devil on my back ──✩°｡⋆⸜ sablestar

[juniperstar]

juniper

whatever inspired the path they follow is more alike fever dream than instinct... uncertain, unplanned. these worn trails are familiar and maybe it's that which summons them, the idea of home before it was sullied in blood, blighted by death. the memories here are rosy shades of comfort and nostalgia, never to be relived without the thorns that wrap around them like barbs. context would tell them now that it had all been carefully acted, words and assurances rehearsed by one who schemed to betray them. the conflict of the warmth of that love and the chilling cold of the fear they'd felt as a witness to murder create a tornado... one that threatens to destroy or dissipate once its rage has traveled far enough.

lingering under the towering oaks with chin tilted towards the heavens, Juniperstar stands under starlight with eyes drawn closed. listening... breathing in the copper-soaked earth and trying to remember further back still. when Fray was healthy, cheerfully relaying stories to his young admirers, when they would slink between the roots playing hide and seek. lashes flutter open, knowing the only time they'd find him now would be amongst the constellations.

there is a distinct crackling of the frost bitten earth being disturbed- even as the familiar tones of petrichor glide past her nose in aching clarity, her coat bristles towards defensiveness, whirling to find a face scarred by his choice- by his betrayal. her jaw tightens, lips thinning into a frustrated frown. "Sable." her heart aches to run to him, to kiss his cheek and tell him she loves him, that she'll forgive him if he'll only admit he was wrong. if he'll stop this misguided plot. but she doesn't... her limbs go rigid with fear- if he could slaughter Hawthorne in cold blood, what made her special? she was in no position to fight him and win.

the conflict overwhelms, mossy gaze grown watery with agitated tears. she wills them not to do more than appear, not to grieve he who was still here and chosen this shattered glass path that cut his paws the further he walked. "Are you happy now," she asks, voice taut with the accusation she waylays towards him. "Or was killing my best friend not enough? Will you hunt me too? Send your shadows after his children?"

her tail whips like an adder, borrowing the anger of a vengeful widow where she could find none for herself. even in the pale moonlight it is obvious the curve of her belly, that fact her ribs still shine through a telling of its own kind. what would he know of it... without her saying so? it was not as if he'd tended to Serpent with loving admiration as she had. "At least Hawthrone did not steal you from your kits."

──✩°｡⋆⸜ ✮

• @SABLESTAR

• juniperstar leader of thunderclan nine lives remain

  ignore me

 

[SABLESTAR]

He had lurked in the darkness at first, curiosity bringing him to linger after the trails weaving back from the moors. Hawthorne's body had been collected, was one noticeable change, but Juniper hadn't returned back to the oaks at all. His paws did not follow precisely to where she veered off, instead continuing his way on to the battlefield he left. Scents had grown stale, and what he padded into was a field of ghosts and echoes to the blood spilled. So they had collected all he left behind, not a single soulless form in sight.

Frost coated the earth like a fresh coat, a vain attempt in hiding the chaos that once raged underneath a moonless sky. At it's center stood her, Juniper, still as the ice that built along the branches looming over them. What happened to the rest that followed with her? They couldn't have all abandoned Hawthorne, or maybe his death wrought them to leave the oaks after all. Why hadn't she come home?

Sablestar crept forward, a single paw placed perfectly to get her attention. He blinked jagged-scarred eyes at her bristling figure as if he weren't her mate and just a wolf coming to close in on its exhausted prey. He would chase her, if she made him. She only had to accept this for it all to be over.

"Juni." Sablestar greeted in turn with a voice of longing affection. How his new nest had grown cold, he tried hard not to let the chill creep into his heart for her. There was still room beneath the white cedar for the both of them and she could leave this frostbitten dust behind.

Her question has an answer that is still finding it's footing. Was he happy? No- he didn't want this to break the way it had. He would have preferred the colony remain together and for Hawthorne to relinquish his useless power to him instead. He never wanted to taste so much blood but he wanted the reward for it, and that didn't make much of a difference in the end. Nearly. Would have been his answer until she pointed the sword again, and his eyes grow in shock. "You? Me?" It was going all wrong! How could she be so blind to the boon he placed before her? Her friend was the hurdle to their greatness, his kin held no weight to keep them down.

"I've done nothing, said, nothing, against you." Sablestar growled in building frustration. "I've done everything for us, Juni. I saw..." The truth? He isn't sure how to describe it, his own Clanmates hardly had themselves. A tattered ear twitched as she carried on her lamenting before his eyes fell to their usual squint. Sablestar glanced to the molly's sides while his tail-tip flicked low behind him. She wasn't the type to lie.

Kits in leafbare, what kind of sick play turned on him. He already had plenty mouths to worry feeding for in the pocosin, he would have to swallow the parallel he's been made of. "My kits." Theirs, but it felt like a mere pebble thrown into his path. Of all the other surprises and reveals thrown in his face, the weight on his shoulders, why not add this on to? "Would you take me away from them?" He had been fitted and shaped as the perfect monster, after all. What kind of monster could be a father, too?

"Why can't you come with me? Why do you keep running from me, we can be together in the new home I've built. I've been given... gifts. I can use them to keep you- our kits- safe." Even if it meant using every last one for them. "We're sitting on ancient ground... they visited me and told me to do the right thing. I wanted a future for us. Together."

this heart beats cold like the devil his own

• "mew"
• 

  SABLE— he/him ･fifty-two moons ･colonist ; no clan ･penned by gonkpilled

  a black and white tuxedo with dark amber eyes

 

[juniperstar]

juniper

his surprise speaks to a kit confronted with the crime of stealing honey after dark... as if his paw had been swatted for something so innocent as childish nonsense. "Juni." he didn't deserve to call her that... her brows pinch, pained by his shock... did he really not see it? the carnage that laid in his path...? she flinches away from him like he has struck her, as if the claws that nicked her tail had just been his, even if they'd come from a body that looked different from his.

"Saw what?" her voice is sharp, a question like a blade pressed against his throat, so close it threatens to draw blood. what could he have possibly seen that made up for this? her eyes narrow to barely more than chips of glass, ready to cut him under the slightest movement. what poised venom she has coiled behind her bite goes cured by the widening of his eyes... the lowering of his voice.

"My kits."

she doesn't even register the title of possession, lips wobbling with a miserable, burning desire for this to be happier. that they might embrace and celebrate the growth of their family- "Yeah... our kits..." and it is spoken so tenderly. like they might break should they speak too loudly about them. like they are made of imagination and could easily be waved away if the illusion were broken. his question only pulls the two halves of a splitting heart, gouging a deeper chasm than before.

would she....? he would never hurt them... right? his claws had never raised against her, even when they could've... and they'd been happy for so long before now. did it really have to change? "No.... They are ours... I wouldn't steal them from you." no, in that small way she was better than him. Not like you stole Hawthorne from his... the bitterness festers in the wound in her chest, floundering between anger and hate and fury... and misery, sorrow and yearning.

his tangent is a reminder of where their paths have split them... she reels again then, "I won't live in a home built from blood. I'm not Juni... not anymore..." her lips grow tense with the truth she must reveal, tucking her tail close to her ankles in nervous anticipation. "It's Juniperstar now... I was Hawthorne's deputy... his closest friend... What did you think would happen? I won't abandon ThunderClan to run to you... this isn't going to go away Sable, the hurt isn't going to disappear just because you thought you were doing the right thing."

tears well along the edge of her eyes, blurring the black and white mixture of furs before her. "We had a future Sable... We had one already. Why did you kill it? You killed my best friend... did you think it wouldn't kill a part of me too?"

her stomach aches, enough to make her crouch down to try to manage the sudden pain. a hiccupped sob escapes her, squeezing seafoam eyes closed in an effort to concentrate on the feeling. on the nausea that overwhelms her in this moment. a reminder just how much the wound still bled. "It hurts... It's like grieving you while you're still here... Why didn't you listen to me?"

──✩°｡⋆⸜ ✮

• juniperstar leader of thunderclan nine lives remain

  ignore me

 

[SABLESTAR]

The grief she lingered on was still just a pesky fly, buzzing and asking to be swatted at with the fact that it couldn't be undone. What could he do now that would fix the impossible of her wanting? Hawthorne was dead, and for the better in the end from the looks of it. The place had been abandoned and left for the frost and ice to overtake it. Is this how it would have ended for them if they shut their muzzles and bit their tongues?

His beckon for her is refused, but not for something as trivial as misplaced loyalties now. Sablestar blinked again, slow in understanding, letting the words settle as he thought of his conversation with Cicada.

"I think... I hope she took what I've left for her." ... He would hate every moment of it, though. Already Sable despised how empty a nest felt without her, how cold his belly was left without her in his grasp at night.

Caught between his selfish desires and giving them up for the sake of what he's placed claim to. What he's killed for... "And I, Sablestar, cannot leave ShadowClan." The tuxedo sighed tiredly, wanting nothing but to throw this tearful wallowing to the crows. Disregarding that he had lost, too. Ignoring the lives he was held responsible for now, too. Why was it all for him to be blamed? Because their stars had said as much?

If she is to be star-touched, so be it... Time would drag on for them, these lives would stretch far and wide and in the monotony of forever, she will come back to him.

"I tried to tell you, it's not a matter of what I thought, anymore. I didn't want to kill him, not before it all..." Sablestar pursed his lips as he sharply waved his paw. "Your star guide isn't the only secret in these woods. I've been raised by another, she told me what had to be done for the good of the forest, so I did. And I had to do it all without you, not knowing where you were, why you couldn't choose me!"

His eyes meet her again with an untouched anger he tried desperately to push down for the sake of his love to her, a jagged gaze that forever marked the finality of what was now left fragmented watching her embrace the cold earth. He stepped forward, steps soft as the namesake of his new legacy. "Let me hold you." It's hardly a whisper. "We're still mates, I still love you- always." Even if she did not choose him, even if she grieved him for this new forever.

this heart beats cold like the devil his own

• "mew"
• 

  SABLESTAR— he/him ･fifty-four moons ･leader; shadowclan ･penned by gonkpilled

  a black and white tuxedo with dark amber eyes

 

[juniperstar]

juniper

Sablestar.

confusion dances in the foamy seas that stare at him, like an ocean that hungrily wanted for coal black sands and moonlit skies. how...? when...? she'd been so quick in her journey to that glimmering stone in the mountain... but she had not once scented him on the way out. who even told him about it-

it must've been whoever his own star guide is... whatever secret he claimed to know. but there was just no way Coffeestar would've given him the gifts he gave to her. so where did this come from? who did he speak with in shimmering splendor? and what kind of warped version of the stars would hiss in his ears that murder was the best option...?

"So that's it then..." there would be no reunion, no coaxing him back. he had so neatly entwined himself with the hearts of ruffians and killers that he would never be unwound. his accusation stings, teeth sunken into her throat while her own pierce her cheek. "This is me choosing you... Sable.... this is all I can give you now. You still can't answer me, can you? Why didn't you listen to me? I've loved you and nursed your wounds and built a family-" her voice cracks.

"Why couldn't you choose me too?"

because she had found ways to choose him, small ways... in every moment she stood here not ripping out his throat like the extension of Serpentberry's wrath she ought to be... that was a choice. it was a choice not to finish what Thornstar had started with Sablestar's blood coating these iron-tinged floors. the urge to point out who had remained firmly at her side goes withheld. Graybird did... Gray chose me, and that itself was enough.

despite the heat of the embers that roll in her belly (or maybe that too is just their unruly children, enraptured by this conflict they cannot understand), the comfort of a touch that once was hers at every beck and call is sorely sought after. she does not flinch from his presence, even if his breath feels like a wolf's open maw hovered behind her neck. she stifles what tears she can afford to, unwilling to spill them into his pelt as much as he might hope for it. it isn't a vulnerability safe to share anymore...

collecting herself takes a few moments... a few shaky breaths... and when she does Juniperstar centers herself on the future.

"I'll have to do the next part alone... since you've made your choice," because he could not wander into ThunderClan's camp to be at her side to see the birth of his kin. he could not be given such knowledge... the location of their new home.. not while he still wondered after where they'd gone from this graveyard that had once been their home. "I won't see you again for awhile, Sable... I only ask you don't make this harder. Don't spill anymore blood, there's been enough. Promise me... promise them," her tail unfurls from around her, nestling in close against his flank so he might understand... might feel them too.

Love them more than you love me... because surely if he did, he wouldn't break such a promise. her vision lifts towards the canopy, watching the moonlight flicker through the tree tops. "Maybe... we can meet here again... in a couple of moon cycles... when the moon is full and bright... When they're big enough to travel. I won't steal them from you," it bears repeating...

"I have to leave... there's nothing more to say. You won't be changing your mind and I won't be changing yours... Please, for both our sakes," she draws away, whisking away what warmth she shared, "Make the right choice for us this time..."

──✩°｡⋆⸜ ✮

• juniperstar leader of thunderclan nine lives remain

  ignore me