat and white underbelly. white crest on chest, and scars lining left side of face, blinding his right eye. icey blue eyes and white that is slowly starting to streak his features. Back scars non-existent for now.
mentored by Merrystalk // mentoring none
littermate to none
NPC x NPC / father/mother to none / mated to none
"speech" // "thoughts"
penned by Deidre ↛ deidre on discord, feel free to dm for plots. Art by PurpleCandyCorn.

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

Her rest disturbed, she looked up from her nest, only to be met with the blue gaze of Talonpaw. There was something in his expression that Yewkit didn't understand, couldn't decipher. She was about to greet the tom, when...

"Can you come talk?"

Yewkit froze. What did she do? What did she do? Her voice caught in her throat, not a single sound coming out. Her paws trembled but she nodded and stood up. Mother wasn't around to permit or forbid her from leaving and Yewkit hoped this would be quick enough for her to return to the nursery before Plague came back.

The small kitten wished she was even smaller, near invisible. How did she manage to get in trouble again? When she ran towards her clanmates, it was foolish. But when she stayed with mother, safely back in camp, that was wrong too? She wished she understood - but Yewkit knew she had a lot to learn still. Mother had been teaching her, but she could only do so much at a time.

Yewkit only hoped whatever she had done would warrant less wrath and punishment from Talon than her foolish running away into the medicine den during the flooding did. The tears she had been holding back threatened to surface once more, but she pushed them away. She wouldn't cry in front of her clanmates. In front of Talon. Not again.

 

[Talonpaw Talonpaw]

a large paw pressed against Yewkits head- roughly ruffling fur in between her ears. A greeting he'd picked up, but hadn't been able to do. His blue eye searched hers- but found nothing as the girl shriveled up beside him and followed him out of the den.

Talon turned, settling down in his normal pose- head lower than shoulders, but his fur gently brushed against the kittens. Even if he was stiff- he hoped she felt their closeness, and knew he missed her. Even if he didn't say it. His mouth opened, then closed- words wanting to spill out but could not.

"Are y' mad at me, kid? Did I hurt y'? I.. didn't mean t' but I keep... I keep hurting people." He mumbles, but his blue eye swept over the kitten, before quickly looking away. "What did I do- are y' scared of me?" He asked, a bit louder- blunter.

Could talon blame her if she was?

​

Talon he/him, windclan 8 moons old.
black tabby with dark greyish brown undercoat and white underbelly. white crest on chest, and scars lining left side of face, blinding his right eye. icey blue eyes and white that is slowly starting to streak his features. Back scars non-existent for now.
mentored by Merrystalk // mentoring none
littermate to none
NPC x NPC / father/mother to none / mated to none
"speech" // "thoughts"
penned by Deidre ↛ deidre on discord, feel free to dm for plots. Art by PurpleCandyCorn.

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

The large tom raised his paw and Yewkit could do nothing but stare in terror as it neared her. She's never been punished like this before, but that didn't mean she couldn't be now...

And then Talon's paw roughly ruffled her fur, as if to... greet her? The way he'd greet her after the flooding, when she was separated from her own family... Of course. This was how it always went when she had disappointed mother. Mother has always been kind and yet Yewkit has messed up, so many times. She should have learned her lesson by now...

He held her gaze for a moment, then turned without a word, inclining her to follow him. She did, on shaky legs, ears flattened ever so slightly. Nothing the tom would notice.

But as they found a quiet place to sit, Talon's words completely surprised the kit. "Wait..." she looked up, her voice small. "You're not here to punish me?" Her mind raced like the wind, trying to understand. "I thought..." what did she think? "when we reunited...with mother. She was so upset with me. I... I was foolish to run to the healer's den during the flood." her voice trembled slightly, though it was barely audible over the breeze. "I.. I worried her...and she said I'm not to go anywhere without permission. So... So I didn't..."

It became harder to hold the tears in, to stop her voice from breaking. All she wanted was to not harm for once. "I.. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." all she's wanted was to be small. "And... you were all so busy with the camp, I..." Excuses, excuses. Hadn't mother taught her better?

She shut her mouth then, having spoken more than enough. Saying more than she should have. But she meant it - she's never meant to hurt anyone. Not mother, nor the only friends she's had. And yet, she's done it again.

 

[Talonpaw Talonpaw]

"punish...?" his eyebrow raised, but the child did not explain. yewkit spoke, and then her voice trembled and shoot- it reminded him of meadowpaw at times- she would begin stuttering. His eyebrow lowered, knitting together with the other as the kit continued, before his features relaxed.

oh- plague... Had been scared without Yewkit. So Yewkit couldn't leave. That made sense- well, it did until Yewkit started crying. Tears welled at the edges of a yellow eye and a blue eye- her body shook and talon froze.

Yewkit wasn't foolish in talons eyes. Yewkit was brave- she helped, the one that was foolish was the warrior that didn't bring Yewkit to plague. That wasn't Yewkits fault. Talon stared, he didn't mean to, but his tongue rolled in his mouth in silence. But talon wasn't mad- he just struggled badly. He hadn't expected Yewkit to get so upset.

Meadowpaw didn't tell him what to do in this scenario. No one told him what to do when someone cried- but he tried his best not to assume it was his fault. It was hard though- and he remembered Dimmingsuns words. You're hurting... Is that what this crying was- hurting? Talon remembered his dream- the way the tears slid down his face was unfamiliar as he cried into Meadowpaw- who never knew, and when he woke up, there was no recollection of it from her. Which... Good. It was good she didn't know that happened, he didn't need Windclan to think him weak and cast him aside....

But Yewkit was a child. Yewkit was not weak. Talon took in a breath, pulling a paw to press Yewkit against him, wrapping his arm around the child uncomfortably. "Yewkit... Breathe. You're okay, you're not being.... Punished. You're hurting. And- it's okay." The words felt unfamiliar on his tongue. "I just... Missed you." The words burned in his throat, felt vile coming up, but it was the truth. Why did expressing that feel so weird..?

​

Talon he/him, windclan 8 moons old.
black tabby with dark greyish brown undercoat and white underbelly. white crest on chest, and scars lining left side of face, blinding his right eye. icey blue eyes and white that is slowly starting to streak his features. Back scars non-existent for now.
mentored by Merrystalk // mentoring none
littermate to none
NPC x NPC / father/mother to none / mated to none
"speech" // "thoughts"
penned by Deidre ↛ deidre on discord, feel free to dm for plots. Art by PurpleCandyCorn.

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

Yewkit let out a soft gasp as Talon pulled her close. It was awkward and strange and unfamiliar and yet... it was the one thing she had been begging for this entire time. To be held, comforted. Her wet cheeks dried in his fur as she tried to breathe in air, deep and steady.

"I'm sorry..." is all she managed to whisper. And she was - sorry for not being there, sorry for not understanding, sorry for thinking he was going to punish her, sorry for staining his pelt. She pulled away then, not meeting his gaze. "I didn't mean to..." why was she always saying that? Perhaps she should learn to think before doing anything, because every time she had acted based on her feelings, she's gotten it all wrong.

"I just... Missed you."

Yewkit finally looked up at the tom. Missed her? "But I... I was still here. If you missed me, why didn't you come? Mother would probably have let me go with you..." the last part, Yewkit wasn't that sure about. Plague probably blamed Talon and Meadowpaw for Yewkit's runaway, and she was probably right. Yet Yewkit couldn't really blame them - it was her own choice to leave, her own decision to get herself into trouble. Talon and Meadowpaw were only trying to fix her mess. If anything, it was her who got them into trouble.

"I'm here now..." she said at last, though she still wasn't quite sure why Talon wanted to be with her. But she didn't complain, for she craved the company, the warmth of another. Maybe she was selfish for staying for her own reasons, mother would certainly agree, but Yewkit wasn't in a position to care. She wanted to be here, now that she knew, or hoped at least, that she wasn't in trouble.

 

[Talonpaw Talonpaw]

Talon was stiff as a board as Yewkit wiped tears on his thin coat, arm holding her close in what little comfort that talon never experienced. They say, that touch was a sign of caring- and it wasn't something Talon was too comfortable with. But he had let himself grow close to these bodies. It was too late to fight it- Talon wanted to ensure Yewkit was safe, was sound. There was a beast inside of him-

This beast snarled at the sight of danger, and bared its teeth, but it's form softened when Talon saw these few cats that he'd let grow so close. It was a battle, it was a nightmare- it was confusing. "Don't be sorry." His voice said- his tail flicking against the ground, but Yewkit continued and Talon brought one eye slowly to look at the childs Mismatched eyes from above. His blue eye blinked, slowly.

"I didn't come..." He echoed, lifting his angled dark head, staring at nothing, formulating. He felt dangerous, his felt claws tapping at the dirt, claws that did not want to slide back into his sheathes- but... Even if he felt dangerous, he let his eye close... He let himself think for a moment.

I'm here now....

"If y' thought I was angry with y'... Would y' seek me out?" Talon finally asked, before shaking his head as if answering his own question and pulling to lift the kitten with a paw and setting her in front of him- crouching down before touching his nose to the kids chest- feeling the thump of her heart. "I care. It's not easy t' say. But I care. An' if y' wanted me t' walk away right now- never speak t' ye again, I would. I would do whatever t' make y' safe, t' keep ye okay. I don't have family- but... Y' could be my family."

Talon lifts his head finally, keeping his body on the ground, arms splayed in front of him, and back turned as he laid. His tongue rolled in his mouth from discomfort, uncertainty- and he swallowed hard, the saliva thick as it rolled down his throat. "Anyways." A paw moved to press into Yewkits side, gentler than normal. "Y' wanna hop on my back, an' go get somethin' t' eat?"

​

Talon he/him, windclan 8 moons old.
black tabby with dark greyish brown undercoat and white underbelly. white crest on chest, and scars lining left side of face, blinding his right eye. icey blue eyes and white that is slowly starting to streak his features. Back scars non-existent for now.
mentored by Merrystalk // mentoring none
littermate to none
NPC x NPC / father/mother to none / mated to none
"speech" // "thoughts"
penned by Deidre ↛ deidre on discord, feel free to dm for plots. Art by PurpleCandyCorn.

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

I care
...
I would do whatever to make you safe
...
You could be my family


Why was Talon saying all of this? Yewkit didn't understand the reason behind these words - first he had been distant, now this. Yewkit couldn't wrap her head around it. Phantomkit and Drearykit were her family. She was Plague's.

Her mismatched eyes stared up at the tom, wide and lost. She thought he was upset with her, yet he spoke as if she was the closest thing he had to family. And he hadn't even visited her...

She didn't let herself dwell on these thought for too long. Maybe she would ask mother about it later. Or maybe she would keep it to herself. The tom, seemingly even more uncomfortable than her in the situation, decided to change the topic. An offer - to ride on his back again, just like when she had been tired from the stresses of the flood and separation. Yewkit was no longer tired, no longer separated from Plague and her siblings. She hadn't wanted Plague to see her rely on the tom for support and she didn't want her to see her now either and yet... Plague was not there right now. Why not spend the moment in closeness with the tom?

"Okay..." was all she said at last, letting Talon lower himself and nestling on top of him. It was just for a moment, she told herself. To grab food, to be together. Surely this was okay.

 

[Talonpaw Talonpaw]

Talonpaw let the beats pass, resting on the ground- waiting. Yewkit started, and he let the child process as slowly as she needed. He had said a lot- but the beats passed longer- before finally mumbling a simple okay.

Talon was satisfied enough, feeling small paws pressing and climbing onto his shoulders and back before slowly standing up. He'd grown a bit since the last time, and he felt her grip wobble before tightening against his shoulders. He never had siblings- he only ever had his mother, but Yewkit really did do something that made his heart want to accept Yewkit. He struggled with connections to Branchkit, to other children- but Yewkit was his very being, he felt.

If only he could word it better to try to make Yewkit smile...

Talon moved, carefully shifting so that Yewkit could stay balanced. "Is there anythin' yer hungry for, kid?" He asked, nearing the prey pile. He wished that the silence could be broken, sure- Yewkit didn't talk a lot, but, this felt... Different. "An' y' gotta tell me what's wrong... I ain't gonna bite ya."

​

Talon he/him, windclan 8 moons old.
black tabby with dark greyish brown undercoat and white underbelly. white crest on chest, and scars lining left side of face, blinding his right eye. icey blue eyes and white that is slowly starting to streak his features. Back scars non-existent for now.
mentored by Merrystalk // mentoring none
littermate to none
NPC x NPC / father/mother to none / mated to none
"speech" // "thoughts"
penned by Deidre ↛ deidre on discord, feel free to dm for plots. Art by PurpleCandyCorn.

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

Yewkit knew better than to be picky with food. "Whatever you pick." she said simply. She hated herself for what happened the last time Talon brought her and Meadowpaw prey, the unnecessary trouble she's caused. She would unsheath her claws from being so upset with herself, but she stopped herself - she wasn't on the ground, but in Talon's fur, and she didn't wish to hurt him. She's done so enough.

And you gotta tell me what's wrong

What? Yewkit didn't understand and this state of confusion seemed to be a constant lately. She felt glad at not being an apprentice just yet, aside from the obvious fear of becoming one, not understanding so many things made her feel like she was failing everyone. She's failed mother and her siblings, she's failed Meadowpaw and she's failing Talon as well. She probably did something wrong in her interaction with the flood-soaked warrior as well, back in the temporary camp. And just like him, Yewkit feared, everyone would leave her if she didn't start doing better.

Was there something wrong, then? Yewkit wasn't sure, but she didn't want to disappoint Talon and so she tried to think of something. "I think I just... keep making the wrong choices." she said quietly. "I try to help or to not be in the way, and I end up causing more trouble than it's worth..." Her voice didn't break then, she made sure not to let any emotion show, no tears fell down her cheeks. She said it like what it was - facts.

"I ran away from the nursery when mother needed me the most. I ran to help Meadowpaw and instead made you lose your herbs, because you had to get me out. I tried to not be in the way and instead I made you worry..." Yewkit's breaths quickened, her thoughts beginnig to spiral. There was a lot more she could have said, but she stopped herself. This was no place nor time to panic, Yewkit definitely didn't want to cause Talon even more stresses just because she couldn't control her breathing.

No, she was Yewkit. Like the great tree, you will learn to be unwavering and graceful.. but lethal. You must be dangerous yet protective, little Yewkit, to protect your heart. Yewkit understood then, what mother meant. If she continued to cause more trouble, it would cause even more harm. Instead she should be stoic, rooted like the tree - only then would she truly be safe from hurting herself and others. "It's okay though.." she finally whispered. "I won't get in trouble anymore, I promise. I won't disobey nor disappoint you."

 

[Talonpaw Talonpaw]

if it wasn't for Meadowpaws teachings, Talon was sure he wouldn't even begin to bother with how someone else felt. But like he told yewkit- he cared about the kid. And if that made him weak, then what made him strong? He got to decide his own fate- he did, no one else. And if he chose to nearly kill himself, or even change for people he cared about- then that was his choice.

Right?

Even if he felt uneasy opening up his heart....

He stared at the pile, blinking as he looked at the options. He didn't want mouse- it wouldn't be enough for him and Yewkit. He didn't feel like defeathering a bird at the moment... Boy, he did wish he caught more of those frogs. His tongue ran over his teeth before finally deciding on a squirrel. It probably shouldn't have taken that long, but as he grabbed the squirrel, Yewkit finally spoke.

He listened as he moved, facial expressions unphased. He raised an eyebrow as Yewkit continued, remembering he did not lose his herbs- Meadowpaw took it from his jaws. Perhaps Yewkit did not see that though, he couldn't blame her- but as he found a spot for them to eat, he settled the squirrel down before lowering himself and readjusting when Yewkit climbed down.

He settled in front of the kitten- studying with a blue gaze as he thought carefully. It didn't make sense, and talon rolled his tongue in his mouth as he processed. "I thought y' brave." He said finally. "Y' came to help where y' thought we needed it the most- like a true warrior." Not that he knew what it meant- but it's things he had heard, it's wording that sounded... Right. "I never thought y' trouble. Nor did I think y' disobeyed, or disappointed me. Y' do not gotta stress that y' disappointed me- I don't ever feel that way. I do not understand things like others. Where others know what that stuff is, I do not. Before I was even as big as y' I was alone. I had t' learn things differently, an' one thing I know- is that y' were braver than I ever couldve been at yer age. When my mother died, I ran away. When trouble came- y' faced it head on. Y' don't feel good about that? About yer strength?" Talon asked with all the factual statement right there. His blue gaze was unyielding as he studied the kitten.

​

Talon he/him, windclan 8 moons old.
black tabby with dark greyish brown undercoat and white underbelly. white crest on chest, and scars lining left side of face, blinding his right eye. icey blue eyes and white that is slowly starting to streak his features. Back scars non-existent for now.
mentored by Merrystalk // mentoring none
littermate to none
NPC x NPC / father/mother to none / mated to none
"speech" // "thoughts"
penned by Deidre ↛ deidre on discord, feel free to dm for plots. Art by PurpleCandyCorn.

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

Yewkit waited for Talon to pick what prey they were going to eat silently, imaginary ants crawling up and down her skin. She wasn't sure exactly what made her so restless, so uncomfortable - if it was being away from her nest without mother's approval or resting on top of the large tom, as if she was helpless, for everyone to see. Either way, she felt glad when Talon finally picked out a russet furry creature and nestled down somewhere quiet for her to climb down.

Silently she started to nibble on the food as Talon spoke. Like a true warrior, he said, and Yewkit couldn't help but feel empty at the words. She didn't feel strong in the slightest, nor brave. She felt stupid and reckless, not careful enough. How could she not? She had made mother afraid and it was her own choice to do so.

"My strength?" Yewkit repeated, brow furrowed. "It's not strong to go straight towards danger when you're small like me, weak like me." Talon probably couldn't understand - he was big and tall, his muscles growing with each day. Yewkit was thin, shaky, ready to be blown away like a leaf in the faintest breeze. "It's not strong to leave behind those that need you. I could have died and then what would mother have done? I cannot do that to her..."

Mother would surely be even more upset with her if she were to get hurt, or worse. Yewkit didn't even want to imagine it. "And who would be to blame then? She already thinks it's your and Meadowpaw's fault I ran away... if something were to happen to me, it would be your pelts that would meet her anger." Yewkit spoke matter-of-factly - these were not her feelings, this was the truth. "But you're not to blame - I am. My own choices and decisions, me thinking I can help, without thinking about the consequences. Nothing happened now, but that's mere luck. Something could have happened and it would have been my fault entirely."

She didn't dare look at Talon. She merely spoke, looking at the food in front of her, unable to take another bite before saying what needed to be said. These cats thought she was brave. How had she fooled them enough to actually make them think that?

 

[Talonpaw Talonpaw]

Talon listened as the prey sat untouched before them. His paws flexed, toes stretching before crossing over each other. His chin was unmoving, his eyes were unflinching, and Talon kept them onto Yewkits mismatched ones even though they showed emotions. This kid thought she was weak- thought talon was so big and that made him strong. Did she not hear him? He wasn't certain as she continued speaking.

"I was small too." He stated clearly. "I was smaller than y' when my mother died. I was smaller than y' when prey was taken from my jaws, an' my muzzle scars were made. I was smaller than y' when my ears were torn. I was y' size when I lost my eye. Y' think I'm strong- but the world made me this way. I'm not strong, as y' thinking I am, Yewkit. I ran away, I ran away at every sign of danger. I never before ran towards danger. Not till I had t' save y', not till I had t' realize that I cared."

He shifted uncomfortably. He didn't like this talk- he felt vulnerable, open. He felt like he was showing Yewkit his heart, and he hated that. He saw what happened when Meadowpaw did that. He saw what happened when Plague did that. His blue eye carefully watched the kitten.

"Y' think I would've let y' die? I was pissed when the guy let y' sit there drenched, why'd ya think y' woke up with me around ya? Y' think meadowpaw woulda let y' die? We wouldn't. That's why y' ran an' hid y' worried us. That's why we was upset with y'. Not 'cause we was mad- but we was scared. Yer not weak kid. Whoever told y' that needs t' rethink." He stated as if it was nothing but factual right back at the kitten. He shifted again, rolling his tongue in his mouth. " 'm sorry y' thought I was mad, but I couldn't be mad at y'. Don't worry y' self with that."

​

Talon he/him, windclan 8 moons old.
black tabby with dark greyish brown undercoat and white underbelly. white crest on chest, and scars lining left side of face, blinding his right eye. icey blue eyes and white that is slowly starting to streak his features. Back scars non-existent for now.
mentored by Merrystalk // mentoring none
littermate to none
NPC x NPC / father/mother to none / mated to none
"speech" // "thoughts"
penned by Deidre ↛ deidre on discord, feel free to dm for plots. Art by PurpleCandyCorn.

 

[Yewkit]

YEWKIT

.

Yewkit heard what Talon has been telling her, but she wasn't sure she wanted to. Talon had never spoken like this to her before and she didn't know what it meant. For them, nor for her.

The one thing Yewkit heard loud and clear was 'we was scared'. Not the first time she's heard words like those, nor the first time she's felt guilty. It was already bad enough that she had scared Plague, made her worry, when she ran away. But to learn she had made Talon and Meadowpaw worry too... it made sense, she knew it did. She had made a lot of choices those days and most of them, if not all, wrong.

What could she even say to mend what she'd damaged? She finally bit down into the prey in front of them, not wanting to waste it. She didn't feel particularly hungry, but at least with her mouth full, she wasn't expected to reply just yet. Yewkit wasn't sure what she could even say.

She wanted to believe what Talon was saying, that she was strong and brave and okay. But she didn't feel any of those things. She didn't feel she deserved his kindness and care, not when all she ever did was hurt others.

"You promise?" she asked quietly, finally, when he said he couldn't be mad at her. She wasn't sure she would believe him even if he said yes, but she could at least try to. Perhaps she tricked him into thinking she was better than she truly was or perhaps he really thought it.

Perhaps he truly did care, for some unknown reason, and wouldn't leave her. Perhaps he truly wanted them to be close. To be friends.